Tuesday, December 28, 2010

SVT Magna Edition- BIG For Christmas

Like I said, I don't remember reading this one. I always wanted to though, and I'm SO excited to start blogging this that I can barely concentrate on writing this intro, so let's get on with it...
The cover of this book shows Jess and Liz standing by a Christmas tree in their PJs, and it opens up to reveal a picture of the twins looking all grown-up like, still in the same pajamas (which have magically grown with them...somehow). They look like the Sweet Valley High versions of themselves. There is also a little circle on the cover bearing the statement "SWEET VALLEY HIGH- NOW A HIT TV SERIES!" I wish it still was.

Our story begins with the Unicorns having an emergency meeting at Janet Howell's house (OMG, "emergency"...I wonder what's going on!!!!) right after school lets out for winter break. Janet is wearing a red pleated skirt with a belt and a red, green, and gold VEST. She is described as looking "festive". (Excuse me, Janet, but as President of the Unicorns, YOU of all people should remember that you are supposed to ALWAYS wear something PURPLE...it's like the LAW!!!!) Jessica is practically shitting her white denim pants as she looks around the room admiring the Howell's Christmas decorations. She ponders what to get Janet for Christmas, and we get a description of her relationship with Janet.
Apparently, Janet and her SUPER HOTT older brother Joe (he's FOURTEEN!!!! and in HIGH SCHOOL!!!!) are throwing a joint holiday party (Hey, this is Sweet Valley, so by "joint" they mean TOGETHER, right?) this year. That means there will be HIGH SCHOOL BOYS in attendance!!!! Woohooo!!!! Jessica decides that this will be "the most sophisticated party of all time" (ummm, sorry Jess, but I went to a party at a billionaire's house last year, and I think that was a LITTLE more sophisticated than this promises to be...)
Janet goes on to tell her minions that, since this is a grown-up party, they MUST be presentable and grown-up looking for the event. This leads to more outfit descriptions- Lila Fowler is wearing black denim jeans, a black silk shirt, and leather boots (this sounds like the outfit I wore to work yesterday...); Mandy Miller is rocking candy-cane striped leggings, a red sweater, and some stupid hat...that outfit sounds OK, except for that damn hat. They look fabulous, as always (because NOBODY ever looks bad in Sweet Valley, even the poor kids have amazing fashion senses that make others overlook the fact that they are POOR!!!!), but then Janet has to go and be a total bitch, criticizing Jessica for her white jeans and unicorn t-shirt. Jess is super sad because she looks like a KID compared to the others (awww, it's OK Jess!!!! You're TWELVE, honey, not twenty!!!!).

Cut to Elizabeth and Amy Sutton (more like, cut to a NAP, because this promises to be a boring part...) in the SVMS halls, bitching about the fact that they're SO smart and have run out of books to read over Winter Break. (Yawn, go watch some TV or something!!!) Then the book randomly launches into the obligatory description of the twins. (Side note: WOW, SVMS has a 2 1/2 week Winter Break!!!! That seems extra long to me for some reason. We usually got a week off for the holidays, until I started high school and our Winter Break was the last 2 weeks of the year PLUS all of January...) Liz and Amy bitch some more about how they've already read ALL the Amanda Howard mysteries, and Liz gets the idea to buy Amy a book for Christmas.
Finally, after like 5 pages of HELL, Jess re-appears and joins Liz and Amy for the walk home. She's bubbling over with excitement about the party, and so are the ever-boring Liz and Amy (more like LAME-Y, haha) once they learn that Janet has also invited them (WHY?!?! Must be some sort of Bring-A-Dork Party...) As they walk, they discuss what to wear (well, Jessica does most of the talking), until an elephant rolls by (WTF?!?!) and they realize that a Christmas carnival is coming to Sweet Valley. Amy of course wants to go immediately, but Jess and Liz think it's babyish and decide to go shopping.
