Again, I have no memory of this episode. Raise your hand if you're surprised. I'm really just trying to knock this one out as quickly as possible so I can get to recapping the following episode. It's a THREE-PART episode!!!
We open at Sweet Valley High, where everyone is abuzz about some World of Dance freestyle dance competition. Lila is entering with the hope of dethroning the reigning Queen of the Dance, which just so happens to be our very own Jessica Wakefield! Jess has won two years in a row, and Lila walks away with a certificate for a free car wash. This year, the stakes are raised. The Grand Prize is a spot on the World of Dance show!!! Winston also wants to enter, but nobody wants to dance with him. Awwww, poor Win.
Jess's partner (I forget his name) is fruity as hell. I can tell by his see-through shirt and LEATHER vest combo. He looks like Mr. Slave from South Park...
Anyways, Mr. Slave will NOT be able to dance with Jess this year. Madonna has asked him to be a backup dancer! O.M.G.!!!! Whatever will Jess do?
At the Moon Beach, Todd is bitching about his hatred of all things cultural. He thinks dancing is for pussies, but Liz forces him to do it every year. Why? I have no idea, it's not like she can ever compete with the greatness that is JESS... Speaking of Jess, she's looking for a new partner and she will be holding open auditions all week. Koichi (yay, I'm starting to like him!) wants to dance, so he decides to try out. Win also wants to dance. Apparently, Win has been dancing for years and he's actually really into it. I'm not really surprised by this. Of course, Liz offers him some encouraging words and he decides to give it a shot.
Jess holds her auditions. A bunch of sucky dancers show up and I start to grow bored with this episode. I wish my cable was working so I could watch something besides this. In the hallway, Manny comes up to Enid, looking straight out of Saturday Night Fever. They do some lame dance and agree to be partners. Good luck with that.
Todd continues to bitch some more. (Again, at the Moon Beach, I swear this show only has like 3 sets...) Liz finally drops his ass and Koichi volunteers to be her partner. Lila, meanwhile, has hired a world champion dancer named Rico. Jess shows up and whines about how much everybody sucks, and Liz suggests she let poor Winston be her partner. Jess gives in and goes and puts on her hot-ass workout apparel. She watches Win dance, and decides he'll suffice.
Of course, this leads to a MONTAGE! Everybody dances and I try not to throw up. Stupidest. Montage. Ever. These kids are a far cry from Dancing With The Stars. Not that I've ever watched that crap, but I did see Save The Last Dance one time, so I am a qualified expert. (Side note: Actually, I was captain of a state champion dance squad back in the day. So there.)
Two weeks pass, and Jess's original partner returns the day before the competition. Of course, Jess immediately drops Winston and Liz is none too happy about it. (Also, Jess has a MASSIVE zit in this scene. I never noticed how bad their skin was, *shudders at the thought of life before ProActiv*) Liz must be getting her period or something, because she keeps up with the bitching. She and Todd fight about the dance contest some more...blah, who cares?!?! Todd is the jealous type, I get it already!!!!
Tragedy strikes when Jess's partner gets yet another job offer. He's going to teach dance on one of Mr. Fowler's cruise ships. Obviously, Lila had a hand in this. Jess gets her back by stealing her partner (Rico). Lila partners with Winston out of desperation. Rico totally blows off Jess's scheduled rehearsal, so she gives him a print-out of the choreography right before they go on stage. What Jess doesn't know is that Rico doesn't speak English. It's pretty obvious, being that all Rico ever says is "Time to dance?"... Apparently, the only dance Rico knows is the Mambo. Oops.
The contest starts. Liz and Koichi do some sort of country line dance type-thing. It's pretty stupid so I won't bore you with anymore details. Koichi cleverly dances off stage and Todd dances on... I think Koichi and Todd set this up as a surprise for Liz, but I could really care less. Liz is happy, and I hope she gets disqualified for switching partners mid-song. Next comes the crapfest that is Enid and Manny. They do some sort of stupid disco dance and I wish I could slap Enid. Really, I've had enough of her after that last episode. Whatever happened to Mike?!?! Told you he wouldn't last...
Lila and Winston take the stage. They have VERY sparkly outfits, and I like it A LOT!!!! They do some serious Dancing With The Stars shit, and I'm still in awe of all their sparklicious goodness. I love sparkles!!!! I want them to win.
Finally, Jess takes the stage. Of course, she is doing some sort of slutty Jessica Dance and it would really be more appropriate for the mainstage at a strip club. But it's HOT, so I'm enjoying it. Rico comes on stage, Mamboing his little Latin ass off. Of course, Jess didn't plan for THAT, so their routine is horrible and everybody laughs because it's so uncoordinated. Jess drags Rico off stage.
Lila and Winston win the contest!!!! It turns out that the spot on the World of Dance show is only for a MALE dancer, so Win is the clear winner here. Lila's upset, but she is rewarded for her efforts with a certificate for yet another free car wash. Karma's a bitch, or something.
****The SarahLynn Summary****
*Again, I got nothing. This episode was pretty pointless and I only recapped it so I could get to the BEST part of season one...
Up Next: Great TV Viewing -"Kidnapped". Three part episode!!!! Crazed orderlies, the arrival of Nicholas Morrow, trashy TV talk shows, and BRUCE!!!!!