In the midst of working a full week straight -plus babysitting after work!!!!- I finally have a spare moment and I have chosen to spend it recapping some quality TV for you...
It's winter in Sweet Valley...again. (Wait, the first day of school was only like 6 episodes ago!!!) SVH is holding their annual Winter Carnival, and Jess is drooling over this episode's love interest, Dave Porter. (Any relation to Julie?) Alas, Dave has been dating some ho named Claire for 2 years now, so it seems Jess is SOL. Poor Jess hasn't had a date in TWO DAYS!!!! OMG.
Sadly, the A-Plot and B-Plot are intertwined today. We cut to Todd after Liz scolds Jess for being a boyfriend-stealing whore. Todd is in good spirits (damn, I miss Bad Todd!!!) because he's now back on the basketball team!!! Unfortunately, Todd is only a bench player (for you non-sports people, bench player = not a star...), but the coach tells him to keep working on his game. Coach also introduces Todd to his new teammate (who just happens to be the coach's nephew). New dude is named Jason, BTW. Jason works fast!!!! He meets Liz right away and promptly hits on her. Todd is none-too-happy about this, and he's even angrier when he learns Jason is a starter on the basketball team!!!
As interesting as all of that is, we must now take the obligatory trip to LoserLand. Winston is reading a magic book and babbling about the show he's going to put on. (Last time I checked, high school kids weren't into magic shows!!!) Win is now WINDINI, master magician. (Speaking of magic, you know who's sexy as hell? David Blaine...) Oh, and Enid (eww) and Manny (yay!!!) are working at the Carnival too. They're running a cotton candy stand and Enid is an absolute idiot. She tries to make cotton candy and ends up with a large beehive-style mass of it on her stupid little head. Loser.
After the Carnival, Liz and Jess (plus Manny and Enid) go to the Moon Beach. Jess is all kinds of upset because she still has no date. Speaking of upset, Todd storms in and tries to warm Liz about Jason. Todd says he's a "total scammer" (wow, he's known dude for like 5 minutes and he's already talking shit...I like Bad Todd!!!!) and he warns Liz to stay away from Jason. (I wish I'd recapped this episode a few weeks ago on Friday the 13th, I could have made SO many Jason jokes!!!) Liz thinks that Todd is just being his usual jealous self, so she ignores him and goes out with Jason despite Todd's warning.
Liz has lots of fun with Jason on their date. He tells her how special and spontaneous she is (uh-huh, I think he's just trying to get in her pants) and they end the evening with a kiss. Todd is lurking in the bushes, and he jumps out waving a machete. He slices Jason up with the machete, but suddenly Jason's body magically regenerates itself... Oh wait, I think everything after the kiss was actually part of a Friday the 13th movie!!! Just seeing who's paying attention!!! (In actuality, the scene ends with the kiss.)
Back at the Winter Carnival sometime later, Jason is proving himself to be a major player. He's hitting on everything in a skirt, and Todd is observing all of this with his mouth curled in disgust. He does not approve, I guess. He shares his thoughts with Jason, and Jason simply laughs it off. (Play on, playa!!!!) As he saunters away, Jason drops his "little black book" (LOL, life before cell phones!!!!) and fails to notice.
Todd, however, does notice. He scoops up said LBB and shows it to Liz as proof of what a douche Jason is. Dude keeps track of how hot girls are using a star rating system (ie. Enid- 0 stars, Liz- 1 star, Jess- 50 million stars) and it totally reminds me of the movie 'Carrie 2: The Rage'. Dude, this could end VERY badly... But, much to Todd's shock and dismay, Liz doesn't seem to care.
Jess is still depressed over her lack of dates. She goes to the Moon Beach hoping to find Mr. Right and meets Jason for the first time. He introduces himself as Cliff and asks her out. She's desperate (and he's a PLAYER!!!!) so she agrees to a date on Friday night. Jason already has a date with Liz on Saturday, and he brags about all of this to Todd. Of course, Todd tells Liz but she refuses to believe him. Todd needs to stop Jason, so he tries to come up with a plan...
Todd's plan involves telling Jason that Jess wants to go out on Saturday night instead. He switches the dates, and we get a MONTAGE! We get to see Jason on his dates, and some random Enid and Manny, plus some of Win's stupid ass magic show.
After the weekend, Liz is still gushing over Jason. She thinks that Todd has been very rude and judgmental lately, and Jason is just what she needs to get over his mopey ass. She tells Jess all the boring details- like how Jason always brings her wild flowers- and asks Jess about her new guy. Jess gushes over how not-like-Jason Cliff is. He's not all sappy and romantic and shit, and NO flowers. (Because we all know Jess is the type of girl that doesn't expect such things. He probably takes her straight to Miller's Point...or maybe the beach.) Liz suggests that they double date sometime (I'm sure Jason/Cliff wouldn't mind that!!!) and Jess laughs in her face.
"Cliff" and Jess go out on their date and Liz sees them together. Of course, she's heartbroken. Jess figures the whole thing out when Jason brings her wild flowers. Oh shit!!!! Liz is livid when Jess gets home because she thinks that Jess knew the entire time. Todd barges in (without knocking...I'm pretty sure it's considered the polite thing to do when you arrive at your ex girlfriend's house. Plus, Todd is a THIEF, so I can't believe Liz still leaves that kitchen door unlocked for him...) Todd takes Jess's side (of course he does, I'm seeing SO much evidence pointing towards their future together) and says that Jess is a victim too, just like Liz. Wakefield twins got played, bottom line. Luckily, Todd still has Jason's book of girls AND a revenge plan!!!!
The revenge plan goes into effect at Winston's magic show. The crowd is huge, and there's an entire table full of pies (which NOBODY has offered to share with me...these kids have ZERO manners!!!). Winston gets Jason to volunteer to be part of the act, and he locks him in stocks. (Off with his head!!!! That'll learn him!!!!) While Jason is securely stocked (?), Liz and Jess pull out his Black Book and start to read from it. It seems like every girl in school is in said book, and they all join Liz and Jess on stage. (Shit, even fucking ENID is one of the girls...dude must be crawling with VD if he's sinking THAT low...) Every girl takes a turn slamming a pie into Jason's face, and suddenly the basketball coach shows up. Todd thinks Coach will stop the pie-ing, but he simply tells Todd that Liz called him and told him all about Jason's Black Book and slutty ways. Coach thinks it isn't cool, so he hands Todd a pie and tells him to take a shot!!! He also tells Todd that he may end up being a starter on the team after all.
****The SarahLynn Summary****
*Dating twins would be awesome, I won't lie!!!! Jason is a PIMP!!! I'm more than a little jealous.
*Winston will never be half as good as David Blaine. Actually, no man will(not even BRUCE)!!!!
*Speaking of Bruce, I feel like I haven't seen him in forever... He must be busy running the Moon Beach or something.
*A pie in the face is ALWAYS funny. Always.
Next Time on SVH TV:
Liz and Jess have a slumber party. Jess goes out with Bruce (!!!!) and the nerds get their revenge (sort of).