Wednesday, June 8, 2011
SVT Super Edition #9 - The Twins Go To College
Wow, I've gotten a lot of page views this week! It seems my most popular post was Maria's Movie Comeback, so I'm planning on reading a few more Unicorn Club books this week. But, as for today, I'm feeling lazy so I decided to recap a SVT Super Edition that I read last week. Jessica and Elizabeth are going to college! And we're going with them! This is exciting to me, since I am a college dropout and this is probably the closest I will ever get to going back to school...
This book came out right when I stopped reading SVT. It was published in August of 1997, and a very talented (or not) group of brothers from Tulsa, Oklahoma were a top the pop music charts with a little song called "Mmmbop", so I was just too busy to be bothered with reading the SVTs. My mind was maturing, and Sweet Valley High was just SO much cooler. Besides, Jess and Liz had been in the 6th grade for most of my life at this point, and I was getting a little tired of it.
I cannot tell which twin is which here. I would assume the one with the ponytail is Liz, but she's wearing a purple shirt so I just don't know!!! Both twins appear to be wearing Doc Martins (which seem a little dated, even for 1997, IMO) and they're SUPER tan. It's almost creepy how tan these girls are. Looking at this, I'm surprised SVC didn't feature one of them getting skin cancer...
I'm seeing a pattern with these Super Editions. Jess and Lila are hanging out, talking about how awesome summer is and how they don't have to go to school. Of course, this pleases them. They continue to complain about school, and they both agree that school should teach classes about important stuff, like shopping. (Side note: My high school was located in a shopping mall, and I took a fashion design class where we got extra credit for bringing in clothing designed by people we were studying. I had an A+ in the class, and my parents had the credit card bills to prove it.) I agree with Jess and Li here, learning should be hands-on and FUN, dammit!!! As if on cue, Jess checks the mail and sees that a letter has arrived from Sweet Valley University. It's addressed to both Liz and Jess, and it informs them that they have been accepted into SVU's summer study program.
The program lasts 2 weeks, and the students get to live on campus. Jess is not at all excited, however. Her parents forced her to apply with Liz because they're sick of looking at their hideous spawn and they just want the house to themselves so they can get shitfaced and maybe throw a key party. Oh wait, they're shipping Steven off to basketball camp (sweet!!! Can I go too?!?!) and going on a second honeymoon to the Grand Canyon. Ewww, I did NOT need that mental image. No matter how much she begs, Ned and Alice refuse to let her stay home, even though Lila volunteers one of her many guest rooms. Lila says her father probably won't even notice, but the parentals have spoken and Jess is going to college.
Jess is allowed to throw herself a going away sleepover, and all the Unicorns show up wearing ALL BLACK. Yep, NOT A SPECK OF PURPLE, so you know this is seriously terrible! They even give Jess a sympathy card. Meanwhile, Liz and Amy are also having a sleepover. Of course, they're being super lame. They're -get this!- ROLLING UP SOCKS. Liz is also looking over the course catalog and debating whether to bring a T-shirt with the names of her 5th grade classmates on it, or a T-shirt with a yogurt company logo. I sincerely hope she isn't planning on taking fashion classes. In case you care, the yogurt tee wins because Liz wants to feel older. She also gushes about romance and how her parents met at college.
Back in UnicornLand, Jess pops a VHS into the VCR (oh, 1997!!! DVD was still an entire year away...) starring some actor named McKinley Carlson. ("that kid who got famous for screaming"...hmmm, I wonder who HE is supposed to be!) Jess doesn't know what the name of the movie is, but she knows that Steven recorded it long ago. (I will NOT make gay joke, I will NOT make gay joke...) Luckily, it isn't gay porn or anything (oops, I made a gay joke) and the entire UC gets totally absorbed by the plot, which is OBVIOUSLY ripped off from "Home Alone". Jess laughs to herself when she realizes the movie is called "Jailbreak". The UC unearths Jess's SVU info packet and they all gather round to see what kind of torture Jess is in store for.
As luck would have it, SVU sounds like the nicest college ever. Like a Harvard for rich kids, LOL! There's widescreen TVs in every room, huge beds, a game room fully stocked with SEGA machines, AND a pool. It gets better still- it's within walking distance from a MALL that has a tanning salon! Plus, there's NO curfew or homework checks. Jess is a little more excited after learning this, but she still hates the idea of having to go to classes in the summer. She decides to pick an easy course and ends up choosing ceramics. (Liz chooses Romantic poetry, or "RoPo", as I like to call it.)
