Intro:
Summer has finally arrived at last. Well, for me at least. And, being that basketball season is winding down until fall, there is only ONE redeeming thing about this season...THE NATHAN'S 4TH OF JULY HOT DOG EATING CONTEST!!!! Yes, friends, I must now admit my love of competitive eating. (Not participating, of course, just watching freakishly skinny men stuff their faces with HDs in order to win the coveted Mustard Belt!!!!) Hot dogs (or HDs, as I like to call them) are best served grilled, so I wonder what all this water nonsense is all about...
That really has nothing to do with the episode, I just needed an intro because this episode is quite dull, I am warning you now. We're currently about halfway through season 2, and so far I am not amused. No wonder this show only lasted like 4 seasons!!!! The episodes are SO predictable (Jess falls in love, Enid annoys the hell out of me, Liz misses Todd, subplot, MONTAGE!, revenge scenario...Sorry if that spoiled it for anyone!!!) and it lacks the sass of season 1. At least season 1 had LOTS of shots of Jess in various bikinis, and tons of closeups!!! Plus, that Bruce was WAY sexier, and Enid got much less screen time. Although there IS something to be said about this new badass Todd!!!!
A-Plot Recap:
Surprise, surprise, today's episode begins at the Moon Beach. Winston is serving hot dogs, and Enid randomly spazzes out on him when he serves her food. (Stupidly, of course.) Girl's got some rage!!! Jess and Li are impressed by how bitchy (I mean- assertive) Enid is being, and Enid tells them that it's all because she's using some new cassette tape program. (Cassette? Get an iPod, dumbass!!!!) It's one of those ones that use subliminal messages and hidden tracks to implant ideas in your brain. In this case, Enid is learning to be more assertive. Liz praises Enid for doing this, and she suggests that Jess should use the tape program as part of her B-Plot... Really, that opening just established the entire B-Plot, so now we get back to business...
Liz and Todd (having reconnected in the last episode to some degree) are both still moping about their failed relationship. You see, the HDs Win is cooking up remind tyhem of their first date. For plot purposes, their first date was at some place called BUN DOGGIES. (I guess "Informal Bowling Parties" was more suited to the previous episode...) Liz and Todd's anniversary is coming up (which I find bizarre because, in season 1, their anniversary falls before Halloween and it is now sometime after CHRISTMAS...) and they still haven't gotten back together, much to Liz's unhappiness. Enid doesn't help matters by asking all about Bun Doggies, and by wondering out loud if Todd will ask Liz out for their anniversary. Enid, go away!!! You = NOT helping.
Todd retreats to his usual hideout- the MB billiards room. He plays a solo game (LOL), and whines to Winston about how much he wants Liz back. (Welcome back, Todd, I didn't miss you!!!!) Win suggests that Todd recreate their first date. For some odd reason that I will not speculate on, Win has the shirt that Todd wore on said date. Okay then. Lila interrupts by laughing at Win's stupidity. She suggests a romantic evening with a limo and a nice dining experience (ie. no HDs!!!! NOOOOO!!!!). Win and Lila go back and forth about the idea, and then they decide to give Todd a makeover so he can win Liz back. (Insert required MONTAGE! here.) Lila and Win continue to butt heads over Todd's love life, so he ditches them both and goes to sulk some more.
Todd decides not to abandon his mission, so he goes to the mall to get a gift for Liz. Since it's a proven fact that Todd has never been able to shop solo (random- is it weird that, since SVC, every time I think of Todd, I think of him watching porn? This disturbs me to no end!!!!), Lila decides to help him. Because nobody can shop like LILA. He agrees to let her take full control of the shopping. Some things NEVER change.
Conveniently, Liz and Enid are also at the mall. Liz is STILL whining about Todd's failure to ask her out, and I could care less. Seriously, get over yourself!!!! Ask him, stupid!!!! Of course, Liz sees Lila and Todd together. She automatically assumes the worst. She eavesdrops on their convo (Lila has given Todd some dialogue to practice so he can impress Liz) and continues to make her stupid assumptions. Somebody should have told her not to assume so much... Liz goes home, dejected and crying.
At school the following day, Todd brings flowers for Liz and tries to put his plan into action. Liz rejects him and accuses him of trying to scam on her with the same pickup lines he was using on Lila at the mall. She basically tells him to fuck off, and I start to wonder what this has to do with hot dogs and their water. *Thinking it out* Hot dogs BOIL in water...something's boiling? I still don't get it. All this thinking is making me hungry for a hot dog, however...
Todd runs to the Moon Beach to escape his sorrows, and Lila and Winston show up to console him. Of course, Li and Win begin to argue about who's at fault as soon as Todd slinks away, possibly to cry. They eventually agree that they were both wrong, and they decide to compromise...
Winston goes to the Wakefield's house and drags Liz out under false pretenses. Lila also lures Todd out and drops him off at Bun Doggies. Yep, Liz and Todd are being set up. Awwwww, that's kinda sweet. Lila has even set up a romantic dinner (of hot dogs!!!!!) for the young lovers. Liz and Todd both apologize for being so stupid, and they end up making up. And making out...much to my disgust. (And, WOW, people in the '90's wore WAY too much plaid!!!! I think I actually had the same shirt that Todd is wearing right here...)
B-Plot Recap
As I mentioned earlier, Enid is using an audio cassette program to make herself more assertive. She is also working at a new job- THE LIBRARY!!!! (That's where she got the assertiveness tapes from, actually.) Jess, meanwhile, is auditioning for SVH's production of The Wizard of Oz. Liz suggests that Jess use the tapes to learn her Dorothy lines.
You see, Jess knows NOTHING about the Wizard. She gets characters wrong, and she basically sucks at acting in this episode. She agrees to try the tapes and goes to visit Enid at the library to get them. Everybody is SHOCKED to see Jess at the library, and people even offer to give her directions because she is obviously lost. Stupid Enid is labeling the tapes when Jess comes in and, in typical Eeny fashion, Enid fucks up and labels the wrong tapes for Jess. The dumb bitch gave Jess some Rosetta Stone, and now Jess is learning Spanish instead of her lines!!!!
On the day of the audition, Jess puts on her sexiest Dorothy ensemble and gets up on stage to recite her lines. Predictably, she delivers them in SPANISH, and makes a total ass out of herself. Everybody laughs at her, and Jess vows to kill Enid!!!! SWEET!!!! (Sidebar: Remember how much Todd loved threatening to kill people last season? I find it odd that the new badass Todd never uttered a single death threat...)
Enid avoids Jess for as long as she can, but Jess still manages to force Enid to wash the Jeep as payback. Me, I probably would have taken Option A...
****The SarahLynn Summary****
*Never let your friends get involved in your love life, EVER!!!!!
*And can I PLEASE punch Enid just once? Just one little time?!?!
Next Time on SVH TV:
12 season 2 episodes remain... SAM WOODRUFF!!!! Jess + Bruce = ???, plus some TIME TRAVEL!!!!!
***One More Thing***
I was out running my usual Friday errands today and I stopped by the used bookstore in search of some poolside reading for my 3 day weekend (haha)!!!! I purchased ELEVEN Sweet Valley books, but I'm not going to tell you what they are just yet. Expect at least one recap this weekend!!!
Showing posts with label Great TV Viewing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Great TV Viewing. Show all posts
Friday, June 3, 2011
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
SVH TV (Season 2, Episode 9) - "Blunder Alley"
Intro:
I hope everybody enjoyed Chapter One of Freshman Year!!! I have more typed up and ready to go, but my time is limited tonight due to Game One of the NBA Finals, watching a Twins game, AND a friend of mine being on America's Got Talent, so I'm just going to do a quick TV recap...
Today's episode is called "Blunder Alley", and that title totally reminds me of this show I used to watch on TV as a kid. I think the show was called "Thunder Alley", but that's close enough. Haley Joel Osment (from the 6th Sense, duh) was on that show, if I recall correctly. I really doubt that has anything to do with this SVH episode, but it makes a good random trivia question, and -admit it- you just learned something new!!! You can thank me later.
Recap:
Today's story begins at the Moon Beach (yay, Moon Beach!!!!). As you will remember, the scary new Bruce's daddy has recently purchased the MB so Bruce can get some work experience...or something. It appears Brucey has bought one of those fortune telling machines that has the creepy puppet lady inside. Those things freak me out SO bad!!!! And they remind me of the Riddler in Batman Forever...SCARY STUFF!!!!
In typical Sweet Valley fashion, everybody acts like this is the greatest thing ever!!!! Everybody flocks to the machine and starts pumping money into it in exchange for their paper fortunes. Damn, these kids REALLY need to get out more. Jess and Lila agree with me, of course, and they laugh at how stupid everybody else is. Winston pays for his fortune and gets a blank paper, but we already knew that was coming!!! Enid (ugh) also gets a fortune- she will soon get many gifts. Her stupid ass is all excited because her aunt is coming (LOL @ my notes, "Aunt coming- Flo or Rose?" Sorry for that, I can be immature sometimes!!!!) and said aunt always brings lots of gifts for her favorite niece. Blah, I'm going to go bash my head against the wall for awhile, call me when she's gone!!!!