The next morning, the entire Wakefield family is gathered around the breakfast table. Steven is whining about how he's just too damn grown up to pick out a Christmas tree with his family. (I sort of agree with Steve on this one, most guys his age are out with friends and trying to get laid, but he is from Sweet Valley, where everybody is a virgin until they go to Sweet Valley University...) Jess and Liz are disappointed- they LOVE their tree-picking tradition, and so do their parents. After some guilt-tripping, Steven relents and agrees to go for Mr. Wakefield's sake.
The next chapter involves Jess strolling through Kendall's department store, looking for "adult" clothing. She tries on hats that are WAY too big, and the saleslady suggests that she try the kids' department. She also tries to get a makeover, but the lady is a total BITCH about it, and she tells poor Jess to run along and play. (As a makeup artist myself, I can attest that a girl Jess's age doesn't NEED makeup whatsoever, but I have no reservations about 12 year-olds wearing it for special occasions, it's like a rite of passage!!!!)
The book randomly cuts to Steven and Joe Howell. Steven doesn't want the twins at the party because he thinks they'll embarrass him in front of the ladies... End chapter.
The next chapter starts with Elizabeth in the book store, shopping for an early Christmas gift for Amy. She finds nothing in the young adult section, so the sales lady suggests that she try the "adult department". (Ummm, pause!!!! Why doesn't the ghostwriter simply say "FICTION department" or something that doesn't sound so DIRTY!!!!! All this talk about "adult departments" is kind of disturbing...) Liz does just that, but still finds nothing. The saleslady suggests that she get Amy a biography (because EVERY 12 year-old wants to read that crap...), so Liz chooses one about horses and her total comes up to $65.42!!!! (Oh snap, that's an expensive book...but I guess that Sweet Valley "adult department" has a right to charge whatever they want for that freaky equine-fetish porn, so whatevs!!!!) Liz is embarrassed because she doesn't have the money, so she leaves that damn "adult department" empty-handed (Thank god!!!! I was worried that I would have to call the Sweet Valley Police Department and report that that damn bookstore was selling adult materials to a freakin 12 year-old!!!!) and feeling like a kid. (Hahaha, I love when Liz gets knocked down a peg and put in her place!!!! Take that, Elizabeth!!!!) She walks home, laughing like a cray bitch for some reason, and Steven sees her. He's super embarrassed that she's walking around in public like that, naturally, and he even goes so far as to bribe her to not attend the Howell's party.
The next chapter starts with Jessica still shopping at Kendall's. All of the dresses SUCK, like really, really BADLY!!!! Everything looks like it's for BABIES!!!! Like, imagine lots of bows and lace and crushed velvet *shudders, imagining all of that*...it's really more Elizabeth's style, so Jess goes to the petites section, and SHOCKER! nothing fits her because she's TWELVE. *Exasperated sigh, why doesn't Sweet Valley have like a Limited Too?!?! That place was AWESOME when I was 12...* Jess gets re-directed to the childrens' department. *Sighs again*
Jess and Liz sit around bitching about how unfair it is to be 12. Fun fact: Elizabeth's favorite dress is blue, with a bow in the back. Jess calls it a "drip dress", whatever THAT means, I shall not speculate. She goes on to call it "dorky" and "dweeby", and I wonder if Mrs. Wakefield should ground her for such language. Liz goes on a crazy rampage through her closet and decides that all her clothes SUCK. (No shit, Liz, that's why Jess is a UNICORN and you write for The Sixers.) Then she randomly thinks about going back to that damn "adult section" and buying THREE books...hmmm, again with that?!?! (Really, they've beat that phrase into the ground, and all I can think of is how I always wanted to go into the adult room at the video store when I was younger. I went in there when I was of legal age and discovered that it was full of creepy dudes looking at porn and such...) Liz tells Jess to go out and find them some skanky/HOTT outfits for the party, but only after CRYING about it (real grown-up, Liz...). Jess promises to, because Lila's chauffeur is taking Lila to L.A. to shop the next day, and there's an outlet mall there. (What kind of parent hires a stranger to drive his 12 year-old daughter to Los Angeles to shop at expensive stores ALONE? I could understand if Janet was going with, but even that seems a little risky in this scary world outside of Sweet Valley.)
