Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Great TV Viewing (Season 1, Episode 9) "Coma"

I really, really hope that this is based on the book where Liz rides Todd's motorcycle, falls off, hits her head, and goes into a coma. The name implies that it might be. Didn't Elizabeth wake up from her coma and start acting like Jessica? Is this the one where Liz goes out with Bruce and he (allegedly, as I have no clear recollection of this incident...time will tell, I guess) tries to rape her? I think Todd even punches someone in the face while at a PARTY. Actually, I think that was spread over the course of 2 different books, but it a good story nonetheless. I remember thinking that Liz should hook up with Bruce (this was, of course, years after I realized that he was a fictional character and abandoned my crush on him)...
Either way, the show is nothing like the books, so I don't know why I even bother to guess what the episodes are about. I just really liked the motorcycle story (I reference it in my episode 1 recap, I believe) and all of the Bruce action. I want to see if he REALLY did threaten to rape Liz, because I honestly do not remember this part and everyone is so focused on it.
On a side note, my next recap will NOT be episode 10- "Uh Oh Seven". I do not like this episode whatsoever (and not just because I mis-read the title as 'Uh Oh STEVEN' and there was obviously NO STEVEN anywhere!!!!), so I will not torture myself by watching it. Unless I get really bored one day, or I do a series of posts of the Sweet Valley stuff that I hate... I'll just skip over it and we'll resume our recaps with episode 11- "Secrets".