Bruce (if you could even call him that...I really would have felt better had they just 86'ed Bruce's character and went with a new character instead of a replacement...Oh, Brock Burnett, how you have failed me!!!!) overhears Li and Jess's convo, and he gives them a free fortune, just for fun. Li's fortune warns of her impending doom, and Jess's says everything she loves will be destroyed. (Wait, Jess loves Liz, right?!?! This could be good!!!!) Jess and Li laugh off their predictions and go on about their day like any normal person would.
Meanwhile, guess who's back to his brooding in the billiards room?! No, not Mr. Body from 'CLUE'....TODD WILKINS!!!! Todd is currently hating on some new guy who's dating Liz, I guess. His name is Zack and he's wearing a t-shirt that he got on a trip to Kenya. Bruce strikes up a conversation with this dude because he's apparently also been to Kenya (yet another reason why I detest this new Bruce, he's just too...worldly for me!!!!). Bruce and Zack hit it off in a totally non-gay, Bromantic-type of way, and Todd sulks about it. Zack reveals that he is actually the subject of one of Liz's articles for the Oracle, but Todd still assumes the worst. Liz interviews Zack, and Todd's suspicions are confirmed when the interview concludes with Zack asking Liz out on a date.
Meanwhile, Jess and Lila seems to be having some very bad luck. On the way to the Moon Beach (wait, didn't they just leave the MB? Why are they going back?) they get splashed by a passing semi. (Being splashed is still better than being SQUASHED, you whiny little brats!!!!!) I guess that ties in with the fortunes they got earlier. (Jess loves her clothes, and they were destroyed by the splash, and being out in public looking dirty is probably Li's idea of social doom-ination!!!!) Jess and Li decide that, in order to reverse this sudden onset of bad luck, they need to get new, better fortunes. They feed the scary machine some $$$, and it spits out a couple fortunes. Li's says she will be burned, and Jess's says she will be spurned by a man with a red horse. Uh oh... Sure enough, Jess's date for the evening cancels (he drives a red Mustang, coincidentally!!!!) and Lila's hair gets fried in a freak styling accident (OMG, that's my worst fear, really!!!!). Jess and Li, being the super geniuses that they are, keep buying fortunes, hoping for a positive one. They also stock up on a bunch of lucky charms (rabbit feet and such, not the cereal) to ward off the bad luck. (Editorial comment: Ha, these two have NO IDEA what bad luck really is!!!!! Seriously!!!!) They return to the MB yet again, only to discover that bruce is cashing in and making hella bank off of their fortune teller addiction. Fortunes now cost FIVE dollars, and everybody is STILL buying them!!!! Except for my girl Cheryl, she's smart and knows it's all BS!!!!
Back to LameLand, Liz goes on her date with Zack. He's some sort of rainforest freak and he keeps babbling about conservation and nearly boring me to death. They end up at a bowling alley (ahhhh, that explains the title of the episode...I wonder what this "blunder" is going to be...) and -conveniently- Todd shows up with a date!!!! This new girl is a total Liz clone, and I am currently praying very hard that this girl is MARGO in a surprise cameo, that would be quite the blunder!!!! Sadly, they don't tell us her name (so I am going to go ahead and assume that this is Margo!!!!), and Liz is pissed that Todd showed up with this ho. She accuses him of trying to wreck her date with Zack, and this leads to an impromptu bowling showdown/MONTAGE! Liz and Todd both try to sabotage each other, and I wish they would both just get over themselves already. Dude, you're going to marry Jess, so just end this bullshit right now and spare me some misery!!!! (SPARE me, get it?!? Bowling.)
Luckily, I am spared (for the moment) as we travel back to the Moon Beach. People are still going all crazy over the $5 fortunes. It seems that everybody (with a few exceptions) is getting very good fortunes that immediately come true. Winston's are still blank, of course. Jess comes in on crutches because she tripped on a HORSESHOE during the commercial break. Oh, the irony!!! (Ooops, I did it again, "IRON"-y, horseshoe...) Lila gets so pissed off about all of this bad luck that she actually STRANGLES Enid (yes!!!! Love love LOVE Lila!!!!) for her good fortune. And my notes say "Manny=Puppy" for some reason...maybe because he follows Eeny around like one, or perhaps he recently acquired one as a pet? I may never know...or care, for that matter!!! Bruce makes fun of Jess and Li's craziness, and this leads us to...THE OBLIGATORY REVENGE SCENARIO FOR THIS EPISODE!!!! Jess begins to formulate a plan, which will be revealed to us at a later time...
Back at the bowling alley, Liz and Todd's tensions are boiling over. They fight some more, and then realize that their dates have left. TOGETHER!!!! Ha, way to go, Zack!!!! No wonder we will never see Zack again, going off alone with someone who is most likely MARGO!!!!! Either way, this leads Liz and Todd to realize how stupid they are being. Todd accidentally admits that he is still in love with Liz and they start to reminisce about their relationship. I think they're going to get back together pretty soon. Damn, I like Bad Todd!!!! (RIP, T-Wilk!!!!)
Of course, we still have to wrap up the other plot (A-Plot? B-Plot? I have no idea which is which, hence the combined-plot, switch back-and-forth recap) so we again travel to the Moon Beach. It's closed for the evening, but that will not stop Jess and Li from getting their revenge (on what/who? Bruce, for laughing at them? Or the fortune teller, for giving them sucky fortunes?). Jess still has a copy of the MB keys from that episode where she worked with Bruce, so they easily sneak inside and attack the fortune machine. Well, "attack" is too strong a word (I just want it to be more interesting, dammit!!!), they merely open it up and put fortunes that they made inside it.
The following day, people again flock to the fortune teller. Jess and Li's fortunes are actually coupons for free food at the MB!!!! (Oh, so they were getting revenge on Bruce for taking everybody's money! IDK anymore...and I don't think I care either.) The police bust in and demand to see a permit for the machine (?). Of course, Bruce didn't get one, and he complains to the police about someone putting the coupons in the fortune teller. The cops basically laugh at him and demand that he honor all of the coupons. Lila, sneaky as she is, donated a cappuccino machine to the precinct in order to set all of this up. Bruce knows what's up, but Jess and Lila deny all involvement (note to self: Moon Beach does not have security cameras at night?). Bruce shrugs it off and brings out his newest gimmick- fortune cookies!!!! Ummm, okay.
****The SarahLynn Summary****
*Who writes this crap?!?! A fucking FORTUNE TELLING MACHINE...for reals?!?! Last time I checked, high school kids liked to break into those things and steal the moneys... Only in Sweet Valley, I guess.
Next Time on SVH TV:
"Like Water For Hot Dogs"
SVH puts on a play, Liz and Todd eat some HDs, and SarahLynn makes numerous references to Joey Chestnut and Takeru Kobayashi. (Don't judge me, I just REALLY like the IFOCE!!!!)
I hope everybody enjoyed Chapter One of Freshman Year!!! I have more typed up and ready to go, but my time is limited tonight due to Game One of the NBA Finals, watching a Twins game, AND a friend of mine being on America's Got Talent, so I'm just going to do a quick TV recap...
Today's episode is called "Blunder Alley", and that title totally reminds me of this show I used to watch on TV as a kid. I think the show was called "Thunder Alley", but that's close enough. Haley Joel Osment (from the 6th Sense, duh) was on that show, if I recall correctly. I really doubt that has anything to do with this SVH episode, but it makes a good random trivia question, and -admit it- you just learned something new!!! You can thank me later.
Recap:
Today's story begins at the Moon Beach (yay, Moon Beach!!!!). As you will remember, the scary new Bruce's daddy has recently purchased the MB so Bruce can get some work experience...or something. It appears Brucey has bought one of those fortune telling machines that has the creepy puppet lady inside. Those things freak me out SO bad!!!! And they remind me of the Riddler in Batman Forever...SCARY STUFF!!!!
In typical Sweet Valley fashion, everybody acts like this is the greatest thing ever!!!! Everybody flocks to the machine and starts pumping money into it in exchange for their paper fortunes. Damn, these kids REALLY need to get out more. Jess and Lila agree with me, of course, and they laugh at how stupid everybody else is. Winston pays for his fortune and gets a blank paper, but we already knew that was coming!!! Enid (ugh) also gets a fortune- she will soon get many gifts. Her stupid ass is all excited because her aunt is coming (LOL @ my notes, "Aunt coming- Flo or Rose?" Sorry for that, I can be immature sometimes!!!!) and said aunt always brings lots of gifts for her favorite niece. Blah, I'm going to go bash my head against the wall for awhile, call me when she's gone!!!!
Bruce (if you could even call him that...I really would have felt better had they just 86'ed Bruce's character and went with a new character instead of a replacement...Oh, Brock Burnett, how you have failed me!!!!) overhears Li and Jess's convo, and he gives them a free fortune, just for fun. Li's fortune warns of her impending doom, and Jess's says everything she loves will be destroyed. (Wait, Jess loves Liz, right?!?! This could be good!!!!) Jess and Li laugh off their predictions and go on about their day like any normal person would.
