Well, we survived season one!!!! Apparently, despite season one's timeline ending somewhere around October, we have now arrived at September yet again. Summer is winding down, and the new school year promises to be full of change and new beginnings. There's even a new theme song!!!! (No, not the song itself, just new shots of the characters...and a NEW BRUCE.) I'm not so sure how I feel about this Bruce replacement, but I guess I have to deal with it because the episode is starting...
The episode begins with a bunch of people frolicking on the beach. It's the '90's, so there's an abundance of NEON!!!! And those terribly high-waisted, high-cut bikinis are scaring me!!!! Liz is leading some sort of beach cleanup while wearing a bikini that looks like something my grandmother (rest her soul) would wear. I watched this episode last week, and I'm going off notes here. My actual notes say: "Gramma bikini, UGLY, with a skirt for the bottoms", but yet I failed to describe the pattern, so I apologize. She's also changed her hair, and I kind of like what she did with her bangs. Jess is also there, and she's trying to force Liz into having some fun. I did think Jess's bikini was important enough to describe, apparently. It's a red and white gingham print with shorts for the bottom. I remember when those style bottoms were popular, I had like 12 different halter top/shirts bathing suits!!!! Those were awesome, but I prefer monokinis these days. Anyways, Jess is trying to convince Liz to be on her team for the Beach Olympics. Liz isn't as excited as Jess, because Bruce always wins and she and Jess always get 10th place.
I really am having trouble accepting this New Bruce. He's not half as hot as last season's B-Patz!!!! *Sigh*
Liz takes a break from her beach cleaning and reads an issue of Seventeen with Enid. (NOOOO!!!) I really can't picture Liz reading that trash -let alone taking a LOVE QUIZ- so I'm going to guess that Seventeen is the newest sponsor of this fine show. Welcome aboard, Seventeen!!! Winston comes running up to them, practically about to explode with happiness, and announces that Todd is back!!!! Liz didn't even know he was coming (he forgot to call...uh-oh) and she's shocked when he shows up to the beach party.
Meanwhile, Jess and Lila are drooling over the "hot" new lifeguard, Josh. Joshy-Boy just so happens to be the judge of the Beach Olympics, so Jess and Li are working their magic. "Bruce" pops up and tells Jess that she'll be losing the Beach Olympics (which I REALLY wish I could abbreviate, but "B.O."...no). Bruce is kind of flirting with Jess, and she's kind of flirting back. I wonder what this season has in store...
The Beach Olympics begin, and we get the first MONTAGE! of season two!!!! Jess helps her team win by cheating, and she seems oddly obsessed with what Bruce is doing. I wish they would just hurry up and makeout. In the midst of the Beach Olympics, Todd and Liz find time to talk. (Todd also has a new hairstyle, and he's still ugly.) Todd is moving back to Sweet Valley!!!! But he won't tell Liz why, and she thinks he's acting shady.
Bruce and Jess continue to bicker re. the Beach Olympics. (Yes, I said "bicker"!!!!) There's an obstacle course event coming up, and Bruce is sure he's going to win. Lila comes in and yells at Jess because she got sunburned using Jess's sunblock, which was only SPF 2. None of that was really necessary to the story, but the next few minutes are really lame, so I was just trying to spice up this recap with a little gratuitous Bruce and Lila action.
Now on to the lameness...Liz is back to hanging out with Enid. Stupid Eeny is bubbling in her annoying little voice about how nice it must be to have a boyfriend, and how she wants one (what happened to the Teen HelpLine guy?) and I really wish I could punch her for being such a squeaky little pest. Liz whines about how weird Todd has been acting lately, and how he's changed. In the midst of all this, Winston and Manny are sitting together. Manny appears to have some weird vision problems in this episode because everything gets all fuzzy and changes into random stuff...this time, the world becomes Gilligan's Island. I have no idea what they were trying to do here...doesn't make sense at all.
Moving on, Jess cheats her way to Beach Olympics victory, but her happiness is short-lived. Josh the lifeguard knows that both she and Bruce cheated, so he declares them both losers. Karma is a bitch, I guess. Liz is still moping about Todd, so she goes and tries to talk to him. She finds out that he only came back to Sweet Valley because he got kicked out of Fairmont Academy. What? Why? When? DETAILS!!!!! Sadly, that's all we get, except for the fact that Todd is now a high school dropout. Oh shit!!!!
Back at the beach party, Josh the lifeguard is giving Lila a foot rub. Ummm...okay, if you're into that sort of thing, I guess. Jess and Bruce are sitting by the bonfire and STILL fighting. Jess suddenly kisses him and they're both taken aback by it. Jess quickly says that it will never happen again, because she hates him. Ok then, thanks for saving me from that foot rub nastiness!!!
Liz and Todd are STILL talking. Todd is upset that he blew his chance. And, since he's no longer Todd the basketball superstar, he has no idea who he is or what he's doing with his life. (Dude, you're like 17...talk to me when you're 25.) Liz tries to understand what he's going through, but he isn't up for dealing with her meddling efforts, so he dumps her ass!!!! Sweet!!!! I bet she wishes she'd hooked up with Nicholas while he was gone. Liz joins Jess beside the fire and the two share a sisterly moment. Together, they can conquer the world AND the new school year!!!!
****The SarahLynn Summary****
*Bruce and Jess have some repressed sexual tensions between them...
*Todd came back. He's a loser now.
*Enid still pisses me off, and I think this episode was trying to tell me that Manny may be interested in her. I have no clue why he would be.
*I hate the new Bruce. Where did the old one go?
*Why did Todd get kicked out of school? My guess is that it was because he actually sucked at basketball, and nobody noticed because everybody in Sweet Valley sucked as well, but when he got to Vermont it became obvious...