Summer has finally arrived at last. Well, for me at least. And, being that basketball season is winding down until fall, there is only ONE redeeming thing about this season...THE NATHAN'S 4TH OF JULY HOT DOG EATING CONTEST!!!! Yes, friends, I must now admit my love of competitive eating. (Not participating, of course, just watching freakishly skinny men stuff their faces with HDs in order to win the coveted Mustard Belt!!!!) Hot dogs (or HDs, as I like to call them) are best served grilled, so I wonder what all this water nonsense is all about...
That really has nothing to do with the episode, I just needed an intro because this episode is quite dull, I am warning you now. We're currently about halfway through season 2, and so far I am not amused. No wonder this show only lasted like 4 seasons!!!! The episodes are SO predictable (Jess falls in love, Enid annoys the hell out of me, Liz misses Todd, subplot, MONTAGE!, revenge scenario...Sorry if that spoiled it for anyone!!!) and it lacks the sass of season 1. At least season 1 had LOTS of shots of Jess in various bikinis, and tons of closeups!!! Plus, that Bruce was WAY sexier, and Enid got much less screen time. Although there IS something to be said about this new badass Todd!!!!
Surprise, surprise, today's episode begins at the Moon Beach. Winston is serving hot dogs, and Enid randomly spazzes out on him when he serves her food. (Stupidly, of course.) Girl's got some rage!!! Jess and Li are impressed by how bitchy (I mean- assertive) Enid is being, and Enid tells them that it's all because she's using some new cassette tape program. (Cassette? Get an iPod, dumbass!!!!) It's one of those ones that use subliminal messages and hidden tracks to implant ideas in your brain. In this case, Enid is learning to be more assertive. Liz praises Enid for doing this, and she suggests that Jess should use the tape program as part of her B-Plot... Really, that opening just established the entire B-Plot, so now we get back to business...
Liz and Todd (having reconnected in the last episode to some degree) are both still moping about their failed relationship. You see, the HDs Win is cooking up remind tyhem of their first date. For plot purposes, their first date was at some place called BUN DOGGIES. (I guess "Informal Bowling Parties" was more suited to the previous episode...) Liz and Todd's anniversary is coming up (which I find bizarre because, in season 1, their anniversary falls before Halloween and it is now sometime after CHRISTMAS...) and they still haven't gotten back together, much to Liz's unhappiness. Enid doesn't help matters by asking all about Bun Doggies, and by wondering out loud if Todd will ask Liz out for their anniversary. Enid, go away!!! You = NOT helping.
Todd retreats to his usual hideout- the MB billiards room. He plays a solo game (LOL), and whines to Winston about how much he wants Liz back. (Welcome back, Todd, I didn't miss you!!!!) Win suggests that Todd recreate their first date. For some odd reason that I will not speculate on, Win has the shirt that Todd wore on said date. Okay then. Lila interrupts by laughing at Win's stupidity. She suggests a romantic evening with a limo and a nice dining experience (ie. no HDs!!!! NOOOOO!!!!). Win and Lila go back and forth about the idea, and then they decide to give Todd a makeover so he can win Liz back. (Insert required MONTAGE! here.) Lila and Win continue to butt heads over Todd's love life, so he ditches them both and goes to sulk some more.
Todd decides not to abandon his mission, so he goes to the mall to get a gift for Liz. Since it's a proven fact that Todd has never been able to shop solo (random- is it weird that, since SVC, every time I think of Todd, I think of him watching porn? This disturbs me to no end!!!!), Lila decides to help him. Because nobody can shop like LILA. He agrees to let her take full control of the shopping. Some things NEVER change.
Conveniently, Liz and Enid are also at the mall. Liz is STILL whining about Todd's failure to ask her out, and I could care less. Seriously, get over yourself!!!! Ask him, stupid!!!! Of course, Liz sees Lila and Todd together. She automatically assumes the worst. She eavesdrops on their convo (Lila has given Todd some dialogue to practice so he can impress Liz) and continues to make her stupid assumptions. Somebody should have told her not to assume so much... Liz goes home, dejected and crying.
At school the following day, Todd brings flowers for Liz and tries to put his plan into action. Liz rejects him and accuses him of trying to scam on her with the same pickup lines he was using on Lila at the mall. She basically tells him to fuck off, and I start to wonder what this has to do with hot dogs and their water. *Thinking it out* Hot dogs BOIL in water...something's boiling? I still don't get it. All this thinking is making me hungry for a hot dog, however...
Todd runs to the Moon Beach to escape his sorrows, and Lila and Winston show up to console him. Of course, Li and Win begin to argue about who's at fault as soon as Todd slinks away, possibly to cry. They eventually agree that they were both wrong, and they decide to compromise...
Winston goes to the Wakefield's house and drags Liz out under false pretenses. Lila also lures Todd out and drops him off at Bun Doggies. Yep, Liz and Todd are being set up. Awwwww, that's kinda sweet. Lila has even set up a romantic dinner (of hot dogs!!!!!) for the young lovers. Liz and Todd both apologize for being so stupid, and they end up making up. And making out...much to my disgust. (And, WOW, people in the '90's wore WAY too much plaid!!!! I think I actually had the same shirt that Todd is wearing right here...)
As I mentioned earlier, Enid is using an audio cassette program to make herself more assertive. She is also working at a new job- THE LIBRARY!!!! (That's where she got the assertiveness tapes from, actually.) Jess, meanwhile, is auditioning for SVH's production of The Wizard of Oz. Liz suggests that Jess use the tapes to learn her Dorothy lines.
You see, Jess knows NOTHING about the Wizard. She gets characters wrong, and she basically sucks at acting in this episode. She agrees to try the tapes and goes to visit Enid at the library to get them. Everybody is SHOCKED to see Jess at the library, and people even offer to give her directions because she is obviously lost. Stupid Enid is labeling the tapes when Jess comes in and, in typical Eeny fashion, Enid fucks up and labels the wrong tapes for Jess. The dumb bitch gave Jess some Rosetta Stone, and now Jess is learning Spanish instead of her lines!!!!
On the day of the audition, Jess puts on her sexiest Dorothy ensemble and gets up on stage to recite her lines. Predictably, she delivers them in SPANISH, and makes a total ass out of herself. Everybody laughs at her, and Jess vows to kill Enid!!!! SWEET!!!! (Sidebar: Remember how much Todd loved threatening to kill people last season? I find it odd that the new badass Todd never uttered a single death threat...)
Enid avoids Jess for as long as she can, but Jess still manages to force Enid to wash the Jeep as payback. Me, I probably would have taken Option A...
****The SarahLynn Summary****
*Never let your friends get involved in your love life, EVER!!!!!
*And can I PLEASE punch Enid just once? Just one little time?!?!
Next Time on SVH TV:
12 season 2 episodes remain... SAM WOODRUFF!!!! Jess + Bruce = ???, plus some TIME TRAVEL!!!!!
***One More Thing***
I was out running my usual Friday errands today and I stopped by the used bookstore in search of some poolside reading for my 3 day weekend (haha)!!!! I purchased ELEVEN Sweet Valley books, but I'm not going to tell you what they are just yet. Expect at least one recap this weekend!!!