The twins go to the Christmas carnival with the Unicorn Club, super exciting. They buy some roasted chestnuts from a vendor who looks like an elf, and he tosses some of their change into a wishing well after making a wish for the twins. He wished for them to have an unforgettable Christmas, and I'm sure that they will...
Steven is also at the Christmas carnival with his BFF, Joe Howell. (What is up with these two? I'll have to pay closer attention to their relationship this time around.) Liz and Jess decide to go say "hello", and Jessica totally calls Steven on his earlier statement that "Christmas carnivals are for babies". He tells them to leave him alone, but one of his friends steps in and is all like "Dude, your sisters are HOT, and they're TWINS!!!! What's up, ladies?!?!" (Okay, I paraphrased, but that was pretty close.) His name is Tim Reed, and both of the twins think he's HOTT. A red flag pops up in my head when the ghostwriter makes this Tim character reveal that he reads Amanda Howard mysteries (*cough* gay *cough*) and wants to ride the carousel.
He apparently does just that, and Steven is upset with him for some reason afterwards. He thinks the twins will follow Tim around 24/7 because he rode it THREE times with them and their Unicorn friends. Tim even promises Jess the first dance, and Steven is still super-worried that his sisters will embarrass him at Jo-Ho's party in front of HIGH SCHOOL SENIORS. But, on the upside, everyone is jealous of Jess, and Liz found somebody else to bore with her incessant babblings about Amanda Howard mysteries (is Amanda Howard the write, or the fictional character, I wonder.), but Steven is still acting like a little bitch. He buys some chestnuts to cheer himself up, and sees a weird flash of light, which the twins also see, but nobody else notices.
Jess comes home from her shopping trip to L.A., and she has hit the JACKPOT!!! She found a "little person" having a yard sale and stocked up on lots of FABULOUS clothing. There's jackets, pants, accessories, AND skirts, with cool colors and glitter and beads and sequins and feathers, and I shudder at all of this tacky-sounding stuff. Liz is thinking about how nice it is to have finally met a boy who likes to talk about "the kinds of books they would like to write or edit when they grew up". (Sounds to me like he's either a) gay or b) trying to get in her pants...but again, this is Sweet Valley so it's most likely c) an A-sexual talking Ken Doll with a SVH letter jacket...a vision of Todd Wilkins 4 years in the future, I imagine.) Liz thinks (nauseating the hell out of me as she does) that she wants to look super glamourous "like a New York writer" at Janet and Jo-Ho's party, and then she worries that she's becoming "boy-crazy like Jessica". She also thinks about how bitchy Steven has been about them going to the party, and asks Jess to do her makeup for the party so she looks SUPER HOT and Steven feels bad about trying to bribe her not to go. (Oh, NOW who's the boy-crazy twin, Liz?!?! There you go, thinking about Steven again. Yeah, I know they're brother and sister, but I totally went there!!!!)
The next day (Party Day!!!! Wooohooo!!!) Steven and Mr. W are out shopping for special groceries for their family Christmas-tree setting-up thing, and they run into Mr. Howell. After some quick convo, Mr. W finds out that the party is for BOTH SVMS and SVH students, and there will be *gasp* SENIORS there!!! It will be properly supervised, of course, but Steven promises his dad that he will be babysitting the twins if things get "too wild". Mr. W is shocked and starts imagining all sorts of horrible scenarios involving the SVH athletes and his precious twins. Steven laughs inwardly as he tries to imagine "Joe's well-behaved friends getting rowdy in someone else's house". (Ummm, OK, Sweet Valley is full of perfectly dull and boring children, I get that, but look how much changed when Jess and Liz got to high school. It's those middle-schoolers that I'm worried about.) He pretty much talks Mr. W into forbidding the twins to go.
