Happy Memorial Day weekend everybody!!! Sadly, this is one of the busiest retail weekends of the year, so I am being forced to spend much of it at work. Have fun for me, please!!! In honor of the parties I'm missing, I feel that today's recap is appropriate. It's time for the Wakefield's annual slumber party!!!
Like I said before, it's slumber party time!!!! Yay!!!! Liz is already hard at work planning the festivities...so far, all she has planned is a rousing game of Truth or Dare. Since this is Sweet Valley, you just know that's going to be super-lame regardless. Jess agrees with me that Liz is a sucky party planner, so she takes over as the "idea person" and basically makes Liz and Enid (oh, she's coming?!? Now I don't feel bad that those bitches forgot to invite me...) do all of the manual labor. Jess's main task is making sure that the party is perfectly set-up so that the football team can raid it. Sadly, they have to decline her offer because they have a road game...so Winston and Manny decide to seize the opportunity. They assemble a team of dorky nerds and devise a strategy. (Of course, it's super-nerdy lame and it's basically just them running into the house and assaulting the girls with water balloons.)
At school, Lila complains about how immature a sleepover is (hey now, I had a sleepover last week, Lila, and that attitude is exactly why I did not invite YOU!!!!) and Jess basically agrees, but it's a TRADITION (that I do not recall them ever having before or after this episode). Cheryl is super excited about the idea, and that's enough to make Lila change her mind. I guess she's still trying to gain Cheryl's friendship? The ugly new Bruce saunters up and asks Jess out on a date. (Yay!!!) The only problem- he wants her to be his dinner date (along with his cousin and said cousin's friends from Harvard!!!) the same night as the slumber party!!! Jess doesn't want to admit her lameness to Bruce, so she tries to lie and say she has cooler plans. Enid spoils this by running up and gushing about a box of -wait for it- DRESS UP CLOTHES that she's bringing to the party!!! Yes, DRESS UP!!!! (I will now admit that I STILL have my Barbie collection, but I gave up dress up when I was about 12... Despite my reading never really progressing beyond these SV books, I think Enid is just too over-the-top!!!!) Bruce is as unimpressed as I am, and I think Jess wants to slap Enid for being so stupid.
After school, Liz goes to the Moon Beach and bitches about how Jess is so not helping. Jess is sick of Liz acting like a slumber party Nazi, so she finally cracks and tells Liz that the party is a stupid, childish idea. Liz tells her to get over herself and grow up. (Wait, whose BFF is running around with the box of dress up clothes, Elizabeth?!?!) With Jess out of the picture, Liz and Enid go back to planning the lamest party ever. In addition to the classic Truth or Dare, Liz and Enid decide on charades, scary movies, a pillow fight (sweet!!!), roasting marshmallows, and board games!!!! (Hmmm...dinner with sexy rich Bruce vs. CandyLand with lame stupid whiny Eeny Rollins...I pick BRUCE!!!!!)
The night of the party arrives and Jess gets all sexied up in her little black dress. Liz is super sad that Jess is bailing on them, but she doesn't let that spoil her fun. MONTAGE! The nerds begin their plan of attack and the sleepover friends play a crazy game of Twister. Lila and Cheryl put foil all over Enid's head (I think she's getting highlights, but that is SO not the way to do them!!!! I went to cosmetology school, so this makes me shudder) and the nerds continue to fail with their raid. The girls play some charades and Enid is an absolute idiot. She keeps yelling out random, annoying shit and I begin to wonder why she doesn't go to a "special" school... This is super boring!!!! I wonder what Jess is doing...
Jess, meanwhile, is out with Bruce and his Harvard friends. Bruce's friends are all super smart, and they make fun of Jess for being...well, for being JESS, I guess. The worst part is that none of them can drink with their meal because Jess is under 21 and doesn't have a fake ID. Maybe they should have gone to Kelly's Roadhouse... Jess tries hard to fit in, but she just ends up making herself look stupid. Bruce doesn't help matters by announcing that Jess bailed on a slumber party to go to dinner. Kind of a dick move there, you damn Bruce impostor!!!! Everybody laughs at Jess and she wants to disappear.
Back in LameLand, the nerds continue to suck at raiding the party. They set off a smoke bomb, but it fails. Inside, their schemes go unnoticed and all the girls settle down to play some Truth or Dare. It's lame, just like I said, but Liz DOES admit that she would choose Mr. Collins if she had to be stranded on a deserted island with a teacher. (Seriously... 1) Ewww, and 2) Could they be any more unoriginal?!?!) Lila spices it up by asking Enid (of all people) how far she went with some guy... (Obviously, Li is referring to SEX!!!!) Enid is an idiot, so she responds with "To the mall..." Dumbass, but it's likely true!!!! Outside, Winston has become desperate to get inside the house. He raises a ladder and tries to enter through a second floor window, but the ladder falls and Win is forced to grab onto the balcony (????When did they build that????) and climb up. He tries to open the door, but it's locked from the inside and now Win is stuck!!!! Downstairs, nobody hears him screaming for help. Lila is bitching about how lame this is (and I am beginning to agree with her...I went to cooler parties in like 6th grade!!!!) and Cheryl is sick of it (because, you know, she never got to be a teenager what with all the modeling and traveling) so she dares Lila to run down the street to the mailbox- wearing only a towel!!!! Li is up for the challenge!!!!
Back to the cool kids, Bruce is also getting bored by his stuffy, boring Harvard friends. He whispers to Jess that he would like to leave and she readily agrees. They go back to Jess's and arrive right as the nerds are rushing in the front door to raid. Lila runs in as well and heads right upstairs. She sees Win on the balcony (in war paint for the raid) and screams in horror because he looks like a creeper. Somebody has taken Enid's Barry Manilow (who?) CDs... But nobody cares because Jess is raving about how fun and sophisticated her evening was. Bruce promptly busts her out, saying that he knows she had a terrible time. Jess is forced to admit the truth and apologize to Liz. Everybody starts dancing after that, and Enid and Manny dance together...
****The SarahLynn Summary****
*I thought MY weekends were boring!!!! Thank god I didn't grow up in Sweet Valley!!!!
*And Enid is totally that girl at the sleepover that falls asleep like 3 hours before everybody else and ends up with her bra frozen, or her hand in warm water, or the shaving cream/feather trick...
Next Time on SVH TV:
Bruce buys a fortune teller, Jess and Lila learn about Karma, and Todd is back to being an ass!!!! The best part- almost everything happens at the Moon Beach!!!!!