Our story begins with Liz and Jess in the Jeep, rolling up to the Moon Beach. 1BRUCE1 makes an appearance in its usual front row parking space (the twins park next to it, and I wait patiently for them to go inside so I can see Bruce), and we hear Liz bitching that she doesn't have time for the Moon Beach because her Oracle article is due in half an hour. Jess ignores her, and says that it's imperative that she go to the MB because some guy named Dean Williams has been spotted (by Lila Fowler, so you know it's reliable info) hanging out there. Typical SVH, Jess has a new love interest less than one minute after the theme song. I guess she's over Prince Arthur. I hope this new guy is friends with Bruce. Liz reminds Jess that this Dean guy has a girlfriend, to which Jess awesomely replies, "That was before he knew I was interested..." That's my Jess, and I totally understand her logic here. I say that kind of thing ALL THE TIME. Anyways, Jess is on a mission.
Todd pulls up- ON A MOTORCYCLE!!!! And it's PURPLE!!!! But he's just borrowing it from a friend for the week. (I would NEVER trade my BMW for a stupid motorcycle, helmet hair + bugs in my face = ewwwww.) He offers Liz a ride, but she refuses despite Jess urging her to live a little. Liz scurries away, and Bruce comes out of the MB. He is looking dapper as always, sporting a striped dress shirt (it looks suspiciously like the one Prince Arthur was wearing in the last episode...) with an orange polo underneath (Kanye West style, like 8 years before Kanye!!!!), and a SVH sweater over it. He teases "Toddy" about having a new tricycle and tells Liz to call him when she's ready to "eat with the grownups" (I have no idea what he means by this, but I would like to note that I AM A GROWNUP!!!!! I try to call Bruce to tell him this, but directory assistance does not have a listing for a Henry Patman, and they've never heard of Sweet Valley, so I don't get very far.) Liz shakes her head disapprovingly and continues inside. I do not miss her.
Jess suddenly sluts up to Todd and tells him she's slightly impressed before going inside. She tells Liz that she should have gone for a ride, but Liz reminds her that her parents wouldn't approve. Then we get to see Jess's love interest...He's rocking a dress shirt with ROLLED UP SLEEVES. Ummm, no, this won't do!!!! COME BACK BRUCE!!!!! Liz bitchily comments that Dean and his GF are a cute couple, and Jess says "Yes, they were..." I love her for that. If only I could bottle this girl's self confidence and sell it to the Enids and Amys of the world- I'd be a billionaire!!! She waits until Dean's GF leaves and then swoops in for the kill. Liz tries to stop her, but Jessica is unstoppable when she's chasing a new guy. So Liz goes back to disapproving of Todd's new motorcycle, but not before we learn that Dean's dad is a mechanic. Todd promises it will be OK and nothing bad will happen, but Liz still isn't convinced. She looks for Jess so she can leave (shortest MB trip ever, nobody even got any fries!!!), but Jess and Dean have taken off in the Jeep (technicaly, it is Jessica's day to use the Jeep, so I don't care that she abandoned Liz). Liz is PISSED, because she has to turn in her article for the Oracle, and we all know that the fate of the world depends on that article getting to Mr. Collins ON TIME!!!! So Liz is left with only one choice- ride with Todd.
It's montage time again!!!! We get to see Liz and Todd riding up a windy cliff road (perhaps the exact same road where Liz killed Sam after the Jungle Prom, I like to think it is) and a song plays, telling me about how short is...I know what's coming!!!! And I'm excited!!!! (If it were Jess, I would be screaming at my computer trying to warn her, but it's Liz, so I just sit back and watch.) A blue pickup truck is driving on the road (Crunch McAllister? I believe that was the name of the guilty party in the book version...and he was DRUNK, oh the irony!!!!) out of control, and we clearly can make out that the driver is drinking. The truck hits the bike and Liz goes flying off, doing some X-Games tricks in the process (I'm not fooled, I know that's a STUNT DOUBLE/professional rider and NOT actually Liz). She falls in the roadside dirt and hits her head as she falls. I cheer, and my BF looks at me like I'm crazy (I am, crazy like Crazy Margo!!!!), but Todd's OK, so my happiness is short-lived.
Enid, Winston, Lila, and Penny are all gathered at the hospital. Enid wonders what would happen if Liz died (I bet they would just replace her with a clone and nobody would even know), and then Jess comes out and tells them Liz is in a coma. Everybody cries (except for me) and the camera switches to Liz.
Liz is in a hospital bed (Where is crazy orderly Carl?!?! Is he lurking somewhere in the background?) and she's all bandaged up. The scene skips ahead three days, and we see Jess sitting beside still-comatose Liz (I like the new Liz!!!), talking about "hunky doctors" and looking pretty. Poor Jess cries again and apologizes to Liz, blaming herself. She begs Liz to wake up, and then Todd comes in and tries to comfort her. She snaps and blames him for Liz's accident, then he flips it and blames Jess...and the drunk driver, but mostly Jess. She orders him to leave, but he refuses and suddenly Liz flatlines!!!! This is by far the most exciting episode yet!!!! We see the doctors rush in and give her emergency treatment while Jess and Todd hug and Jess cries hysterically. But they save Liz (of course they do) and she miraculously wakes up from her coma. Jess runs to her and hugs her and promises everything will be OK. (And I am secretly relieved that Liz survives, because Jess needs her to do her homework and put gas in the Jeep...Poor Jess would be lost without Liz, and I have a big sister myself so I do have lots of respect for that bond, and I'm NOT totally heartless after all!!!!)
Flash forward to a shot of SVH. It has a nice exterior, I observe. Lila and Enid are talking in the hallway (why do these two spend so much time together? I thought Lila was above that) and we learn that Liz has been out of school for three weeks (OMG, who wrote articles for the Oracle while Liz was gone? And who provided condescending shoulder-pats to Sweet Valley's minorities?) and that Enid has not seen her since she was in the hospital. Liz won't take Enid's calls (because she's a total stalker, I assume) or even see Todd, and I sense that changes are a-comin'...