Meanwhile, the twins are getting all whored up in their new clothes,

and Mrs. W comes in and asks if they're going to a costume party (oh, sad!!!), which makes the twins feel sorta stupid. She goes on to suggest that Jess wear her green satin skirt and vest (shouldn't she wear a SHIRT as well? What is with these Sweet Valley girls and VESTS?), and Liz should wear her blue velvet pinafore. (I Googled "pinafore", and they're hideous. It's like a jumper/dress, and it usually needs a shirt under it, but again Mrs. W fails to mention a SHIRT.) The twins are all like "Hells no, mom!!! There's HIGH SCHOOL kids there!!!" And Mrs. W is all "Pause, HIGH SCHOOL KIDS?!?!" She had apparently assumed that Steven was going to the Howell's to help with the Unicorn's party by setting up, decorating, and serving food. Because, you know, teenage boys in Sweet Valley do that kind of thing. She doesn't think the twins should go, and when Mr. W arrives home all freaked out about the same thing, they call the Howells and learn that there will be SENIORS there, so the twins aren't allowed to go, which makes Elizabeth burst into tears. (I smiled when this happened, I won't lie.) She only stops after an equally-sickening self-absorbed thought session. She goes on for an entire paragraph about how she's SO responsible, mature, capable, not stuck-up at all...I want to vomit, but luckily the chapter ends there.
Steven goes to the party, while the twins sit in the den (what exactly is a den? Is that like some ancient Man-Cave?) and pout about how they're 12...this is getting tiresome. Luckily, Mrs. W comes in, gives a little speech about 12 being a "special age", and Elizabeth runs out of the room in tears (seriously, what a BABY). Mrs. W, not wanting to do any parenting that evening (too much eggnog, I assume), sends Jess to talk to her. Jess is all like "Stop whining, Liz, I'm a genius, remember?" And she convinces Liz to sneak out, but Liz complains the whole time and acts so stuck-up about it, but she goes along with it. Liz's party outfit is white silk trousers and a ruffled blouse, while Jess wears a sequined blouse. They put on some lipgloss to look more "festive", and attempt to BS their parents into believing that they're going back to that damn carnival. Of course, Alice and Ned are not complete idiots (and I'm assuming that Elizabeth is a terrible liar, so that was probably a dead giveaway) and they decide to make it a family thing.
Jess and Liz are understandably upset, and their parents totally embarrass them by acting like a couple of horny teenagers, prancing about the carnival holding hands and kissing, and (I think) doing each other in the Tunnel of Luv. So Jess and Liz decide to ditch them and go make a wish at the wishing well. They both wish they were grown up at exactly the same time, throw in their money, and feel a weird breeze immediately afterwards. (At this point, I'm about halfway through the book and I'm starting to get frustrated by the fact that they are still 12...they're right, them being 12 is super-annoying!!!)
We then find Steven at the party, not enjoying himself very much. He likes the music, there's a band, AND mini-hamburgers!!! Plus some other food that sounds really good (and I'm wondering why I wasn't invited, maybe the cost of postage changed and my invite was lost in the mail?), but apparently the cookies suck. Tim comes up and starts yelling in Steven's ear. First, he asks where the twins are (underage blonde twins!!!! Oh yeah *Kool-Aid Man Voice*!!!!!), then he comments on how good the food is (bastard!!!)...but then it gets kind of awkward when he asks Steven why he isn't dancing. Steven retreats to his own thoughts after that, natch, and comes to realize that he was wrong about his sisters. He's proud of them, and they would have had a great time at the party, which makes him feel super-guilty so he decides to leave. He thanks Jo-Ho (of course they had to throw that in, those Sweet Valley boys ALWAYS thank their hosts) and departs for his house, thinking creepily that he is going to take the twins out for pizza and invite Tim to go along. Ummmm...okay then, moving on...