Ned and Alice bring the twins to SVU the following day. Liz and Jess are anxious to sign up for their "majors" before the classes fill up, but the 'rents want to wander around campus first. They take a walk down memory lane and it takes FOREVER!!! Jess and Liz grow more and more impatient. Finally, they look up at the school's clock tower and realize that they spent way too long reliving their college years. They make a quick departure and Liz and Jess begin making the most out of college life. They're not rooming together, and we meet Liz's roomie first...
Marion Hobart: Marion is the child of two detectives, and she plans on following in their footsteps. She is also a master of disguise, and she greets Liz and Jess by mimicking them so well that they believe she is their long-lost triplet. (ANOTHER one?!? Oh hell no, call me when this ends!!! I'm warning you now, Jamie Suzanne, there better not be any twin switches in this one!!!) She's studying criminology and Liz asks her if she reads Amanda Howard mysteries. Marion calls AH "dated" (oooh, Liz is gonna kick her ass!!!) and starts telling Liz all about REAL detective work. Both Liz and Jess think she's pretty cool, but Jess thinks her roommate will be a million times more awesome so she rushes off to meet her.
Jess's roommate is named Susan Rainer, and she is GORGEOUS!!! She's from LA, and she immediately insults Jess for living in the suburbs and wearing T-shirts. In short, Susan = Megabitch!!! She tells Jess she only signed up for this stupid program because she already dated all the boys in LA, and Jess agrees that boys were they only reason she came, too. Susan laughs at her and tells her that she doesn't stand a chance with ANY boy because she is wearing a T-shirt... BITCH!!!!
All of the girls go to the snack bar, where Susan continues to be Megabitch. Liz tells Jess to focus of Susan's good qualities, but Jess can't find any. Jess is soon distracted when a cute boy joins them. His name is Mike and he has soft brown eyes. He's in the Nature Scout program and he's leaving for a canoe trip in a few days. (He gives us A LOT of info when we first meet him, I wonder if this might be important later.) Susan walks up to him and immediately steals him from Jess, so now Jess REALLY hates that bitch. She tries to confront her, and Susan just ignores her. Even I hate this bitch.
That evening, Liz goes for a walk around campus. She stops on a bridge and looks up at the clock tower. She yells out some poetry (typical) and turns around to see a sandy-haired boy standing behind her. He's also into poetry!!!! They have some lame discussion about it, and I totally tune them out because I hate poetry. Not because I'm uneducated or anything, I really did TRY to like it back in school. But it really isn't my thing. I blame Liz for ruining it with her stupid poems that I had to read in like every SVT book growing up. Liz goes back to her dorm without even getting dude's name, and Marion offers to investigate him for her. Because she's an amateur detective, you know.
The next morning, everybody goes off to their respective classes. Jess's ceramics class is full of boys, and -the best part- NO SUSAN!!!! There's even a guy who looks like BRUCE!!!! (Ooooh, can he be my partner?) Once class starts, Jess realizes that making pottery consists of more that just tossing some clay on a wheel and punching it until it looks pretty. The teacher assigns like a million projects, and Jess begins working on a clay pot. Of course, she didn't pay attention to the instructions and she ends up splattering clay all over herself. Everybody laughs at her and she hides in the back until class ends.
Liz, meanwhile, is sitting in her RoPo class. The girl next to her is a idiot. Chick starts babbling about how she LOVES "Romantic poetry", and Liz laughs at her mentally because this dumb bitch thinks RoPo = GREETING CARD POEMS!!!! Girl whips out a Hallmark card from her BF, and Liz again laughs inside her head because this girl obviously has no idea what REAL poetry is all about. The teacher walks in and -gasp- it's the boy from the bridge!!!! His name is Ethan and he's a student at SVU. He's also a Teaching Assistant and he's in charge of the summer class. Liz figures he must be like 18 years old, even though he doesn't LOOK that old. She wishes with all her heart that she could make herself not look 12... (I'm warning you now, this only gets MORE fucked up as we go along!!!!)
Classes let out for the day and Jess sneaks out after everyone leaves. She gets lost leaving the art building and ends up in SVU's art gallery. She looks around and sees an ugly old clay pot with weird lines on it. She looks closer and sees that it's the image of a face, screaming in pain. She backs up in fear and bumps into a old woman wearing a black and white dress with a black cape. The old woman tells her that the pot is a CURSE POT used for getting rid of one's enemies. Jess automatically thinks of Susan, and the old woman continues to talk. She basically gives Jess a curse pot recipe...
