Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Great TV Viewing (Season 1, Episode 6) "Almost Married"

I actually DO remember this episode!!!! It's a little fuzzy in my memories, but I know it involves a PARTY (thank god!!!! I was going absolutely INSANE with the current party situation in Sweet Valley.) And I believe that Todd moves in with Liz and Jess, but nobody has sex with anybody else, and they fight a lot. Hopefully Todd punches somebody due to lack of sex...
Upon further investigation, the episode shares a title with SVH #102, which I remember includes something about Bruce's dad (yay!!!) and Alice Wakefield (BOO!!!!), which led to Bruce and Liz making out (poor Bruce!!!!) and somebody possibly getting pushed into -wait for it, it's a SHOCKER!!!!- A POOL!!!! And Todd is a major D-Bag in the book, I hope he doesn't push Bruce into said pool!!!! PUSH ELIZABETH INSTEAD, TODD!!!!

*Dances to theme song* Which Daniel sister is which? I guess I could Google it, but I don't care THAT much. Jessica is hotter than Liz, and everytime I see them, I think of their scene in the Basketball Diaries and how jealous I was that one of them (again, which one?!?!) got to have SEX with Leonardo DiCaprio...hey, I was 12 at the time, it was a BIG DEAL. On a side note, my mom watched that movie with me like three years ago and, when she saw the twins, she was like "Oh my god!!! It's Jessica and Elizabeth!!!" Fast forward a few minutes to Mom staring in shock at the TV, "Jessica and Elizabeth are doing DRUGS?!?! And having SEX?!?! That would never happen in Sweet Valley..." Haha, my mom is just too precious sometimes :) But then again, she DID raise two daughters in the 1990's, so she was pushed into being a "Sweet Valley Mom" (Take that, Twilight Moms!!!! Still, it beats being pushed into a POOL, haha.).
Lucky for my poor Mom, we're still in Sweet Valley!!!! I guess the Basketball Diaries takes place later, because Liz is still with Todd, and we are subjected to the episode opening up with them making out in Todd's BMW (side note- my Mom drove that exact same car back in the day...it was pretty sweet) and Liz, predictably, puts a cockblock on Todd and says she has to go home because of curfew. (Since when do these girls have a curfew?!?! I think she's trying to ditch Todd so she can go do heroin with Leonardo DiCaprio...I totally would, except for the heroin part) Todd is MAD (uh-oh, I await an ass-kicking...). He's upset that he never has any time ALONE with Liz (so they can hold hands and reminisce about the informal bowling parties that they used to attend, or something) and he hates saying 'goodnight'...In other words, TODD NEEDS SOME BOOTY!!!! Only he isn't as direct as I am, so he pouts some more and Liz reminds him that her parents are going out of town. Todd's even more pissed when he hears this, because he's ALSO going out of town because his house is being painted. He has to stay with his cousins who like polka...(I wouldn't complain, they probably have free food and stuff.) Todd suggests that he move in with Liz for the weekend...and I imagine that this is going to go really well.
(On another side note- I moved in with my boyfriend when I was 16. It's been like 9 years, and I often wish I hadn't, so I think Liz and Todd moving in together is a TERRIBLE IDEA!!!! At that age, you have NO IDEA who you are and what you want for the rest of your life. You need time to grow up and explore the world on your own before committing so totally to one person. I want to scream "DON'T DO IT!!!!!", but that would make me a crazy 25 year old who spends my evenings screaming at fictional characters in old TV episodes that I watch on YouTube...and we wouldn't want that!!!!)
Luckily, we end that storyline for the moment. Jessica is standing by her locker and eavesdropping on Lila and some guy named Morgan (2:10 into the episode and we have a Jessica Love Interest!!!! After that last episode, I was starting to worry). Morgan is wearing a flannel vest and jeans (grunge!!!!) and desperately seeking Soundgarden (OMG, I totally remember stealing my older sister's CDs and listening to "Black Hole Sun" over and over) tickets that even LILA can't get. I find that absolutely unbelievable, damn you writers!!!! Lila can get WHATEVER she wants at ANY time, she's just awesome like that. Here comes a scheme!!!! Jessica buys Winston's SG tickets and gets Morgan to go with her, telling him that Lila got tickets- TO A BALLET!!!! Sneaky, and Classic Jessica all the way.
Sadly, we now have to watch Liz and Todd enjoying some alone time. Her parents are gone (and Steven seems to have never existed at all, but I don't mind because I get a headache when I think about him stalking Tricia Martin look-alikes and proposing to random girls) and it's MAKEOUT TIME!!!! Luckily, Jessica interrupts and asks what she should wear to the SG concert. We learn that PURPLE is Morgan's favorite color (ummm..okay, Tom McKay), so she's wearing that. Jess picks up a pair of Todd's underwear (umm, GROSS!!! I'm not touching those.) and figures out that he's moved in.
Liz follows Jess upstairs (Jess's room is cool as hell. It has purple walls!!! And rainbow-colored furnishings and art. She must have decorated it herself.) and tries to explain. Jess laughs at how virginal Liz and Todd are and blackmails Liz into letting her throw a party (YAY!!!! Finally, a party!!!! I think I'm going to need a new outfit...), or rather "a small gathering", which I TOTALLY believe will turn out absolutely fine and the Wakefield parents will never know about it...right?!?! Jess also goes a step further and gets Liz to hand over the emergency credit card so she can buy an outfit. "Having the perfect dress is always an emergency," Jessica says, and I am inclined to agree with her. Jess promises to wear her new dress once and then return it so her parents will be none the wiser, and of course Liz gives in.
