Todd Wilkins gone bad!!! Oh no!!!!
We begin today's episode in the Wakefield kitchen. Jess is digging in the fridge and complaining about how she hates food and water. Whatever, go to the Moon Beach already!!! Liz is sitting at the counter and looking all sad (she does this a lot lately). Before Todd dumped her ass, she ordered him a personalized Lakers jacket. She wants to give it to him anyways, since she can't return it. Jess stops her and begs her to let her have it instead. Jess delivers the hilarious line: "I'm sure one of these days I'll date a guy named Todd." If she only knew... Jess must be up to something here, because she suddenly starts babbling about how Liz needs to get over Todd's ass and get under someone else...
Jess apparently heard me earlier when I told her to go to the Moon Beach. She's sitting with Lila. Poor Lila has over-shopped (again *sigh*) and her father has now put her on a BUDGET!!!! (Yes, again.) Lila is understandably upset and she tries to bitch about it to Cheryl, but Cheryl isn't the type of person who spends a lot on clothing. Her outfit is from a "vintage" shop... And I imagine that, despite this, she must have a FEW haute couture items in her closet from all those years of modeling. You know she's just lying so Jess and Lila don't figure this out and start to "borrow".
Liz is now waiting for Todd to come and get his present. He shows up over an hour late. Liz bitches about it to Winston, and he tells her to try and be more understanding. Dude just needs his space. Of course, this concept is foreign to Liz, and she doesn't understand why Todd only wants to practice his basketball playing. She must not have been paying attention in the first episode. Todd obviously sucks at basketball, like bad enough to make him drop out of school!!!! No wonder he needs to practice instead of dealing with his meddling, obviously-not-over-him ex!!!! Liz is shocked to learn that Todd is having a party that night. He also had one the week before and was with some redhead. His friends thought that that whore was LIZ, WTF Todd?!?! Again? Liz decides that now is the time to get over Todd (no shit!!!) and she enlists Jess to help her date. Jess is well-prepared for this occasion. She has index cards with vitals on every guy at SVH, and they're organized into categories. She also makes a huge wall chart with sticky notes and photos!!!! Plus, she was kind enough to make a "LOSER" pile for Enid.
At school, Win learns that Todd has skipped class all week. (Ummm, duh, that's sort of what happens when you drop out of school!!!) He's shocked and starts to worry so he goes looking for Todd. He discovers that NOBODY has seen Todd lately, AND he even QUIT the basketball team!!!! Oh shit, Todd's lost it!!!!
Lila, meanwhile, is going crazy for bargains. She's even learned about the wonders of coupons!!! Scary stuff, I know.
Winston continues to search for Todd. He runs into Carl (!!!!yay, Carl!!!!) and Carl gives him this helpful info: "He went somewhere, with some guys". Thanks, Carl, remind me to call you next time I need an alibi!!! Win is super smart, and he tracks Todd down based off of Carl's tip. He finds Todd at school (it's nighttime...) and he's in the process of stealing a car!!! Todd and his crew get scared off easily, and Win runs up and gets inside the car. (Damn, I thought he learned his lesson about that in "Kidnapped"...) Wires are exposed, so Win now knows for sure that Todd has turned evil!!! (Maybe it was his doppleganger...)
Todd goes to the Moon Beach to lay low after his failed attempt at criminal activity. Win finds him and confronts him. Todd denies it, and he sort of threatens Win a little bit. I'm not Win's biggest fan, but I think he may be onto something here, Todd. Stealing = bad.
Liz is back into the dating scene. There's a MONTAGE! of her getting ready for a date. Jess, Lila, and even Enid's stupid ass all try new looks for her, and it's a lot like CLUELESS. Liz's date for the evening is named Scott, and my notes tell me that someone was wearing a stupid hat, but I forgot to write down who it was. The evening goes well, but then Jess pops up in a thought bubble, wearing a devil costume. She reminds Liz of the new rules for dating, and the fact that men like a woman who takes charge. Liz follows this advice and orders the meal. She is too busy being take-chargey that she fails to notice that Scott is ALLERGIC to what she ordered. Epic fail. Later, Liz returns to the same dining establishment with another guy, and this time Lila and Enid join Jess in her thought bubbles. This is enough to make Liz lose her mind!!!!
While all of this is going on, Lila is STILL obsessed with saving money. She starts buying stuff in bulk and going to -get this!!!- GARAGE SALES!!!!! She even steals sugar packets. Finally, Jess has had enough of Lila's embarrassing new habits. She locks Lila in a department store and forces her to shop. Mr. Fowler was fine with this, especially since Lila has discovered pawn shops and started to pawn his valuables. He realized that he actually SAVED money by not putting Li on a budget. If I had a dad, I would want him to be like Mr. F.!!!! Emotional neglect and all.
Liz goes on yet another date. This time, she goes to the Moon Beach and breaks Jess's stupid dating rules. her date orders burgers, and Win serves them half-eaten ones. Liz goes to complain and Win tells her that he needed to talk to her in secret. He tells her about Todd's newfound auto theft hobby and Liz is all OMG. As if on cue, Todd prances into the Moon Beach at that moment. He's wearing BLACK LEATHER, so you know he's gone for good. He acts like a complete ass (my notes say "Todd come in, bes a dick") and yells at Liz for being such a meddling bitch. He even picks a fight with the basketball team, wanting to kick all of their asses at once. (I'd put my money on Todd!!!! Dude's BAD!!!!) Todd grabs Win and shakes him for telling Liz what he did. Todd = angry, I got that!!!! He leaves in a rage, announcing his intentions to go and party. For once, I wish I was going with him.
*New Todd is growing on me even more!!!! I like this guy. I think that, since my beloved Bruce has been replaced by an imposter, Todd is my new SVH crush.
*Lila sucks at being poor, we are all aware of this.
*Liz sucks at dating. I guess having the same boyfriend since you were like 7 and shit doesn't help matters much.
Next Time on SVH TV:
Jess is a genius? And more Todd being a badass!!!!