Meanwhile, guess who's back to his brooding in the billiards room?! No, not Mr. Body from 'CLUE'....TODD WILKINS!!!! Todd is currently hating on some new guy who's dating Liz, I guess. His name is Zack and he's wearing a t-shirt that he got on a trip to Kenya. Bruce strikes up a conversation with this dude because he's apparently also been to Kenya (yet another reason why I detest this new Bruce, he's just too...worldly for me!!!!). Bruce and Zack hit it off in a totally non-gay, Bromantic-type of way, and Todd sulks about it. Zack reveals that he is actually the subject of one of Liz's articles for the Oracle, but Todd still assumes the worst. Liz interviews Zack, and Todd's suspicions are confirmed when the interview concludes with Zack asking Liz out on a date.
Meanwhile, Jess and Lila seems to be having some very bad luck. On the way to the Moon Beach (wait, didn't they just leave the MB? Why are they going back?) they get splashed by a passing semi. (Being splashed is still better than being SQUASHED, you whiny little brats!!!!!) I guess that ties in with the fortunes they got earlier. (Jess loves her clothes, and they were destroyed by the splash, and being out in public looking dirty is probably Li's idea of social doom-ination!!!!) Jess and Li decide that, in order to reverse this sudden onset of bad luck, they need to get new, better fortunes. They feed the scary machine some $$$, and it spits out a couple fortunes. Li's says she will be burned, and Jess's says she will be spurned by a man with a red horse. Uh oh... Sure enough, Jess's date for the evening cancels (he drives a red Mustang, coincidentally!!!!) and Lila's hair gets fried in a freak styling accident (OMG, that's my worst fear, really!!!!). Jess and Li, being the super geniuses that they are, keep buying fortunes, hoping for a positive one. They also stock up on a bunch of lucky charms (rabbit feet and such, not the cereal) to ward off the bad luck. (Editorial comment: Ha, these two have NO IDEA what bad luck really is!!!!! Seriously!!!!) They return to the MB yet again, only to discover that bruce is cashing in and making hella bank off of their fortune teller addiction. Fortunes now cost FIVE dollars, and everybody is STILL buying them!!!! Except for my girl Cheryl, she's smart and knows it's all BS!!!!
Back to LameLand, Liz goes on her date with Zack. He's some sort of rainforest freak and he keeps babbling about conservation and nearly boring me to death. They end up at a bowling alley (ahhhh, that explains the title of the episode...I wonder what this "blunder" is going to be...) and -conveniently- Todd shows up with a date!!!! This new girl is a total Liz clone, and I am currently praying very hard that this girl is MARGO in a surprise cameo, that would be quite the blunder!!!! Sadly, they don't tell us her name (so I am going to go ahead and assume that this is Margo!!!!), and Liz is pissed that Todd showed up with this ho. She accuses him of trying to wreck her date with Zack, and this leads to an impromptu bowling showdown/MONTAGE! Liz and Todd both try to sabotage each other, and I wish they would both just get over themselves already. Dude, you're going to marry Jess, so just end this bullshit right now and spare me some misery!!!! (SPARE me, get it?!? Bowling.)
Luckily, I am spared (for the moment) as we travel back to the Moon Beach. People are still going all crazy over the $5 fortunes. It seems that everybody (with a few exceptions) is getting very good fortunes that immediately come true. Winston's are still blank, of course. Jess comes in on crutches because she tripped on a HORSESHOE during the commercial break. Oh, the irony!!! (Ooops, I did it again, "IRON"-y, horseshoe...) Lila gets so pissed off about all of this bad luck that she actually STRANGLES Enid (yes!!!! Love love LOVE Lila!!!!) for her good fortune. And my notes say "Manny=Puppy" for some reason...maybe because he follows Eeny around like one, or perhaps he recently acquired one as a pet? I may never know...or care, for that matter!!! Bruce makes fun of Jess and Li's craziness, and this leads us to...THE OBLIGATORY REVENGE SCENARIO FOR THIS EPISODE!!!! Jess begins to formulate a plan, which will be revealed to us at a later time...
Back at the bowling alley, Liz and Todd's tensions are boiling over. They fight some more, and then realize that their dates have left. TOGETHER!!!! Ha, way to go, Zack!!!! No wonder we will never see Zack again, going off alone with someone who is most likely MARGO!!!!! Either way, this leads Liz and Todd to realize how stupid they are being. Todd accidentally admits that he is still in love with Liz and they start to reminisce about their relationship. I think they're going to get back together pretty soon. Damn, I like Bad Todd!!!! (RIP, T-Wilk!!!!)
Of course, we still have to wrap up the other plot (A-Plot? B-Plot? I have no idea which is which, hence the combined-plot, switch back-and-forth recap) so we again travel to the Moon Beach. It's closed for the evening, but that will not stop Jess and Li from getting their revenge (on what/who? Bruce, for laughing at them? Or the fortune teller, for giving them sucky fortunes?). Jess still has a copy of the MB keys from that episode where she worked with Bruce, so they easily sneak inside and attack the fortune machine. Well, "attack" is too strong a word (I just want it to be more interesting, dammit!!!), they merely open it up and put fortunes that they made inside it.
The following day, people again flock to the fortune teller. Jess and Li's fortunes are actually coupons for free food at the MB!!!! (Oh, so they were getting revenge on Bruce for taking everybody's money! IDK anymore...and I don't think I care either.) The police bust in and demand to see a permit for the machine (?). Of course, Bruce didn't get one, and he complains to the police about someone putting the coupons in the fortune teller. The cops basically laugh at him and demand that he honor all of the coupons. Lila, sneaky as she is, donated a cappuccino machine to the precinct in order to set all of this up. Bruce knows what's up, but Jess and Lila deny all involvement (note to self: Moon Beach does not have security cameras at night?). Bruce shrugs it off and brings out his newest gimmick- fortune cookies!!!! Ummm, okay.
****The SarahLynn Summary****
*Who writes this crap?!?! A fucking FORTUNE TELLING MACHINE...for reals?!?! Last time I checked, high school kids liked to break into those things and steal the moneys... Only in Sweet Valley, I guess.
Next Time on SVH TV:
"Like Water For Hot Dogs"
SVH puts on a play, Liz and Todd eat some HDs, and SarahLynn makes numerous references to Joey Chestnut and Takeru Kobayashi. (Don't judge me, I just REALLY like the IFOCE!!!!)
Saturday, May 28, 2011
SVH TV (Season 2, Episode 8) - "It's My Party and I'll Ditch It If I Want To"
Intro:
Happy Memorial Day weekend everybody!!! Sadly, this is one of the busiest retail weekends of the year, so I am being forced to spend much of it at work. Have fun for me, please!!! In honor of the parties I'm missing, I feel that today's recap is appropriate. It's time for the Wakefield's annual slumber party!!!
Recap:
Like I said before, it's slumber party time!!!! Yay!!!! Liz is already hard at work planning the festivities...so far, all she has planned is a rousing game of Truth or Dare. Since this is Sweet Valley, you just know that's going to be super-lame regardless. Jess agrees with me that Liz is a sucky party planner, so she takes over as the "idea person" and basically makes Liz and Enid (oh, she's coming?!? Now I don't feel bad that those bitches forgot to invite me...) do all of the manual labor. Jess's main task is making sure that the party is perfectly set-up so that the football team can raid it. Sadly, they have to decline her offer because they have a road game...so Winston and Manny decide to seize the opportunity. They assemble a team of dorky nerds and devise a strategy. (Of course, it's super-nerdy lame and it's basically just them running into the house and assaulting the girls with water balloons.)
At school, Lila complains about how immature a sleepover is (hey now, I had a sleepover last week, Lila, and that attitude is exactly why I did not invite YOU!!!!) and Jess basically agrees, but it's a TRADITION (that I do not recall them ever having before or after this episode). Cheryl is super excited about the idea, and that's enough to make Lila change her mind. I guess she's still trying to gain Cheryl's friendship? The ugly new Bruce saunters up and asks Jess out on a date. (Yay!!!) The only problem- he wants her to be his dinner date (along with his cousin and said cousin's friends from Harvard!!!) the same night as the slumber party!!! Jess doesn't want to admit her lameness to Bruce, so she tries to lie and say she has cooler plans. Enid spoils this by running up and gushing about a box of -wait for it- DRESS UP CLOTHES that she's bringing to the party!!! Yes, DRESS UP!!!! (I will now admit that I STILL have my Barbie collection, but I gave up dress up when I was about 12... Despite my reading never really progressing beyond these SV books, I think Enid is just too over-the-top!!!!) Bruce is as unimpressed as I am, and I think Jess wants to slap Enid for being so stupid.