Liz walks into school, dressed in an outfit that is obviously Jessica's, and everyone thinks she's Jess. I am not fooled yet again, Liz is way paler and her skin doesn't glow like Jess's does. Jess appears (wearing thigh-high stockings, just like Cher in 'Clueless'- I totally had like 20 pairs of those back in 1995) and is shocked. Liz is acting very social and outgoing- so she must be brain damaged. Jess accuses Liz of stealing her clothes, and Liz gloats about how hot she looks (even when she's pretending to be Jessica, she still has that horrible bitch-Liz demeanor). Bruce walks up (finally, I was starting to miss him!!!!) wearing a purple dress shirt and his trademark mint green sweater knotted about his shoulders. He hits on Liz and she goes for it (finally, some book/TV continuity!!!!) Dean drool, Jess hates it. Todd comes up, Liz blows him off (IGNORES HIM, you filthy-minded freak!!!!) and agrees to a date with Bruce. (I'm so jealous right now.) Todd tries to get Liz to eat lunch with him, and she tells him she wants to live life, try new things, have fun, and see other people. About. Damn. Time.
Everybody is all over Liz, and Jess and Lila are getting mad about this. Then Liz totally steals the Jeep from Jess and gets Dean to be her date for Bruce's pool party (POOL = bad news in SV, PARTY = also bad news, POOL PARTY = DEATH!!!!!) and now Jess is murderously mad at her evil twin. I do not blame her. That was a bitch move on Liz's part, and she deserves the full wrath of Jessica for it, IMO.
Jess goes to the hospital, complains about Liz, and asks the doctor to give Liz a shot to cure her. That is just TOO CUTE!!!! The doctor suggests Jess talk to Liz about her behavior, so Jess goes to confront Liz. Liz is in a towel (again, totally unnecessary and SO WRONG!!!! I'm still not over this sexualization. Nobody gets NAKED in Sweet Valley!!!!) and Jess is UPSET (she's usually the one in the towel, dammmit!!!)!!!! Jess delivers the classic line: "Ever since your accident, you've been strutting your stuff around here like you're god's gift to Sweet Valley!" (I love the writers for that line, somebody grasped the concept of irony while writing this fabulous episode!!!) and Liz accuses her of jealously. They go back and forth, and Jess is starting to hate Liz for copying her. Liz is annoyingly cocky and bitchy and I want to smack her.
Todd goes to Winston for advice, at the MB, of course. And he whines about not knowing who Liz is these days. Outside, Liz proves this by meeting Bruce (yay!!!! This is the best episode EVER!!!!) and getting into 1BRUCE1!!!!! (Screw Jessica, I wanna be Elizabeth right now!!!!) Bruce is taking her to Miller's Point, but Liz is already good to go (1BRUCE1 just has that effect on the ladies, don't hate!!!) so she starts making out with Bruce in the MB parking lot. Damn, that's a serious make out session. Lila sees this and runs to tell everybody. (I hope Todd's still there!!! But I don't want Bruce to get hurt, so I'm torn as to what I want to happen next.) Lila tells Enid (when did THEY become friends anyways?) that she saw them making out (and she uses FULL names, first and last, so there's no confusing them with anybody else...) and Todd overhears. Uh oh, his rage starts to boil over... Lila tries to save herself by saying that maybe it wasn't Liz, just a lookalike, but not Jessica... Todd is mad, so he doesn't buy it and he storms to the , threatening to kill Bruce. (Of course, I am sitting here in turmoil because I a) want to see Todd make good on his promise and b) want nothing but good things to happen to Bruce...I'm SO confused!!!!) Todd rushes up to 1BRUCE1 (no, not 1BRUCE1!!!! It is an innocent spectator, do not harm that sexy black Porsche!!!) and threatens to kill Bruce. Bruce tells him to go away (and I agree because watching Liz and Bruce is like a million times better than watching Liz and Todd make out) and Todd declines. He pulls Bruce out of the car, but Bruce is a NINJA, and he beats Todd to the punch. Bruce takes Todd's ass down!!!! (And I am beyond thrilled by this!!!) Winston tries to get in the middle, but Bruce threatens him so he steps off. Todd does get a punch in, but Jess shows up and stops the fight by yelling at Liz, telling her to look at what she's done. Liz is all like "Whatever!!!!" and she PUSHES Jessica (what a BITCH!!!! I knew I still hated her) right in front of a car. OMG, Jess almost gets hit!!!! Liz grabs her and hugs her all teary-eyed (BITCH, I repeat, YOU PUSHED HER!!!!) and starts to apologize. I tune her out because I can clearly see Bruce's license plate in the background (I cannot tell if it reads 'BRUCE' or '1BRUCE1', however), and I'm worried about Bruce being injured by that brute Todd Wilkins. Jess forgives her (of course, the episode is about to end, so we have to wrap it up quickly) and they hug. Then I get to see Bruce again. Todd chipped Bruce's bonding, and I hope Bruce calls Ned Wakefield and sues Todd;s lame ass. Liz is over apologizing to Jess, and now she's looking for Todd to apologize to him before the episode ends. Jess tells her that Todd's dead from a Bruce Beatdown (I wish...Todd's inside the MB, don't worry).
Liz tries to apologize, but Todd's mad that Bruce beat his ass, so he's a bitch about it for a couple minutes. Then Liz says she loves him and he forgives her and I still don't care. Todd jokes that one Jessica is more than enough, and I wish Bruce would come back and punch him again because that was pretty sweet. Lila and Jess come in and comment on how gross it is seeing Liz and Todd make out in the middle of the MB (I agree, so UNSANITARY for a place that serves food...), but Jess is happy to have Liz (and her clothes) back, so everything ends right there.

*This episode is my favorite (so far!!!). It had EVERYTHING- slutty outfits, BRUCE, Todd getting dumped, fights, Liz almost dying...
*Some of the dialogue in this episode is actually pretty funny, maybe because the writer totally makes fun of the Sweet Valley Syndrome several times.
*Liz was annoying, but to a lesser degree in this episode.
*Jess really loves her big sister, awwwww.
*Bruce totally kicked Todd's ass.


*NO PARTIES...In the book, they had a party to celebrate Liz's waking up.
*Again, nothing like the book. I guess alleged date rape is not appropriate for afternoon TV.
*Lila and Enid are NOT friends, so why must the writers throw them into scenes together?
*Bruce gets punched :(

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