Liz and Jess are STILL pouting, and their parents are totally making fun of them. Haha, I love it!!!! Mrs. W is especially picking on Liz, which makes it even funnier. Liz realizes her mother is laughing at her (HOW DARE SHE!!!! Liz is perfect...NOT). They get home and discover that Steven is already asleep, so the pout for a bit and finally go to bed.
ABOUT DAMN TIME!!!! Liz and Jess wake up and discover that things have CHANGED!!! Liz gets up and her nightgown is too tight...oh, no!!!! It eventually rips, which amuses me slightly. She runs into the bathroom, sees her reflection in the mirror, thinks it's a stranger, and totally trips out. When she sees Jess, they both freak out and run around screaming like crazy ladies for a bit. Luckily, Ned and Alice are passed out drunk (at least in my mind), so they don't come running to check on their babies.
Their parents finally do appear, at the beginning of the next chapter, and the twins bullshit them into leaving them alone so they can figure out what to do about the fact that they both have aged like 8 years overnight. Jess puts on a towel (because none of their clothes fit anymore, obviously) and raids Mrs. W's closet. She throws on a black jumpsuit (WTF?!?! Google is showing me some pretty cool ones...that really dates this book if they have in fact come back in style since it was written, scary thought) and heels, and she grabs a few things for Liz too. Liz chooses a blue tweed suit and flats (sounds boring) and the twins escape the house.
Once outside, they ponder how much they've aged and are surprised to see that they've got "a bust" (Jess's words, not mine), but Jess is even more excited about the fact that she is NOT FAT!!!! Because she eats LOTS of junk food, as you well know.
Speaking of junk food, Liz and Jess are STARVING, so they go to the Sweet Valley Bakery and trick a supervisor into giving them free donuts (because they're SMOKIN HOTTIES!!!!), which leads to them getting a job as truck drivers for the bakery. Meanwhile, Ned and Alice are FREAKING OUT!!!! Their precious twins are MISSING (even though it's only 8:30 in the morning at this point) and the caught a glimpse of a mysterious blonde woman (Jessica) leaving their house. The police are skeptical and accuse the twins of running away, which pisses Mr. and Mrs. W off pretty badly. No police report is filed, since they haven't been missing for the required 24 hours (not even an Amber Alert?!?! WTF?!?! *Googling* Amber Alerts started in 1996, and this is 1994, so my bad.) Steven still feels super-guilty, so he goes to look for his sisters while his parents stay home.
The second half of the chapter is devoted to Jess and Liz driving the bakery truck. Jess is a bad driver, hate to say it. She causes a 5 car pileup, which results in the twins having to make a crazy run from the cops. Conveniently, Steven witnesses some of this, and his sisters are able to grab him and pull him into an alley.
They manage to convince him of their identity, and he gives them his allowance money (awwww, points to Steve for being a good big bro!!!) so they can survive for a while without starving to death. He also agrees to get them some other necessities and set up a temporary living area in the room above the garage (I did not recall them ever mentioning this room before or after, but I have a bad memory...Did Margo in the SVH books know about this place?). Liz is all responsible and shit, so she makes Jess get a job at a temp service.
The twins go for their interviews (who interviews at a temp service? I thought they hired everybody) at the Zippy Temp Service, AND they get a $20 signing bonus!!! Elizabeth thinks that the service "must be desperate for help" since "a lot of people take days off around Christmas", no shit Liz!!!!
Luckily, the temp service is in an office building connected to...THE SWEET VALLEY MALL!!!! And who do our blonde heroines encounter but the UNICORNS!!!! Jess goes for the dramatic and pretends to be a Supermodel shopping for a dress for Johnny Buck's Christmas party, and the dumb bitches totally fall for it. Lila and Janet ask Jessica for advice, because they both want to be Supermodels when they grow up. Jess feels kind of sad that they didn't recognize her as Jessica, and Liz spouts some BS about how it's like they DIED or something. Liz also comes up with the brilliant idea to go by Jessica and Elizabeth SMITH, because nobody will think that's obvious or anything.