After school, Liz goes to the Moon Beach and bitches about how Jess is so not helping. Jess is sick of Liz acting like a slumber party Nazi, so she finally cracks and tells Liz that the party is a stupid, childish idea. Liz tells her to get over herself and grow up. (Wait, whose BFF is running around with the box of dress up clothes, Elizabeth?!?!) With Jess out of the picture, Liz and Enid go back to planning the lamest party ever. In addition to the classic Truth or Dare, Liz and Enid decide on charades, scary movies, a pillow fight (sweet!!!), roasting marshmallows, and board games!!!! (Hmmm...dinner with sexy rich Bruce vs. CandyLand with lame stupid whiny Eeny Rollins...I pick BRUCE!!!!!)
The night of the party arrives and Jess gets all sexied up in her little black dress. Liz is super sad that Jess is bailing on them, but she doesn't let that spoil her fun. MONTAGE! The nerds begin their plan of attack and the sleepover friends play a crazy game of Twister. Lila and Cheryl put foil all over Enid's head (I think she's getting highlights, but that is SO not the way to do them!!!! I went to cosmetology school, so this makes me shudder) and the nerds continue to fail with their raid. The girls play some charades and Enid is an absolute idiot. She keeps yelling out random, annoying shit and I begin to wonder why she doesn't go to a "special" school... This is super boring!!!! I wonder what Jess is doing...
Jess, meanwhile, is out with Bruce and his Harvard friends. Bruce's friends are all super smart, and they make fun of Jess for being...well, for being JESS, I guess. The worst part is that none of them can drink with their meal because Jess is under 21 and doesn't have a fake ID. Maybe they should have gone to Kelly's Roadhouse... Jess tries hard to fit in, but she just ends up making herself look stupid. Bruce doesn't help matters by announcing that Jess bailed on a slumber party to go to dinner. Kind of a dick move there, you damn Bruce impostor!!!! Everybody laughs at Jess and she wants to disappear.
Back in LameLand, the nerds continue to suck at raiding the party. They set off a smoke bomb, but it fails. Inside, their schemes go unnoticed and all the girls settle down to play some Truth or Dare. It's lame, just like I said, but Liz DOES admit that she would choose Mr. Collins if she had to be stranded on a deserted island with a teacher. (Seriously... 1) Ewww, and 2) Could they be any more unoriginal?!?!) Lila spices it up by asking Enid (of all people) how far she went with some guy... (Obviously, Li is referring to SEX!!!!) Enid is an idiot, so she responds with "To the mall..." Dumbass, but it's likely true!!!! Outside, Winston has become desperate to get inside the house. He raises a ladder and tries to enter through a second floor window, but the ladder falls and Win is forced to grab onto the balcony (????When did they build that????) and climb up. He tries to open the door, but it's locked from the inside and now Win is stuck!!!! Downstairs, nobody hears him screaming for help. Lila is bitching about how lame this is (and I am beginning to agree with her...I went to cooler parties in like 6th grade!!!!) and Cheryl is sick of it (because, you know, she never got to be a teenager what with all the modeling and traveling) so she dares Lila to run down the street to the mailbox- wearing only a towel!!!! Li is up for the challenge!!!!
Back to the cool kids, Bruce is also getting bored by his stuffy, boring Harvard friends. He whispers to Jess that he would like to leave and she readily agrees. They go back to Jess's and arrive right as the nerds are rushing in the front door to raid. Lila runs in as well and heads right upstairs. She sees Win on the balcony (in war paint for the raid) and screams in horror because he looks like a creeper. Somebody has taken Enid's Barry Manilow (who?) CDs... But nobody cares because Jess is raving about how fun and sophisticated her evening was. Bruce promptly busts her out, saying that he knows she had a terrible time. Jess is forced to admit the truth and apologize to Liz. Everybody starts dancing after that, and Enid and Manny dance together...
****The SarahLynn Summary****
*I thought MY weekends were boring!!!! Thank god I didn't grow up in Sweet Valley!!!!
*And Enid is totally that girl at the sleepover that falls asleep like 3 hours before everybody else and ends up with her bra frozen, or her hand in warm water, or the shaving cream/feather trick...
Next Time on SVH TV:
Bruce buys a fortune teller, Jess and Lila learn about Karma, and Todd is back to being an ass!!!! The best part- almost everything happens at the Moon Beach!!!!!
Happy Memorial Day weekend everybody!!! Sadly, this is one of the busiest retail weekends of the year, so I am being forced to spend much of it at work. Have fun for me, please!!! In honor of the parties I'm missing, I feel that today's recap is appropriate. It's time for the Wakefield's annual slumber party!!!
Recap:
Like I said before, it's slumber party time!!!! Yay!!!! Liz is already hard at work planning the festivities...so far, all she has planned is a rousing game of Truth or Dare. Since this is Sweet Valley, you just know that's going to be super-lame regardless. Jess agrees with me that Liz is a sucky party planner, so she takes over as the "idea person" and basically makes Liz and Enid (oh, she's coming?!? Now I don't feel bad that those bitches forgot to invite me...) do all of the manual labor. Jess's main task is making sure that the party is perfectly set-up so that the football team can raid it. Sadly, they have to decline her offer because they have a road game...so Winston and Manny decide to seize the opportunity. They assemble a team of dorky nerds and devise a strategy. (Of course, it's super-nerdy lame and it's basically just them running into the house and assaulting the girls with water balloons.)
At school, Lila complains about how immature a sleepover is (hey now, I had a sleepover last week, Lila, and that attitude is exactly why I did not invite YOU!!!!) and Jess basically agrees, but it's a TRADITION (that I do not recall them ever having before or after this episode). Cheryl is super excited about the idea, and that's enough to make Lila change her mind. I guess she's still trying to gain Cheryl's friendship? The ugly new Bruce saunters up and asks Jess out on a date. (Yay!!!) The only problem- he wants her to be his dinner date (along with his cousin and said cousin's friends from Harvard!!!) the same night as the slumber party!!! Jess doesn't want to admit her lameness to Bruce, so she tries to lie and say she has cooler plans. Enid spoils this by running up and gushing about a box of -wait for it- DRESS UP CLOTHES that she's bringing to the party!!! Yes, DRESS UP!!!! (I will now admit that I STILL have my Barbie collection, but I gave up dress up when I was about 12... Despite my reading never really progressing beyond these SV books, I think Enid is just too over-the-top!!!!) Bruce is as unimpressed as I am, and I think Jess wants to slap Enid for being so stupid.
After school, Liz goes to the Moon Beach and bitches about how Jess is so not helping. Jess is sick of Liz acting like a slumber party Nazi, so she finally cracks and tells Liz that the party is a stupid, childish idea. Liz tells her to get over herself and grow up. (Wait, whose BFF is running around with the box of dress up clothes, Elizabeth?!?!) With Jess out of the picture, Liz and Enid go back to planning the lamest party ever. In addition to the classic Truth or Dare, Liz and Enid decide on charades, scary movies, a pillow fight (sweet!!!), roasting marshmallows, and board games!!!! (Hmmm...dinner with sexy rich Bruce vs. CandyLand with lame stupid whiny Eeny Rollins...I pick BRUCE!!!!!)
The night of the party arrives and Jess gets all sexied up in her little black dress. Liz is super sad that Jess is bailing on them, but she doesn't let that spoil her fun. MONTAGE! The nerds begin their plan of attack and the sleepover friends play a crazy game of Twister. Lila and Cheryl put foil all over Enid's head (I think she's getting highlights, but that is SO not the way to do them!!!! I went to cosmetology school, so this makes me shudder) and the nerds continue to fail with their raid. The girls play some charades and Enid is an absolute idiot. She keeps yelling out random, annoying shit and I begin to wonder why she doesn't go to a "special" school... This is super boring!!!! I wonder what Jess is doing...
Jess, meanwhile, is out with Bruce and his Harvard friends. Bruce's friends are all super smart, and they make fun of Jess for being...well, for being JESS, I guess. The worst part is that none of them can drink with their meal because Jess is under 21 and doesn't have a fake ID. Maybe they should have gone to Kelly's Roadhouse... Jess tries hard to fit in, but she just ends up making herself look stupid. Bruce doesn't help matters by announcing that Jess bailed on a slumber party to go to dinner. Kind of a dick move there, you damn Bruce impostor!!!! Everybody laughs at Jess and she wants to disappear.
Back in LameLand, the nerds continue to suck at raiding the party. They set off a smoke bomb, but it fails. Inside, their schemes go unnoticed and all the girls settle down to play some Truth or Dare. It's lame, just like I said, but Liz DOES admit that she would choose Mr. Collins if she had to be stranded on a deserted island with a teacher. (Seriously... 1) Ewww, and 2) Could they be any more unoriginal?!?!) Lila spices it up by asking Enid (of all people) how far she went with some guy... (Obviously, Li is referring to SEX!!!!) Enid is an idiot, so she responds with "To the mall..." Dumbass, but it's likely true!!!! Outside, Winston has become desperate to get inside the house. He raises a ladder and tries to enter through a second floor window, but the ladder falls and Win is forced to grab onto the balcony (????When did they build that????) and climb up. He tries to open the door, but it's locked from the inside and now Win is stuck!!!! Downstairs, nobody hears him screaming for help. Lila is bitching about how lame this is (and I am beginning to agree with her...I went to cooler parties in like 6th grade!!!!) and Cheryl is sick of it (because, you know, she never got to be a teenager what with all the modeling and traveling) so she dares Lila to run down the street to the mailbox- wearing only a towel!!!! Li is up for the challenge!!!!
