Saturday, December 18, 2010

Great TV Viewing (Season 1, Episode 2) "Oracle on Air"

I don't know if this is actually a book. I don't believe it is. After that last episode, I would prefer if it was not, because "Dangerous Love" was absolutely nothing like it's written counterpart. I'm guessing this episode centers around SVH's newspaper, so I expect lots of Elizabeth worship and Jessica getting blamed for everything that is wrong with the world.

As I watch the opening credits, I wonder where these people are now. *Future blog idea*
We open with our two favorite blondes walking the hallowed halls of SVH. Liz is up on her soap box, preaching to Jess about her love of low-class guys and how she needs to find a guy that's as great and wonderful (and SO in the closet) as one Todd Wilkins. He's dependable and reliable and all that shit, to which Jess so cutely replies, "That's not a boy, that's a boy scout". Score one for Jess.
Oooh, SVH is getting in-school TV, and Liz practically shits her pants with excitement. Jess could care less, and I think we all know what's coming... Cue hot TV equipment guy!!!
(Jess has a Yankees hat on, BOO!!!! I'll assume she borrowed this from Liz/Todd...)
Jess wants to anchor the in-school TV, and Liz keeps talking her down, explaining all the boring stuff that she will have to do. Give your sister some credit, Liz, she'll get some dork to do it all for her.
Bruce Pattman glued Winston's ass to a picnic table, random. I think there's a gay joke here, but I won't be the one to make it. Winston gets revenge on Bruce by messing with his Porsche, but that backfires on Winston, hahaha. Bruce has also decided that he wants to join the TV project (as the sports guy) for whatever reason.
Jessica switches the labels on the twins' TV audition tapes, because hers is pretty bad, hate to say it. And of course she gets the coveted anchor position. Lila gets to do the fashion report, yay!!! Liz thinks there's a mistake (since she ALWAYS wins) and goes to tell on her twin, who is currently busy with the TV guy.
Liz keeps bitching, blah blah blah, and gets offered a job on the crew. She pouts with Todd at the Moon Beach. "They should change the name from 'Oracle on Air' to 'Airheads On Air'". Ouch Liz, bitchy jealous much?!?!
Bruce Pattman has a pretty sick Porsche, I must say. I would totally hook up with him. Winston's still trying to "get" him, zzzzzzzzzz.
Jess is having trouble writing her news report, so she smartly tricks Liz into writing it while she does her makeup and gets a bikini wax. (Do 16 year olds REALLY get bikini waxes?!?! That seems a little young, even for California.) Liz screws Jess over by giving her blank stories as she's about to go to air. That bitch. So Jess is forced to go live and make an ass of herself. I want to know what sister would be able to stand by and watch her sister be tortured and humiliated. Jess gives up and OF COURSE Liz is standing right there to jump in and take control. I swear that girl just lurks around and waits for poor Jess to breakdown.
Winston finally gets Bruce back by writing things like "Look how my nostrils flare when I talk" and "Money is my gerbil's name" on the screen while Bruce is doing his sports report. Lame. Like that's going to hurt the richest guy in SV's social standing any. Nice try Eggbert.

*Bruce Pattman subplot!!! Bruce is one of my favorite SV characters.
*Jess says 2 hours might be enough time to do her makeup. I fully understand this, as it also takes me hours to do my hair and makeup. Liz could stand to follow Jess' lead on this one, being that she usually looks half-awake and about 10 years older than her twin.
*Bruce Pattman's car was not hurt by any of Winston's lame pranks. Like I said, it's a pretty sick car and I would hate to see it harmed.
*"That's not a boy, that's a BOY SCOUT!!!!"

*Lame Eggbert subplot. That guy annoys me SO much. I wish he would move out of Sweet Valley.
*Jess' Yankee hat. I hate to admit it right now, but I'm a Twins fan.
(Sidenote on that: This episode is from 1994, and my timeline puts it somewhere around the end of baseball season. This isn't significant in itself, but when you consider that Major League Baseball was ON STRIKE at the time, it makes Jessica's hat choice more interesting. The entire postseason was canceled that year and the Yankees had been on top of the American League before the strike happened. I became a Yankee fan the following season, but I am also a Simpsons fan and I remember an episode where Mr. Burns had a baseball team and recruited some striking MLB players to be on it- Wade Boggs and Dom Mattingly, I believe. The team also included Jim Abbot- a one handed pitcher who I remember mostly from his guest appearance on Boy Meets World. I guess the players had to do something while they were on strike...although I do wonder why NONE of them bothered to make a cameo on SVH (Quakefield Wakefield, I'm looking at you!!!!!). And that concludes today's baseball lesson. I'd like to thank my dad for that first part.)

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