Step 1) Make an imperfect pot (That seems a little contrived to me!!!! Being that we ARE talking about JESS here, it just seems TOO perfect...)
Step 2) Etch in the face of the one you want to curse
Step 3) Draw evil signs in the clay while it's still wet to draw in evil spirits
Step 4) Fire the pot in the kiln and the cursed one's spirit will be trapped inside
(Quick pause as I roll up some Play-Doh and try to draw my boss's face into it...)
Jess digests all of this, still thinking about Susan. When she turns around, the woman has vanished. It's almost like she was never there. Suddenly, Jess is scared. She's alone in a creepy museum with all sorts of cursed shit, after all. She runs for an exit and ends up crashing into a guy who's wheeling a cart full of pottery. She smashes most of it and decides that, since she's had such a terrible day, she's going to run away from college.
While all of this is going on, Liz and Marion are having a hypothetical discussion about disguises. Liz wants to know how "someone" could make themselves look older. Marion suggests standing up straight, wearing heels, wearing different clothes, changing one's name, and using different expressions. Liz takes it all in, and decides to start by choosing a grown up name. She ponders this for awhile and picks a "cool, mature, and slightly romantic" name- GERALDINE!!!! Really, THAT'S her idea of a COOL name?!?! Me, I would have gone with JESSICA, or LILA, because nobody is cooler than them. No wonder Liz is the lame twin!!!! She keeps rolling with the "coolness" by deciding that "Geraldine" will use grown up expressions like "My, my!" and "Indeed!" Shoot me now, PLEASE!!!!! Liz also goes to the mall and buys herself some slutty new clothes and earrings. Plus some makeup and high heels. (Jess, having decided to run away, walks by the boutique while waiting for Lila's limo. She sees Liz all slutted up and decides to stay and see what's up with that...)
Liz immediately goes to find Ethan after she finishes shopping. She pretends to be Geraldine and introduces herself as Liz's older sister. She also makes it a point to tell him -several times- that she is 18. Ethan quickly switches the subject to Liz and talks about how much he loves her poetry. He says her poems are better than his, and I begin to wonder why HE is teaching poetry because he obviously knows NOTHING about it!!!! Liz = terrible poet, we ALL know this!!!! Even you Team Elizabeth girls HAVE to admit it from time to time!!! "Geraldine" quickly switches the subject back to her 18 year-old self. She says she too writes poetry, and she offers to show him her work. He agrees to look at it, and asks if she can bring some of Liz's work along. (His fixation with Liz is starting to disturb me, and I've known this guy for like 10 pages...) He even goes so far as to suggest that "Geraldine" bring Liz on their "date". Now that's messed up.
Liz makes an excuse because she knows producing Liz for the date will be impossible. (I HATE when people FORGET that they have identical twins...don't you? Just blackmail Jess into it...I think she still owes you from that last Super Edition!!!) Jess finds her and interrogates her about her new look, but Liz won't comment at this time.
The next day, Jess has finally had enough of Susan being a Megabitch. She goes to ceramics and makes a pot with Susan's face on it. Liz, meanwhile, sits in class and drools over Ethan's sexiness. He also stares at her, and it creeps me out!!!! She stays after class and he tells her that he met her sister. She asks which one because she has TWO. She tells him she has an identical twin, but all he wants to know is why she can't go out with him and Geraldine. He seems very disappointed, and I seem very disturbed. Dude, she's 12!!!!
Before I go insane from my rage at this guy who is obviously way too involved with this 12 year-old, we switch back to Jess in the art building. She's leaving class, thinking about how fabulous her clay pot looks. Of course, it has it's flaws, but Susan's face is surprisingly accurate. On her way out the door, she runs into the guy from the art gallery. He apologizes for yelling when she smashed the priceless pottery and introduces himself as Bernard. To make up for being such an ass, he offers to show her the large kiln where all of SVU's pottery gets baked. She goes along and tosses her curse pot inside.
