Yeah, I've gotten a little lazy with my Intros. Forgive me, it's absolutely beautiful outside and I need to quickly post those so I can play outside before the NBA Draft Lottery tonight!!!!
Today's second episode is about JESSICA!!!! She's a genius, and now EVERYBODY knows it!!!! She even gets a BANNER!!!! I love banners. I wish somebosy would make one for ME, but then again, I never do anything banner-worthy.
Our story starts at school. Everybody has just finished some super hard math exam and now they're all stressing about their results. Jess isn't worried about it, she's too busy stalking this episode's love interest, Jim Johnson.
As Jess walks down the hallway, the Principal stops her. She scored 162 on some college compatibility test, which is AMAZING!!!! The only other person who scored higher was some dude named Mortimer, and now he and Jess will represent SVH at the Big Academic Bowl. Top prize is $500!!!! Jess is surprised by all of this, but she sees the big flashy CONGRATS banner, and then Mortimer turns out to be hot, so she goes along with it. Plus, $500 will cover her latest accident with the Jeep. She drags Mort to the Moon Beach for a study session. I think she just wants to get in his pants, but he is oblivious. At the MB, Jess realizes that she knows NOTHING!!! I'm beginning to think her test results were a mistake.
Jess decides to impress Mort with a hot new dress, so she borrows some money - $200, to be exact (which is essential to the B-Plot)- from Liz. She is STILL positive that she and Mort will win the Academic Bowl, so she thinks she'll be able to pay Liz back with her winnings.
Eventually, the Principal figures out that Jess only scored 62 on the test, and thus she is STUPID!!!! Just like everyone else, I guess. Jess refuses to drop out of the Academic Bowl, and she devises a plan to help her win...
Jess enlists the help of Lila and they go to the Academic Bowl offices. They work their way into the head guy's office and search for the answer sheet so Jess can cheat. They prove how stupid they are by confusing dude's grocery list with the answer sheet!!! Seriously?!?!
The day of the Academic Bowl arrives and Jess dresses for the occasion. She even wears glasses. (And I am now totally reminded of the tragic events of the Degrassi season 4 episode where Spinner and Jay rigged the Academic Bowl and that Rick guy got humiliated. And then he returned with a GUN and shot Jimmy/aka- DRAKE!!!! That was TRAGIC, and my life hasn't been the same since. And Winston would totally be Rick, good thing he isn't competing.) Jess has the "answers" memorized, and she makes a complete ass out of herself. She ends up with the lowest score ever in the history of '90's TV show episodes featuring Academic Bowls. Mort thinks she's a complete idiot and he wants nothing to do with her, plus she now has no money to give to Liz...
Todd's friends continue to cause trouble for Liz. They bully people, especially Winston. Todd stands idly by and watches these morons as they steal Win's glasses and force him to give them money. Somehow, these guys talk Win into giving them $200. He doesn't have it, and he knows they're gonna kick his ass if he doesn't make with the cash, so Liz agrees to loan it to him until they can resolve this whole thing.
Liz demand to know why Todd won't help poor Win, but he's still being a badass so he ignores her. Instead, Cheryl teaches Win the art of boxing (in MONTAGE! form!!!!). Cheryl kicks ass!!!! I wish she was real so we could practice boxing together. I'd even let her borrow my rainbow gloves with the sparkles on them!!!! (Hey, I have small hands and only the kids' gloves fit!!!)
Eventually, the thugs come looking for their moneys. Win doesn't have it so he's forced to fight. (And I just noticed how they've added a lot more background voices into these new episodes...it's really annoying.) Lucky for Win, Todd is able to stop being a dick long enough to step in and stop his goons. Win refuses to let Todd stop the fight, and he promptly gets knocked out. Liz is now left to wonder whether or not this act means that the old Todd is back. I hope not.
*Why did ever TV show of this era have to have an Academic Bowl episode? I was super disappointed when I got to high school and discovered that there was no such thing!!!! We had a trivia team, but there was never these big showy events with cash prizes or anything...
Next Time on SVH TV:
Liz learns about football, Lila lies, and Enid thinks Todd is into her. Unlikely!!!!