Back to the cool kids, Bruce is also getting bored by his stuffy, boring Harvard friends. He whispers to Jess that he would like to leave and she readily agrees. They go back to Jess's and arrive right as the nerds are rushing in the front door to raid. Lila runs in as well and heads right upstairs. She sees Win on the balcony (in war paint for the raid) and screams in horror because he looks like a creeper. Somebody has taken Enid's Barry Manilow (who?) CDs... But nobody cares because Jess is raving about how fun and sophisticated her evening was. Bruce promptly busts her out, saying that he knows she had a terrible time. Jess is forced to admit the truth and apologize to Liz. Everybody starts dancing after that, and Enid and Manny dance together...
****The SarahLynn Summary****
*I thought MY weekends were boring!!!! Thank god I didn't grow up in Sweet Valley!!!!
*And Enid is totally that girl at the sleepover that falls asleep like 3 hours before everybody else and ends up with her bra frozen, or her hand in warm water, or the shaving cream/feather trick...
Next Time on SVH TV:
Bruce buys a fortune teller, Jess and Lila learn about Karma, and Todd is back to being an ass!!!! The best part- almost everything happens at the Moon Beach!!!!!
Sunday, May 22, 2011
SVH TV (Season 2, Episode 7) - "A Fair To Remember"
Intro:
In the midst of working a full week straight -plus babysitting after work!!!!- I finally have a spare moment and I have chosen to spend it recapping some quality TV for you...
Recap:
It's winter in Sweet Valley...again. (Wait, the first day of school was only like 6 episodes ago!!!) SVH is holding their annual Winter Carnival, and Jess is drooling over this episode's love interest, Dave Porter. (Any relation to Julie?) Alas, Dave has been dating some ho named Claire for 2 years now, so it seems Jess is SOL. Poor Jess hasn't had a date in TWO DAYS!!!! OMG.
Sadly, the A-Plot and B-Plot are intertwined today. We cut to Todd after Liz scolds Jess for being a boyfriend-stealing whore. Todd is in good spirits (damn, I miss Bad Todd!!!) because he's now back on the basketball team!!! Unfortunately, Todd is only a bench player (for you non-sports people, bench player = not a star...), but the coach tells him to keep working on his game. Coach also introduces Todd to his new teammate (who just happens to be the coach's nephew). New dude is named Jason, BTW. Jason works fast!!!! He meets Liz right away and promptly hits on her. Todd is none-too-happy about this, and he's even angrier when he learns Jason is a starter on the basketball team!!!
As interesting as all of that is, we must now take the obligatory trip to LoserLand. Winston is reading a magic book and babbling about the show he's going to put on. (Last time I checked, high school kids weren't into magic shows!!!) Win is now WINDINI, master magician. (Speaking of magic, you know who's sexy as hell? David Blaine...) Oh, and Enid (eww) and Manny (yay!!!) are working at the Carnival too. They're running a cotton candy stand and Enid is an absolute idiot. She tries to make cotton candy and ends up with a large beehive-style mass of it on her stupid little head. Loser.
After the Carnival, Liz and Jess (plus Manny and Enid) go to the Moon Beach. Jess is all kinds of upset because she still has no date. Speaking of upset, Todd storms in and tries to warm Liz about Jason. Todd says he's a "total scammer" (wow, he's known dude for like 5 minutes and he's already talking shit...I like Bad Todd!!!!) and he warns Liz to stay away from Jason. (I wish I'd recapped this episode a few weeks ago on Friday the 13th, I could have made SO many Jason jokes!!!) Liz thinks that Todd is just being his usual jealous self, so she ignores him and goes out with Jason despite Todd's warning.
Liz has lots of fun with Jason on their date. He tells her how special and spontaneous she is (uh-huh, I think he's just trying to get in her pants) and they end the evening with a kiss. Todd is lurking in the bushes, and he jumps out waving a machete. He slices Jason up with the machete, but suddenly Jason's body magically regenerates itself... Oh wait, I think everything after the kiss was actually part of a Friday the 13th movie!!! Just seeing who's paying attention!!! (In actuality, the scene ends with the kiss.)
Back at the Winter Carnival sometime later, Jason is proving himself to be a major player. He's hitting on everything in a skirt, and Todd is observing all of this with his mouth curled in disgust. He does not approve, I guess. He shares his thoughts with Jason, and Jason simply laughs it off. (Play on, playa!!!!) As he saunters away, Jason drops his "little black book" (LOL, life before cell phones!!!!) and fails to notice.
Todd, however, does notice. He scoops up said LBB and shows it to Liz as proof of what a douche Jason is. Dude keeps track of how hot girls are using a star rating system (ie. Enid- 0 stars, Liz- 1 star, Jess- 50 million stars) and it totally reminds me of the movie 'Carrie 2: The Rage'. Dude, this could end VERY badly... But, much to Todd's shock and dismay, Liz doesn't seem to care.
Jess is still depressed over her lack of dates. She goes to the Moon Beach hoping to find Mr. Right and meets Jason for the first time. He introduces himself as Cliff and asks her out. She's desperate (and he's a PLAYER!!!!) so she agrees to a date on Friday night. Jason already has a date with Liz on Saturday, and he brags about all of this to Todd. Of course, Todd tells Liz but she refuses to believe him. Todd needs to stop Jason, so he tries to come up with a plan...
Todd's plan involves telling Jason that Jess wants to go out on Saturday night instead. He switches the dates, and we get a MONTAGE! We get to see Jason on his dates, and some random Enid and Manny, plus some of Win's stupid ass magic show.
After the weekend, Liz is still gushing over Jason. She thinks that Todd has been very rude and judgmental lately, and Jason is just what she needs to get over his mopey ass. She tells Jess all the boring details- like how Jason always brings her wild flowers- and asks Jess about her new guy. Jess gushes over how not-like-Jason Cliff is. He's not all sappy and romantic and shit, and NO flowers. (Because we all know Jess is the type of girl that doesn't expect such things. He probably takes her straight to Miller's Point...or maybe the beach.) Liz suggests that they double date sometime (I'm sure Jason/Cliff wouldn't mind that!!!) and Jess laughs in her face.
"Cliff" and Jess go out on their date and Liz sees them together. Of course, she's heartbroken. Jess figures the whole thing out when Jason brings her wild flowers. Oh shit!!!! Liz is livid when Jess gets home because she thinks that Jess knew the entire time. Todd barges in (without knocking...I'm pretty sure it's considered the polite thing to do when you arrive at your ex girlfriend's house. Plus, Todd is a THIEF, so I can't believe Liz still leaves that kitchen door unlocked for him...) Todd takes Jess's side (of course he does, I'm seeing SO much evidence pointing towards their future together) and says that Jess is a victim too, just like Liz. Wakefield twins got played, bottom line. Luckily, Todd still has Jason's book of girls AND a revenge plan!!!!
The revenge plan goes into effect at Winston's magic show. The crowd is huge, and there's an entire table full of pies (which NOBODY has offered to share with me...these kids have ZERO manners!!!). Winston gets Jason to volunteer to be part of the act, and he locks him in stocks. (Off with his head!!!! That'll learn him!!!!) While Jason is securely stocked (?), Liz and Jess pull out his Black Book and start to read from it. It seems like every girl in school is in said book, and they all join Liz and Jess on stage. (Shit, even fucking ENID is one of the girls...dude must be crawling with VD if he's sinking THAT low...) Every girl takes a turn slamming a pie into Jason's face, and suddenly the basketball coach shows up. Todd thinks Coach will stop the pie-ing, but he simply tells Todd that Liz called him and told him all about Jason's Black Book and slutty ways. Coach thinks it isn't cool, so he hands Todd a pie and tells him to take a shot!!! He also tells Todd that he may end up being a starter on the team after all.
****The SarahLynn Summary****
*Dating twins would be awesome, I won't lie!!!! Jason is a PIMP!!! I'm more than a little jealous.
*Winston will never be half as good as David Blaine. Actually, no man will(not even BRUCE)!!!!
*Speaking of Bruce, I feel like I haven't seen him in forever... He must be busy running the Moon Beach or something.
*A pie in the face is ALWAYS funny. Always.
Next Time on SVH TV:
Liz and Jess have a slumber party. Jess goes out with Bruce (!!!!) and the nerds get their revenge (sort of).
In the midst of working a full week straight -plus babysitting after work!!!!- I finally have a spare moment and I have chosen to spend it recapping some quality TV for you...
Recap:
It's winter in Sweet Valley...again. (Wait, the first day of school was only like 6 episodes ago!!!) SVH is holding their annual Winter Carnival, and Jess is drooling over this episode's love interest, Dave Porter. (Any relation to Julie?) Alas, Dave has been dating some ho named Claire for 2 years now, so it seems Jess is SOL. Poor Jess hasn't had a date in TWO DAYS!!!! OMG.