Liz and Todd go grocery shopping (lucky!!! I wish I could go grocery shopping...) and Todd picks out things that I consider necessities- Fig Newtons, Pepsi, Twinkies, chops, ect. I'm jealous, but I feel better when Liz makes him put it back (if I can't have it, then you brats shouldn't get to enjoy it either!!!!!) and buys some fruit and stuff instead. (However, there's a montage where Liz and Todd run around the store like a couple of misbehaved children, and I can clearly see that Todd has put his food back into the cart at some point.) They check out, Todd gets Pringles and Cheez-Nips, and LOTS of other food that totals like $43...I'm shocked, I bought a pound of hamburger, taco-making supplies and some TP at the store yesterday and THAT cost like $50 and they obviously got way more than I did for their money. Maybe they have food stamps or an EBT card that we don't know about... Dumbass Liz only brought $30 to the store, so they have to put stuff back. Todd tries to put back the vegetables, but Liz is a bitch, and she tries to get him to put back his chips. (Fun Fact: Original Lay's are Todd's favorite) They fight, and people stare. I'm bored.
I guess they made up during the commercials, because Todd makes Liz a romantic dinner. Of carrots, peas, bread, and steaks baked in the oven...Liz thought it was chicken, but it's VEAL- with a cereal coating!!!! Gross. Liz hates it and is a real bitch. Luckily, Jess interrupts for like 2 seconds as she passes through the house. Hilarious comments are made:
Jess: Don't do anything I wouldn't do... *walks away*
Todd: *angry face* Not a chance of that!!! *pissy face, followed by angry face again*
Cut to Liz looking like she's going to throw up and SarahLynn laughs.
Liz and Todd sit down to watch TV. It's the "big game", Lakers apparently. Liz wants to turn the channel, but there's a MINUTE LEFT and the Lakers are winning. They win, Todd cheers, ignores Liz. SarahLynn laughs again because I am TOTALLY like Todd when it comes to my sports. Liz stalks off upstairs, and we can hear Todd cheering in the background. It totally sounds like he's having sex (or something), and I laugh yet again because, for once, I actually GET Todd. Liz should know to keep her mouth shut until the timeout...halftime is for talking, not the 4th quarter!!!
Todd wakes up in the middle of the night. Liz made him sleep on the couch, what a BITCH!!!! No wonder he's ignoring her. He goes to the fridge and -rudely- bounces his basketball as he walks...it's THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT dude. To make matters worse, Todd drinks straight from the carton (DISGUSTING!!!! I had a roommate who used to do that, until I left a carton of milk out all night long and replaced it in all of it's chunky sour goodness the next evening...it never happened again after that.) and Liz (in her grandmother's PJs, from the looks of it) catches him in the act and bitches him out.
We're halfway through the episode now and STILL NO PARTY!!!!! Damn you, Sweet Valley!!!! SarahLynn needs to drink some Jungle Juice and go for a ride to Miller's Point in 1BRUCE1!!!!! Get on with it...
Oh thank god, here's JESSICA again!!!! Let the party begin. Or not. She tells Lila to only invite a few friends to the party, and I totally know what's going to happen!!! Obviously, Lila invites EVERYONE (except for me, apparently) at the Moon Beach, and I spy 1BRUCE1 parked near the door, so hopefully Bruce will also attend...
Back to Todd. He still hasn't put a shirt on. He's sitting on the couch with a newspaper, reading about Elizabeth's murder trial (OK, not really, but this episode has been dull so far, and that would really improve things). He's mad (again, PUNCH SOMEBODY ANYTIME NOW...) because Liz threw his sports page in the trash (BITCH!!! I would have made her pick it out of the can, or else she can go buy me an entirely new paper) and she comes back with "You watched 57 hours of sports yesterday, what score could you have possibly missed?!?!" It's the principle of the thing, Liz. Jess makes fun of Liz and Todd yet again, and she blackmails Todd into cleaning up after himself and acting "civilized", thank god!!!! Make him put a shirt on, he has ugly nipples!!!!!
Later, Jess is showing Liz her "emergency dress" and she looks good. It's long and navy blue. Liz is wearing a green shirt and a white vest...blah, again. Liz tells Jess Todd is driving her crazy, but then Todd comes in and apologizes and they makeout while I vomit. They decide to leave Jess alone with her party (brilliant idea...) and go spend "alone time"...I would like to note that they were in fact ALONE in Liz's room, but they leave said room to be more alone, I guess.
Lila invited TONS of people and Jess is kind of upset, but Morgan likes her outfit, so it's not the end of the world. Liz comes downstairs and yells at Jess about the party. She also says that her weekend has totally sucked, and Todd gets mad (again, he fails to punch anyone) and tries to leave. Jess suggests Liz leave as well so she can enjoy herself, and Liz is about to (yay!!!), but then Winston does some stupid chair trick and falls into a bunch of people in a totally fake-looking action sequence. There's a domino effect, and Jess ends up spilling a tray of dip onto her new dress. She was supposed to return it tomorrow!!!! Oh snap. Liz blames Todd.
Todd tries to apologize, and Liz is such a bitch about it. They fight some more, and Jess comes in to yell at them. Liz bitches some more about Jess's ruined dress and everything is all fucked up!!!! Luckily, Todd has a plan!!!! He decides to live by the WWJD motto (What Would JESSICA Do!!!!) and steals Jess's SG tickets to pay for the ruined dress while Liz puts on a Grandma-looking sweater. Jess is SUPER MAD!!!!
Lila shows up with her limo and SHOCKER!!!! she bought the tickets from Liz!!!! And she's taking Morgan with her!!!! Jessica is mad, but I find it funny. She'll get over it, I'm sure. Let's just hope that Morgan isn't a date rapist. He was ugly anyways, and this ugly parallel universe version of Lila deserves him... Liz and Todd went one step further with their lame revenge scheme- Winston shows up (in his ORANGE VW Bug convertible!!!! With flowers, awww.) to take Jessica as his date. He has tickets right next to Lila and Morgan!!! Jess is PISSED!!!! She grabs one of Win's tickets and stomps up to Liz, demanding the keys to the Jeep so she can go get her man. Liz and Todd 'forgot' to put gas in it, however, so Jess is forced to chase Win down the street (in heels and a black leather miniskirt, HOTT!!!). Humiliating!!!! I would KILL Liz for that shit.
Liz and Todd are alone and things are going well. They apologize to each other and start to makeout after realizing that they're NOT ready to live together, but OH SNAP- the parentals are home!!!! We don't SEE them, but we HEAR Ned... I wonder how Liz gets out of this...