Liz gets interviewed for a job in publishing, and I have to sit through a couple pages where she brags about being an A-student, editor and founder of The Sixers, ect. The only redeeming moment of that scene is when the interviewer points out that The Sixers was only started THAT YEAR, so 20 year-old Liz could NOT have worked on it in middle school. Liz comes up with the lame excuse that she went to middle school in Kansas, and their paper was also called The Sixers. She says she suggested it to her niece who goes to SVMS, and the lady totally kisses her ass for that. It's nauseating, to say the least, but luckily we get to read about Jessica's interview as well. Jess gets a job in FASHION, obviously.
On the bus ride to work, Jess meets a guy and pretends to be a Supermodel again. Dude totally seems to fall for it, until they get off the bus and Jess realizes that he's a photographer at her temp job...ooops. Needless to say, Jess HATES her job after like 5 minutes. There's lots of boring filing and getting yelled at, so Jess thinks about how simple life was when she was 12 (like, yesterday!!!!).
Liz also hates her job. There's too much stress and she has NO IDEA what to do. So she, in typical Liz fashion, thinks about how she NEVER feels challenged at school *gag*, and how different the adult world is, and she too wishes she were 12 again.
Meanwhile, Ned and Alice are still at home, still freaking out. Steven STILL feels guilty as hell, but even more now that he actually knows what happened to his sisters. He wants to tell his parents what happened so they stop worrying, but obviously he can't, so he gets grounded.
The next chapter begins with Jess at work, punching holes into pieces of paper because her boss thinks she's an idiot and can't possibly mess that up. Naturally she gets bored and starts to doodle on said papers, sketching out outfits for herself and Liz (the 12 year-old versions), and they're pretty AMAZING. The bosses somehow get to seeing them, and they too fall in love with the designs, because they oh-so-conveniently run a preteen-oriented design business that is failing because none of the have any idea what 12 year-olds actually like, so cue Jessica Smith!!!! They want to make a new collection called "The Jessica Collection"!!!!! *Excited screams* Jess even ends up getting asked out by that cute photographer from the bus, but she declines in favor of dinner with Liz. (Good move, Jess, I'm pretty sure that's still ILLEGAL, even if you did wish to be an adult and it actually happened, you're still technically TWELVE, and plus, dude obviously doesn't have a car because you met him on the BUS...*cough* loser *cough*)
The second half of the chapter is devoted to Liz at a business meeting for the book publishers. *Yawn* They want to do a new YA series, but all their ideas already exist, so they fight over which one to rip-off. Liz interjects (without being asked) that they should write a series about TWINS (because that has never been done before...), and they of course shit their pants over the idea. They decide to call the series Sweet Valley Twins (and I decide that I hate when they bring reality into these books, it like messes up the time-space continum and creates a massive black hole on page 212 or something), ands the want to model one of the twins after Liz. (Because EVERYBODY loves her SOOOOO much *gag*)
The work day ends (thankfully, I was starting to think that I should be getting paid for having to read about people at work on MY day off!!!!) and the twins meet for dinner. Jess is thrilled that she got promoted, but deep down both twins still wish they were 12 because this adult world is just so complicated, but they can't express this because each thinks that the other is HAPPY in this new world. (They really are BAD twins, not picking up on each other's emotions.)
Later that evening, Steven sneaks out to meet up with the twins. He wants to find a way to bring them back to childhood, but they just seem so damn happy that he can't bear to do so. The three of them walk around, discussing vehicles they want to purchase and future road trips. Suddenly, they encounter a large group of their friends out caroling (apparently, they made plans to do this at the Howell's party, because that's how it goes down at Sweet Valley parties), and we get the book's ONLY appearance of Todd Wilkins (aka- T-Wilk), but he's only mentioned in passing. Liz sees Amy in the group and calls out to her. Amy is confused, natch, and she runs away. This makes Liz cry, bringing the Liz Wakefield Cry Count to THREE times in one book (but it IS a Magna edition, so I expected that).