Sadly, the A-Plot and B-Plot are intertwined today. We cut to Todd after Liz scolds Jess for being a boyfriend-stealing whore. Todd is in good spirits (damn, I miss Bad Todd!!!) because he's now back on the basketball team!!! Unfortunately, Todd is only a bench player (for you non-sports people, bench player = not a star...), but the coach tells him to keep working on his game. Coach also introduces Todd to his new teammate (who just happens to be the coach's nephew). New dude is named Jason, BTW. Jason works fast!!!! He meets Liz right away and promptly hits on her. Todd is none-too-happy about this, and he's even angrier when he learns Jason is a starter on the basketball team!!!
As interesting as all of that is, we must now take the obligatory trip to LoserLand. Winston is reading a magic book and babbling about the show he's going to put on. (Last time I checked, high school kids weren't into magic shows!!!) Win is now WINDINI, master magician. (Speaking of magic, you know who's sexy as hell? David Blaine...) Oh, and Enid (eww) and Manny (yay!!!) are working at the Carnival too. They're running a cotton candy stand and Enid is an absolute idiot. She tries to make cotton candy and ends up with a large beehive-style mass of it on her stupid little head. Loser.
After the Carnival, Liz and Jess (plus Manny and Enid) go to the Moon Beach. Jess is all kinds of upset because she still has no date. Speaking of upset, Todd storms in and tries to warm Liz about Jason. Todd says he's a "total scammer" (wow, he's known dude for like 5 minutes and he's already talking shit...I like Bad Todd!!!!) and he warns Liz to stay away from Jason. (I wish I'd recapped this episode a few weeks ago on Friday the 13th, I could have made SO many Jason jokes!!!) Liz thinks that Todd is just being his usual jealous self, so she ignores him and goes out with Jason despite Todd's warning.
Liz has lots of fun with Jason on their date. He tells her how special and spontaneous she is (uh-huh, I think he's just trying to get in her pants) and they end the evening with a kiss. Todd is lurking in the bushes, and he jumps out waving a machete. He slices Jason up with the machete, but suddenly Jason's body magically regenerates itself... Oh wait, I think everything after the kiss was actually part of a Friday the 13th movie!!! Just seeing who's paying attention!!! (In actuality, the scene ends with the kiss.)
Back at the Winter Carnival sometime later, Jason is proving himself to be a major player. He's hitting on everything in a skirt, and Todd is observing all of this with his mouth curled in disgust. He does not approve, I guess. He shares his thoughts with Jason, and Jason simply laughs it off. (Play on, playa!!!!) As he saunters away, Jason drops his "little black book" (LOL, life before cell phones!!!!) and fails to notice.
Todd, however, does notice. He scoops up said LBB and shows it to Liz as proof of what a douche Jason is. Dude keeps track of how hot girls are using a star rating system (ie. Enid- 0 stars, Liz- 1 star, Jess- 50 million stars) and it totally reminds me of the movie 'Carrie 2: The Rage'. Dude, this could end VERY badly... But, much to Todd's shock and dismay, Liz doesn't seem to care.
Jess is still depressed over her lack of dates. She goes to the Moon Beach hoping to find Mr. Right and meets Jason for the first time. He introduces himself as Cliff and asks her out. She's desperate (and he's a PLAYER!!!!) so she agrees to a date on Friday night. Jason already has a date with Liz on Saturday, and he brags about all of this to Todd. Of course, Todd tells Liz but she refuses to believe him. Todd needs to stop Jason, so he tries to come up with a plan...
Todd's plan involves telling Jason that Jess wants to go out on Saturday night instead. He switches the dates, and we get a MONTAGE! We get to see Jason on his dates, and some random Enid and Manny, plus some of Win's stupid ass magic show.
After the weekend, Liz is still gushing over Jason. She thinks that Todd has been very rude and judgmental lately, and Jason is just what she needs to get over his mopey ass. She tells Jess all the boring details- like how Jason always brings her wild flowers- and asks Jess about her new guy. Jess gushes over how not-like-Jason Cliff is. He's not all sappy and romantic and shit, and NO flowers. (Because we all know Jess is the type of girl that doesn't expect such things. He probably takes her straight to Miller's Point...or maybe the beach.) Liz suggests that they double date sometime (I'm sure Jason/Cliff wouldn't mind that!!!) and Jess laughs in her face.
"Cliff" and Jess go out on their date and Liz sees them together. Of course, she's heartbroken. Jess figures the whole thing out when Jason brings her wild flowers. Oh shit!!!! Liz is livid when Jess gets home because she thinks that Jess knew the entire time. Todd barges in (without knocking...I'm pretty sure it's considered the polite thing to do when you arrive at your ex girlfriend's house. Plus, Todd is a THIEF, so I can't believe Liz still leaves that kitchen door unlocked for him...) Todd takes Jess's side (of course he does, I'm seeing SO much evidence pointing towards their future together) and says that Jess is a victim too, just like Liz. Wakefield twins got played, bottom line. Luckily, Todd still has Jason's book of girls AND a revenge plan!!!!
The revenge plan goes into effect at Winston's magic show. The crowd is huge, and there's an entire table full of pies (which NOBODY has offered to share with me...these kids have ZERO manners!!!). Winston gets Jason to volunteer to be part of the act, and he locks him in stocks. (Off with his head!!!! That'll learn him!!!!) While Jason is securely stocked (?), Liz and Jess pull out his Black Book and start to read from it. It seems like every girl in school is in said book, and they all join Liz and Jess on stage. (Shit, even fucking ENID is one of the girls...dude must be crawling with VD if he's sinking THAT low...) Every girl takes a turn slamming a pie into Jason's face, and suddenly the basketball coach shows up. Todd thinks Coach will stop the pie-ing, but he simply tells Todd that Liz called him and told him all about Jason's Black Book and slutty ways. Coach thinks it isn't cool, so he hands Todd a pie and tells him to take a shot!!! He also tells Todd that he may end up being a starter on the team after all.
****The SarahLynn Summary****
*Dating twins would be awesome, I won't lie!!!! Jason is a PIMP!!! I'm more than a little jealous.
*Winston will never be half as good as David Blaine. Actually, no man will(not even BRUCE)!!!!
*Speaking of Bruce, I feel like I haven't seen him in forever... He must be busy running the Moon Beach or something.
*A pie in the face is ALWAYS funny. Always.
Next Time on SVH TV:
Liz and Jess have a slumber party. Jess goes out with Bruce (!!!!) and the nerds get their revenge (sort of).
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
SVH TV (Season 2, Episode 6) - "False Possessions"
Intro:
Enid is REALLY stupid in this episode, so get ready to suffer along with me!!!! I bet I can make your suffering a little more fun, if nothing else!!!! :)
Recap:
We open with Liz learning all about football. No, she's not joining Sweet Valley's Lingerie Football League team, she's writing an article for the Oracle. It seems to me that this is a rather broad subject...like, don't they have a SPORTS writer? Why would the editor/gossip columnist be writing this? I'm already confused. Luckily, Jess is there to explain how football works...sort of. She explains it using shopping comparisons, and I love her for that. Finally, football makes sense to me!!!! (Hey, I'm a basketball girl for life, no time for any other sports!!!! Although I did cheer for football when I was a freshman.) Jess informs Liz that Lila will be staying with them while her house is being fumigated. Lila arrives immediately after Jess says this, and she's come prepared. She has an entire set of Louis Vuitton luggage!!!!
Liz escapes the madness of Jess and Lila's slumber party by going to the Moon Beach with Enid. Enid whines in her annoying little squeak-voice about how she wants a boyfriend. Enid sees Todd sitting all by himself and she goes to annoy him. Liz doesn't follow, she's probably just appreciating the quiet. Enid talks to Todd about how she used to dance ballet until the teacher told her to stop. HAHAHA!!!! It's totally random and it makes no sense, but that was a pretty funny mental image nonetheless.
Back at Casa Wakefield, Lila has made herself very at home. She's already taken over Jess's bed, as well as the closet. Lila also seems to be a little jealous of Liz and Jess's relationship...you know, since her dad kinda sucks and she has nobody else. Awww.
Later, Enid asks Liz if Todd is free to date other people, since Liz is so obviously over him. She also asks Manny about it, and Manny believes that Enid is interested in him and he tells her to go ahead and ask the guy out, because chances are he's into her as well. I can already see where this is going...
Back to interesting people, Lila has returned from a shopping trip with loads of gifts for her reluctant hostesses. She then asks if she can stay until her house is done being painted. Wait- I thought it was FUMIGATED?!?! I think Lila is up to something!!!!
Enid goes and annoys Todd some more. He lets her, because he's in a good mood today. Apparently, he spoke to the basketball coach and he is being allowed to try out again!!!! They go out to celebrate.