*Soundgarden!!!! I love dated pop culture references!!!!
*PARTY!!!!! FINALLY!!!!!
*Todd actually implies that he would LIKE his and Liz's relationship to progress to another level. Of course, it doesn't.
*Lila's in charge of party invites- who thought she WOULDN'T invite everybody?!?!
*Jess blackmails the hell out of Liz in this episode, yet Liz is the MOST RESPONSIBLE 16 year old EVER, so she really does nothing wrong other than having Todd spend the night (fully clothed, on the couch).
*Todd watches sports like I do. Speaking of, the "big game" is on in 10 minutes, so I better wrap this up quickly!!!!


*The BOOK had Liz and BRUCE making out, and a subplot about them thinking their parents were seeing each other, but that was NOT included. And I hate when things are named after books that bear little to no resemblance to the actual story...
*Trying to teach me a lesson- 16 years olds shouldn't get married/live together...DUH!!!! Obviously, I did NOT learn this lesson the first time around, but I was like 8 when this one aired, so forgive me!!! I hate when TV shows get all preachy- ELIZABETH, I'm looking at YOU!!!!!
*I wanted to see Liz get busted for having the party. I like to imagine that her parents grounded her for it, and for having Todd over, while Jessica never got in trouble because she was at the concert with Winston.
*NO BRUCE AT ALL!!!!! He must have had better, cooler plans the night of the party (private Soundgarden show, I imagine...) and just blown it off entirely. He was a big character in the book version though, and I liked that!!!!!
*Nobody got pushed into any pools, and I didn't even SEE any pools, but I know there was one in the book!!!!
*I'm going to have to call BS on Todd for claiming that the "big game" is on. As much as it hurts me to have to side with Liz, I know for a fact that the next episode is a Halloween episode (with LOTS of Brucey goodness!!!!), which means that this episode took place in October of 1994. Todd is watching the Lakers, who opened the 1994-1995 season in November, so it's clearly a preseason game. Nobody in their right mind would refer to a preseason game as a "big game"... But I will still award Todd points for this because that season's Laker team included a man by the name of Kurt Rambis. (Hey, I know that guy!!!!) Kurt is now the head coach of my local NBA team, and last night he benched my favorite player for much of the second half (DICK!!!!). I hope the Lakers lost the "big game"!!!! (And you just know I had to include a little sports lesson YET again...)

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