Jess returns to her dorm to find no sign of Susan. All her stuff is still there, but nobody has seen her ALL day. In fact, half of the dining hall seems to be empty. Marion reminds Liz and Jess that the Nature Scouts went on their canoe trip until Friday (it's Tuesday right now). When asked where Megabitch is, Jess responds with "IDK" and "IDC", and then explains to Liz what this means. That language seems out of place in Sweet Valley, even if it IS 1997!!! That creeper Bernard joins the group and tells Jess that her pot turned out fabulous. The clay she used turned a silvery shade during firing, and the face pops right out at you. Bernard asks Jess to join him at lunch the next day and she agrees. Again, I find this disturbing!!!! Does SVU even bother to screen their faculty?!?! These scenarios where these college guys ask 12 year-olds out on dates is just WRONG!!!! Somebody call Chris Hansen from Dateline NBC, please!!!! I'll make the sweet tea myself!!!! (In case you didn't get that, I'm referring to "To Catch A Predator", best show ever!!!!)
Jess eats with Bernard the creeper and he tells her more about himself. He's working at SVU for a summer job while he takes summer program classes. He's been on campus for like 3 weeks already, and he's met lots of cool people. He particularly mentions meeting some cool dudes, and I begin to relax because Bernard is obviously one of those gay art guys. But still, how old is this dude? Don't you have to be at least 16 to work? What is he doing in a program for 12 year-olds? I just don't get it!!!! I probably never will...
Liz goes back to Ethan's class and he tells her that he's seeing Geraldine that evening. He can't take his eyes off Liz STILL, and I am about to write myself into this book so I can kick his creeper ass!!!! He pisses me off further by telling Liz that he thinks she -Liz- is more down-to-earth and that Geraldine says "My, my!" and "Indeed!" WAY too much!!!! (I hate to agree with a perve, but I have to right now. Geraldine SUCKS. Jess could have created a WAY better alter ego.) Ethan goes right back to pissing me off by asking Liz to lunch. She has to write poems for "Geraldine" to bring on the date, so she refuses. Smart girl. There should really be rules about student/teacher interactions...
Jess spends her afternoon at the pool, followed by a trip to the mall. She's enjoying life without Susan to the fullest. She even puts the curse pot in her dorm room before getting ready for dinner. She puts on her jacket and finds a piece of paper in the pocket. It's got a poem written on it and it's called "Ode to Blue-Green Eyes". It's about a girl with blue-green eyes, and it mentions meeting said girl on a bridge. (I'll give you three guesses who wrote it...ewww.) Jess is confused, but she just assumes that Bernard wrote the poem and he added the bridge to be poetic. (Which, even if Bernard DID write this, doesn't make it any less creepy to me.) As Jess is mooning over her love poem, the Resident Advisor knocks on the door. Jess asks where Megabitch Susan is, and the RA is shocked because she hasn't seen her in awhile, and Jess mentions that Susan has been gone since yesterday. The RA kind of yells at Jess for not reporting that, but Jess had assumed Susan was sleeping in someone else's room and she really didn't care that much. The RA says that Susan could be laying somewhere dying, and Jess kind of likes that mental image. The RA makes Jess report this to security, but nobody starts a search party or really takes any action. Nice, grounds for a lawsuit!!!! Alone again, Jess stares at her curse pot and wonders if she was responsible. The guilt gets to her, and she runs to find Liz.
Liz is in the cafeteria (as Geraldine) with Ethan. Jess wonders what's up with that, but she really doesn't care that much because this is about HER!!!! She runs up to Liz and Liz greets her with "Oh, hi, Elizabeth..." Liz mentally begs Jess to play along, and she does because she's a good sister. Jess tries to talk poetry, but Ethan keeps staring at her and it creeps her out. She's also confused as to why Ethan is calling Liz "Geraldine", and she figures it out much like I would:
Liz + "oodles of grown-up clothing" = Geraldine.
Liz and Ethan continue to babble about poems, and Jess jumps in, telling them about the poem she found in her jacket. Liz is too busy pretending to be Geraldine to listen, but Ethan hangs on her every word. He asks if the poem was about eyes, and I gag a little. Dude, TWELVE TWELVE TWELVE!!!! Do I have to beat it into you?!?! Liz is pissed that Jess is ruining their "date" so she drags her away to yell at her. Once alone, Jess tells Liz about the curse pot and begs her for help. Jess wants to go locate the weird lady from the gallery, but Liz would rather play dress-up and talk poetry. Jess blackmails Liz into helping, as usual.