When they get to their hiding place above the garage, the twins can see their parents walking around the house, looking super-sad and obviously missing them. This leads to a 3-way fight between the twins and Steven, each accusing the other of being totally selfish...blah, blah, blah, ect. It ends with the twins agreeing to go back to being 12, and they decide that the only way to accomplish this is to return to the Christmas carnival and un-wish their wish.
They sneak out with Steven in tow, but when they get to the carnival, they discover that it has packed up and moved on...FOUR HOURS AWAY!!!! So their only option is to take a bus to the new location. They do, but the carnival is closed when they arrive. So they stand outside screaming until somebody comes to see what's up. It's the little chestnut-selling elf-man!!!! And his little elf-wife, who happens to be the lady that sold Jessica all the fancy party clothes back in like chapter 6!!!! He lets them in and everything lights up magically as they run to the wishing well. All three of them make the same wish (or would it be an "un-wish"?) and nothing happens. Disappointed, they get on another bus and head home. (How convenient is it that the return bus to Sweet Valley comes along like 10 minutes after the arrival bus...) The twins fall asleep in the back of the bus, and Steven spaces out for awhile, worrying about the wish not working. When they reach SV, the twins wake up and realize that they are 12 again!!!! Woohooo, most cop-out ending EVER.
The twins return home, Liz cries AGAIN (4 times total, a new record thus far!!!) and everybody's happy to see them. Mr. W "grounds" the twins to a solid week and a half of Christmas festivities with the fam, and nobody bothers to ask where they were all this time, or even yell at them.
The End.

*The back of this book has an ad for the SVH Fan Club. For only $6.25, I can get a year membership and TONS of cool shit, like a memory box, a flower barrette, Oracle stationary, AND a pencil!!!! Wow, I am SO sending this in next time I go to mail some bills!!!!
*Jess gets a raise AND a promotion her first (and only) day of work!!!! I wish real life worked like that.
*Liz is NOT as successful as her twin on their day of work. Jamie Suzanne wrote this book, and if memory serves, she was more pro-Jess than pro-Liz.
*Todd Wilkins only appears ONCE in the entire book, and he doesn't speak. Thank god for small favors.
*Lila and Janet are totally in awe of grown-up Jess. They're so mean to normal Jess sometimes, this actually made me feel a little better about them because now (in my adult mind) I can see that they're actually two very insecure girls under all that money, makeup, and purple.
*Tim Reed is obviously gay.

*Nobody bothers to ASK where the twins were after they return home. And they don't get punished, nor is the incident ever spoken about again. It seems unrealistic to me.
*This book was SO long, and they were only grown up for like two chapters, all in all.
*Lila has a CHAUFFER?!! This just seems unrealistic to me that ANY father (even one as distant as Mr. F) would let his 12 year-old run around unsupervised with only a paid employee to watch over her.
*No Bruce Patman...BOOO!!!!!


  1. After re-reading this, I have discovered that Liz's Cry Count for this book is actually FIVE TIMES, not FOUR as previously stated. My bad.

  2. I never read this one, but I remember liking the other Christmas Specials, the one with the doll-elves and its a wonderful life rip off.

    I also wish getting a promotion on first day of work was realistic! Hmm wonder if Jessica's employers will just rip off her designs and profit from them as Jessica just disappears again.

  3. I really liked the It's a Wonderful Life rip-off, it's actually on its way to me right now (gotta love e-Bay!!!), but I don't remember the one with the doll-elves...
    I'm sure they totally ripped off Jess' designs and sold them at a price only Lila Fowler could afford :)