While all of this crap is melting my brain, Jess and Li are shopping!!!! Jess is shocked to learn that Lila's newest activity is SHOPLIFTING!!!! OMG!!!! She pulls a Liz and starts to interrogate Li, and Li explains that she does it for the rush, and somehow this convinces Jess to join in. Back at home, Liz is suspicious when she sees all of Jess and Li's new stuff, but she has to go watch ESPN for her article so she lets it go.
Back in LameLand, Enid is avoiding Liz. She has plans with Todd, and Liz is quite upset when she finds out about this. Enid goes on her "date", totally thinking Todd is into her. They talk about their feelings, and Enid tells him that he should share more. Somehow, Enid takes this as an invitation to kiss him. She does this and feels like an absolute idiot when he tells he he was talking about LIZ -and not Enid's stupid ass!!!! (See, I knew I loved new Todd, even if he is turning into a pussy again!!!)
Back at the mall, Jess and Lila are continuing their shoplifting spree. They're very blatant about it, so it's no wonder that they get caught. Security interrogate them and Lila offers to pay for everything. Sadly, it's too late and security calls their parents. (LOL, like THAT accomplished anything!!! Lila's dad is probably out of the coutry, and I'm pretty sure Jess and Liz are the results of some cloning/test tube birth experiment...) Jess blames Lila for everything, and Li finally breaks down. Li was doing it all for attention, because her dad has been too busy with his new girlfriend to even notice Lila. Jess is shocked because she thought Lila's dad was away on business, and she quickly makes Lila feel better about things. I guess some of Liz's ability to solve a problem before the commercial break is genetic.
After seeing stupid Enid and Todd together, Liz goes home and cries about it. Enid finds her and sets her straight. Todd loves Liz, duh. Liz is still mad at Todd for his recent douchebag-ness, but she quickly forgives Enid and reassures her that there is someone out there for Enid. This comes true later that night after Enid goes home. Manny randomly shows up on her doorstep as she's getting ready for bed. He hugs her and runs away, and even I think Manny was sort of cute for that, even if it WAS Enid.
(Hey, whatever happened to the obligatory REVENGE scheme in every episode? And where was the MONTAGE? Did I miss something?) As punishment for their shoplifting, Jess and Li are forced to work at some place called Miss. Kitty's Corner. They are left alone with like a million screaming little bratty kids that tie them up and run wild.
****SarahLynn Says****
*Shoplifting is a crime, and crime doesn't pay!!!!
*Todd is slowly returning back to his normal self, gushing over Liz and everything. Damn, I had hoped he would keep up with the crazy!!!!
*Where's Bruce been lately? Ugly new actor or not, I miss him!!!!
Next Time on SVH TV:
"A Fair To Remember"
It's winter already!!! And some dude dates BOTH Liz and Jess.
Enid is REALLY stupid in this episode, so get ready to suffer along with me!!!! I bet I can make your suffering a little more fun, if nothing else!!!! :)
Recap:
We open with Liz learning all about football. No, she's not joining Sweet Valley's Lingerie Football League team, she's writing an article for the Oracle. It seems to me that this is a rather broad subject...like, don't they have a SPORTS writer? Why would the editor/gossip columnist be writing this? I'm already confused. Luckily, Jess is there to explain how football works...sort of. She explains it using shopping comparisons, and I love her for that. Finally, football makes sense to me!!!! (Hey, I'm a basketball girl for life, no time for any other sports!!!! Although I did cheer for football when I was a freshman.) Jess informs Liz that Lila will be staying with them while her house is being fumigated. Lila arrives immediately after Jess says this, and she's come prepared. She has an entire set of Louis Vuitton luggage!!!!
Liz escapes the madness of Jess and Lila's slumber party by going to the Moon Beach with Enid. Enid whines in her annoying little squeak-voice about how she wants a boyfriend. Enid sees Todd sitting all by himself and she goes to annoy him. Liz doesn't follow, she's probably just appreciating the quiet. Enid talks to Todd about how she used to dance ballet until the teacher told her to stop. HAHAHA!!!! It's totally random and it makes no sense, but that was a pretty funny mental image nonetheless.
Back at Casa Wakefield, Lila has made herself very at home. She's already taken over Jess's bed, as well as the closet. Lila also seems to be a little jealous of Liz and Jess's relationship...you know, since her dad kinda sucks and she has nobody else. Awww.
Later, Enid asks Liz if Todd is free to date other people, since Liz is so obviously over him. She also asks Manny about it, and Manny believes that Enid is interested in him and he tells her to go ahead and ask the guy out, because chances are he's into her as well. I can already see where this is going...
Back to interesting people, Lila has returned from a shopping trip with loads of gifts for her reluctant hostesses. She then asks if she can stay until her house is done being painted. Wait- I thought it was FUMIGATED?!?! I think Lila is up to something!!!!
Enid goes and annoys Todd some more. He lets her, because he's in a good mood today. Apparently, he spoke to the basketball coach and he is being allowed to try out again!!!! They go out to celebrate.
While all of this crap is melting my brain, Jess and Li are shopping!!!! Jess is shocked to learn that Lila's newest activity is SHOPLIFTING!!!! OMG!!!! She pulls a Liz and starts to interrogate Li, and Li explains that she does it for the rush, and somehow this convinces Jess to join in. Back at home, Liz is suspicious when she sees all of Jess and Li's new stuff, but she has to go watch ESPN for her article so she lets it go.
Back in LameLand, Enid is avoiding Liz. She has plans with Todd, and Liz is quite upset when she finds out about this. Enid goes on her "date", totally thinking Todd is into her. They talk about their feelings, and Enid tells him that he should share more. Somehow, Enid takes this as an invitation to kiss him. She does this and feels like an absolute idiot when he tells he he was talking about LIZ -and not Enid's stupid ass!!!! (See, I knew I loved new Todd, even if he is turning into a pussy again!!!)
Back at the mall, Jess and Lila are continuing their shoplifting spree. They're very blatant about it, so it's no wonder that they get caught. Security interrogate them and Lila offers to pay for everything. Sadly, it's too late and security calls their parents. (LOL, like THAT accomplished anything!!! Lila's dad is probably out of the coutry, and I'm pretty sure Jess and Liz are the results of some cloning/test tube birth experiment...) Jess blames Lila for everything, and Li finally breaks down. Li was doing it all for attention, because her dad has been too busy with his new girlfriend to even notice Lila. Jess is shocked because she thought Lila's dad was away on business, and she quickly makes Lila feel better about things. I guess some of Liz's ability to solve a problem before the commercial break is genetic.
After seeing stupid Enid and Todd together, Liz goes home and cries about it. Enid finds her and sets her straight. Todd loves Liz, duh. Liz is still mad at Todd for his recent douchebag-ness, but she quickly forgives Enid and reassures her that there is someone out there for Enid. This comes true later that night after Enid goes home. Manny randomly shows up on her doorstep as she's getting ready for bed. He hugs her and runs away, and even I think Manny was sort of cute for that, even if it WAS Enid.
(Hey, whatever happened to the obligatory REVENGE scheme in every episode? And where was the MONTAGE? Did I miss something?) As punishment for their shoplifting, Jess and Li are forced to work at some place called Miss. Kitty's Corner. They are left alone with like a million screaming little bratty kids that tie them up and run wild.
****SarahLynn Says****
*Shoplifting is a crime, and crime doesn't pay!!!!
*Todd is slowly returning back to his normal self, gushing over Liz and everything. Damn, I had hoped he would keep up with the crazy!!!!
*Where's Bruce been lately? Ugly new actor or not, I miss him!!!!
Next Time on SVH TV:
"A Fair To Remember"
It's winter already!!! And some dude dates BOTH Liz and Jess.
SVH TV (Season 2, Episode 5) - "IQ Commeth"
Intro:
Yeah, I've gotten a little lazy with my Intros. Forgive me, it's absolutely beautiful outside and I need to quickly post those so I can play outside before the NBA Draft Lottery tonight!!!!
Today's second episode is about JESSICA!!!! She's a genius, and now EVERYBODY knows it!!!! She even gets a BANNER!!!! I love banners. I wish somebosy would make one for ME, but then again, I never do anything banner-worthy.
Recap:
***A-Plot***
Our story starts at school. Everybody has just finished some super hard math exam and now they're all stressing about their results. Jess isn't worried about it, she's too busy stalking this episode's love interest, Jim Johnson.
As Jess walks down the hallway, the Principal stops her. She scored 162 on some college compatibility test, which is AMAZING!!!! The only other person who scored higher was some dude named Mortimer, and now he and Jess will represent SVH at the Big Academic Bowl. Top prize is $500!!!! Jess is surprised by all of this, but she sees the big flashy CONGRATS banner, and then Mortimer turns out to be hot, so she goes along with it. Plus, $500 will cover her latest accident with the Jeep. She drags Mort to the Moon Beach for a study session. I think she just wants to get in his pants, but he is oblivious. At the MB, Jess realizes that she knows NOTHING!!! I'm beginning to think her test results were a mistake.