Later that evening, Jess and Liz sneak across campus to the art gallery. Being the super detective that she is, Marion follows them and offers to help. She breaks into the gallery using a paper clip and all three girls venture inside the creepy, dark museum in a scene ripped straight from Scooby-Doo. (Liz is TOTALLY Velma, Jess is Daphne, and Marion gets to be Fred.) There's apparently NO alarms...note to self. They find they curse pot, but no creepy old lady. They hear footsteps echoing around them, so they hide until they feel it's safe to sneak back out.
The next morning, Bernard finds Jess and tells her that somebody broke into the gallery. The curse pot has been stolen!!!! Jess is genuinely creeped out, especially when she learns that the thief only stole the pot. Nothing else was disturbed. Jess quickly changes the subject and asks Bernard about the creepy old lady. He knows exactly who she's talking about, and he tells her that the lady's name is Hatta Something-or-other and she's a local artist who used to teach at SVU. In exchange for this info, Bernard asks Jess to eat with him again. She agrees, and I'm really starting to question the way that SVU runs their summer program. On one hand, we have a missing 12 year-old that NOBODY seems to be looking for. And, on the other hand, we have teachers and employees asking "students" out for meals. Remind me NEVER to enroll SarahLynn Junior in this program!!!!
Continuing with this disturbing shit, Liz is again hanging out with Ethan after class. He tells her he liked the lame poems that Geraldine showed him, and he asks if Liz liked HIS poem. She has no idea what he's talking about, but his comment about blue-green eyes sounds vaugely familiar. He ups the creeper factor by telling her that he has 3 tickets to some concert, and he wants Liz to join him and Geraldine. Liz quickly makes an excuse not to go, but Ethan tells her that, if she's not going, he and Geraldine will not be going either. Wow, that's a little extreme there, buddy!!! Liz quickly saves her own ass by agreeing to go visit Hatta with Jess if Jess agrees to play Liz for the evening.
Jess and Liz take the bus to Hatta's house. She lives like 5 miles outside of town. (In this book, SVU is actually located in Sweet Valley...I wonder what's outside of Sweet Valley? *"Pleasantville" reference* I bet it's like the end of "The Truman Show" where Jim Carey goes to leave TrumanLand and all he finds is the walls of the large dome that covers his world...) Hatta lives next to a river in a house with flowers outside. Her flowers are planted in old kitchen sinks and a toilet bowl and the twins find this odd. (Growing up, the guy across the street collected claw-foot bathtubs that he used as flowerbeds...so I'm used to this.) Hatta's house has a roof made out of multicolored tiles, and her front door is painted a luminous black. She sees her visitors arriving and invites them in for tea. (Question: Why is it that every time these girls go to investigate a suspicious person, said suspect invites them inside for tea?)
The inside of Hatta's house is full of her pottery and Hatta quickly explains that she used to be an art teacher at SVU. She even hosts weekly teas for SVU students who are interested in her work. Jess quickly discovers that Hatta has the stolen curse pot. She asks why Hatta took it and Hatta explains that she made it (ummm, duh!) and she decided she wanted it back. She felt that it was giving young people the wrong idea about art (okay, crazy lady who plants flowers in toilets). She didn't break into the gallery either, she still has a key from her teaching days. Jess tells Hatta about her own curse pot and Hatta reacts by worrying. She promises to look into ways to reverse the curse and the twins leave because they have a date with Ethan.
Once back at SVU, the twins tell Marion about their findings. She's skeptical, and she mentions that there is a possibility that Megabitch Susan was MURDERED!!! The last person to see Susan was Nature Scout Mike, so he's now Marion's number one suspect. The murder investigation is put on hold when Ethan calls and announces that he has obtained an extra concert ticket for Jessica. The twins freak out because there's no way they can pull this off. But then they remember that Marion is a disguise master and -coincidentally- she looks very similar to them anyways. She could almost be their fraternal twin, so they get her to join their confusing charade. (Just so you can keep track- Liz = Geraldine, Jess = Liz, Marion = Jess... I was SO hoping for a book free of twin switches, and now we have a TRIPLE twin switch on our hands. *SIGH*)
Everybody goes to the concert, and Marion starts off with a pretty good Jessica impression. Until Ethan asks where she goes to school and she blanks. She responds with "School is...school is school, you know how it is..." (Brilliant.) Ethan starts to say that he actually doesn't know and that there's something he hasn't told Liz or Geraldine, but the group is quickly interrupted by one of Ethan's friends. If you guessed that it's BERNARD, you were right. He immediately messes up everything by telling Ethan that Marion is so not Jessica and that Jess is the one Ethan keeps calling Elizabeth. The girls fake sick and make a quick exit, leaving Ethan and Bernard to argue about who's who in this scenario.
Back at their dorm, Jess reaches into her pocket and finds another love poem that is so obviously from Ethan. She still thinks Bernard is her mystery writer, so she shows it to Liz. Liz knows otherwise, and begins to wonder why Ethan is giving Jess poems. Marion interrupts this display of dumbness by calling Liz a "dummy" and explaining (very slowly, I'm sure) that Ethan thought Jess was Liz (umm, duh, again) and he is giving the poems to the twin he believes to be Liz. Ethan obviously likes her, and Liz is happy despite the fact that I am now screaming at this horrible development. I swear, I'm about to toss this book out the window and into the pool. This is just so wrong. Wrong. Wrong. BTW, I hate Ethan. And Bernard's pretty shady too. Can we go back to sweet Valley now?!?!
The following day (Friday), Liz goes to talk to Ethan about his little love poems. He admits that he sent them, and then tells her that things are not going to work out between him and Geraldine. Because she's TOO OLD for him. (Ummm, dude, you're not looking any better here!!!) Oh wait, there's more!!!! Ethan is only SIXTEEN years old. He's some sort of super genius like Dougie Howser and shit, that's why he's in college. (Still, him being 16 doesn't make this any less creepy. Liz is STILL 12.) He really, really likes Liz, but he's starting to realize that he is too old for her. (Ya think? You fucking creeper, just go away and scam on some chick your own age!!! Even Steven Wakefield said Janet Howell was too young for him!!!) Liz agrees that 16 is too old, but she thanks him for the poems and promises to keep them forever. (Until Mr. Wakefield reads this book and finds them and uses them as evidence when he sues the shit out of SVU for this. Oh wait, he'd actually have to give a shit about his daughters to do that...) Liz even wrote Ethan a special poem. He too promises to keep it forever. This doesn't make me feel any better about this book, however.
Jessica, meanwhile, is pursuing her own college crush. (So, is Bernard 16 too? They never tell us anything!!!) She apologizes to him for leaving the concert early and convinces him to join herself, Liz, and Ethan on a trip to Hatta's house. Somebody did some research (I forget who, does it even matter?) and discovered that Jess made her pot out of some clay that Hatta had donated to the program. You see, Hatta has her own personal clay deposit in the river near her house and she likes to donate portions of it from time to time. Anyways, the curse could possibly be broken if the pot is returned to the spot it came from, which is the river. Jess gets there, tosses the pot into the river without much ceremony, and marvels at the way the pot shattered immediately. It's lying on the rocks in millions of pieces, and Bernard remarks that it's almost like it WANTED to be destroyed. Okay then. As everybody stands there staring at the pieces, they catch sight of the Nature Scouts returning from their canoe trip. Megabitch Susan is leading the way in the canoe she's sharing with Mike. Curse broken. The End...or not...
Of course, this book has only had ONE party so we need to quick work in another one. SVU has a dance to celebrate the first week of the program ending. Apparently, SVU still doesn't give a shit about the rules because Ethan is there, dancing with Liz. Bernard is also there, dancing with Jess, but I guess their storyline isn't as important because she'll fall madly in love with someone else as soon as the next book starts... Ethan and Liz are talking about how, despite him being in love with her in a really creepy way, they can still be friends. Ethan has to disgust me one more time by saying that the age difference won't matter in the future, like when she's 16 and he's 20. (Nope, that's still ILLEGAL, you dumbasses!!!) And, until then, he'll still have a crush on her... Gag me.
****The SarahLynn Perspective****
*This is probably the most fucked up book I have ever read. Ethan should be arrested, and Liz should also get her ass kicked for being so stupid. Geraldine, really?!?!
*Correct me if I'm wrong, but NO 16 year-old boy in his right mind would turn down an 18 year-old to crush on her 12 year-old sister. Most would be like "An 18 year-old? SWEET!!!!" Just ask SVH Bruce!!!!
*I like how nobody gave a shit when Megabitch disappeared. Even if they did discover that Susan was on a nature trip, somebody could have bothered to inform Jess of this... And I'm surprised that the RA had no idea Susan went on the trip. Who runs this program anyways? I have a few issues I would like to bring to light with them.