Jess decides to impress Mort with a hot new dress, so she borrows some money - $200, to be exact (which is essential to the B-Plot)- from Liz. She is STILL positive that she and Mort will win the Academic Bowl, so she thinks she'll be able to pay Liz back with her winnings.
Eventually, the Principal figures out that Jess only scored 62 on the test, and thus she is STUPID!!!! Just like everyone else, I guess. Jess refuses to drop out of the Academic Bowl, and she devises a plan to help her win...
Jess enlists the help of Lila and they go to the Academic Bowl offices. They work their way into the head guy's office and search for the answer sheet so Jess can cheat. They prove how stupid they are by confusing dude's grocery list with the answer sheet!!! Seriously?!?!
The day of the Academic Bowl arrives and Jess dresses for the occasion. She even wears glasses. (And I am now totally reminded of the tragic events of the Degrassi season 4 episode where Spinner and Jay rigged the Academic Bowl and that Rick guy got humiliated. And then he returned with a GUN and shot Jimmy/aka- DRAKE!!!! That was TRAGIC, and my life hasn't been the same since. And Winston would totally be Rick, good thing he isn't competing.) Jess has the "answers" memorized, and she makes a complete ass out of herself. She ends up with the lowest score ever in the history of '90's TV show episodes featuring Academic Bowls. Mort thinks she's a complete idiot and he wants nothing to do with her, plus she now has no money to give to Liz...
***B-Plot***
Todd's friends continue to cause trouble for Liz. They bully people, especially Winston. Todd stands idly by and watches these morons as they steal Win's glasses and force him to give them money. Somehow, these guys talk Win into giving them $200. He doesn't have it, and he knows they're gonna kick his ass if he doesn't make with the cash, so Liz agrees to loan it to him until they can resolve this whole thing.
Liz demand to know why Todd won't help poor Win, but he's still being a badass so he ignores her. Instead, Cheryl teaches Win the art of boxing (in MONTAGE! form!!!!). Cheryl kicks ass!!!! I wish she was real so we could practice boxing together. I'd even let her borrow my rainbow gloves with the sparkles on them!!!! (Hey, I have small hands and only the kids' gloves fit!!!)
Eventually, the thugs come looking for their moneys. Win doesn't have it so he's forced to fight. (And I just noticed how they've added a lot more background voices into these new episodes...it's really annoying.) Lucky for Win, Todd is able to stop being a dick long enough to step in and stop his goons. Win refuses to let Todd stop the fight, and he promptly gets knocked out. Liz is now left to wonder whether or not this act means that the old Todd is back. I hope not.
****SarahLynn Says****
*Why did ever TV show of this era have to have an Academic Bowl episode? I was super disappointed when I got to high school and discovered that there was no such thing!!!! We had a trivia team, but there was never these big showy events with cash prizes or anything...
Next Time on SVH TV:
Liz learns about football, Lila lies, and Enid thinks Todd is into her. Unlikely!!!!
Yeah, I've gotten a little lazy with my Intros. Forgive me, it's absolutely beautiful outside and I need to quickly post those so I can play outside before the NBA Draft Lottery tonight!!!!
Today's second episode is about JESSICA!!!! She's a genius, and now EVERYBODY knows it!!!! She even gets a BANNER!!!! I love banners. I wish somebosy would make one for ME, but then again, I never do anything banner-worthy.
Recap:
***A-Plot***
Our story starts at school. Everybody has just finished some super hard math exam and now they're all stressing about their results. Jess isn't worried about it, she's too busy stalking this episode's love interest, Jim Johnson.
As Jess walks down the hallway, the Principal stops her. She scored 162 on some college compatibility test, which is AMAZING!!!! The only other person who scored higher was some dude named Mortimer, and now he and Jess will represent SVH at the Big Academic Bowl. Top prize is $500!!!! Jess is surprised by all of this, but she sees the big flashy CONGRATS banner, and then Mortimer turns out to be hot, so she goes along with it. Plus, $500 will cover her latest accident with the Jeep. She drags Mort to the Moon Beach for a study session. I think she just wants to get in his pants, but he is oblivious. At the MB, Jess realizes that she knows NOTHING!!! I'm beginning to think her test results were a mistake.
Jess decides to impress Mort with a hot new dress, so she borrows some money - $200, to be exact (which is essential to the B-Plot)- from Liz. She is STILL positive that she and Mort will win the Academic Bowl, so she thinks she'll be able to pay Liz back with her winnings.
Eventually, the Principal figures out that Jess only scored 62 on the test, and thus she is STUPID!!!! Just like everyone else, I guess. Jess refuses to drop out of the Academic Bowl, and she devises a plan to help her win...
Jess enlists the help of Lila and they go to the Academic Bowl offices. They work their way into the head guy's office and search for the answer sheet so Jess can cheat. They prove how stupid they are by confusing dude's grocery list with the answer sheet!!! Seriously?!?!
The day of the Academic Bowl arrives and Jess dresses for the occasion. She even wears glasses. (And I am now totally reminded of the tragic events of the Degrassi season 4 episode where Spinner and Jay rigged the Academic Bowl and that Rick guy got humiliated. And then he returned with a GUN and shot Jimmy/aka- DRAKE!!!! That was TRAGIC, and my life hasn't been the same since. And Winston would totally be Rick, good thing he isn't competing.) Jess has the "answers" memorized, and she makes a complete ass out of herself. She ends up with the lowest score ever in the history of '90's TV show episodes featuring Academic Bowls. Mort thinks she's a complete idiot and he wants nothing to do with her, plus she now has no money to give to Liz...
***B-Plot***
Todd's friends continue to cause trouble for Liz. They bully people, especially Winston. Todd stands idly by and watches these morons as they steal Win's glasses and force him to give them money. Somehow, these guys talk Win into giving them $200. He doesn't have it, and he knows they're gonna kick his ass if he doesn't make with the cash, so Liz agrees to loan it to him until they can resolve this whole thing.
Liz demand to know why Todd won't help poor Win, but he's still being a badass so he ignores her. Instead, Cheryl teaches Win the art of boxing (in MONTAGE! form!!!!). Cheryl kicks ass!!!! I wish she was real so we could practice boxing together. I'd even let her borrow my rainbow gloves with the sparkles on them!!!! (Hey, I have small hands and only the kids' gloves fit!!!)
Eventually, the thugs come looking for their moneys. Win doesn't have it so he's forced to fight. (And I just noticed how they've added a lot more background voices into these new episodes...it's really annoying.) Lucky for Win, Todd is able to stop being a dick long enough to step in and stop his goons. Win refuses to let Todd stop the fight, and he promptly gets knocked out. Liz is now left to wonder whether or not this act means that the old Todd is back. I hope not.
****SarahLynn Says****
*Why did ever TV show of this era have to have an Academic Bowl episode? I was super disappointed when I got to high school and discovered that there was no such thing!!!! We had a trivia team, but there was never these big showy events with cash prizes or anything...
Next Time on SVH TV:
Liz learns about football, Lila lies, and Enid thinks Todd is into her. Unlikely!!!!
SVH TV (Season 2, Episode 4) - "Dark Side of the Moon Beach"
Intro:
Todd Wilkins gone bad!!! Oh no!!!!
Recap:
We begin today's episode in the Wakefield kitchen. Jess is digging in the fridge and complaining about how she hates food and water. Whatever, go to the Moon Beach already!!! Liz is sitting at the counter and looking all sad (she does this a lot lately). Before Todd dumped her ass, she ordered him a personalized Lakers jacket. She wants to give it to him anyways, since she can't return it. Jess stops her and begs her to let her have it instead. Jess delivers the hilarious line: "I'm sure one of these days I'll date a guy named Todd." If she only knew... Jess must be up to something here, because she suddenly starts babbling about how Liz needs to get over Todd's ass and get under someone else...
Jess apparently heard me earlier when I told her to go to the Moon Beach. She's sitting with Lila. Poor Lila has over-shopped (again *sigh*) and her father has now put her on a BUDGET!!!! (Yes, again.) Lila is understandably upset and she tries to bitch about it to Cheryl, but Cheryl isn't the type of person who spends a lot on clothing. Her outfit is from a "vintage" shop... And I imagine that, despite this, she must have a FEW haute couture items in her closet from all those years of modeling. You know she's just lying so Jess and Lila don't figure this out and start to "borrow".
Liz is now waiting for Todd to come and get his present. He shows up over an hour late. Liz bitches about it to Winston, and he tells her to try and be more understanding. Dude just needs his space. Of course, this concept is foreign to Liz, and she doesn't understand why Todd only wants to practice his basketball playing. She must not have been paying attention in the first episode. Todd obviously sucks at basketball, like bad enough to make him drop out of school!!!! No wonder he needs to practice instead of dealing with his meddling, obviously-not-over-him ex!!!! Liz is shocked to learn that Todd is having a party that night. He also had one the week before and was with some redhead. His friends thought that that whore was LIZ, WTF Todd?!?! Again? Liz decides that now is the time to get over Todd (no shit!!!) and she enlists Jess to help her date. Jess is well-prepared for this occasion. She has index cards with vitals on every guy at SVH, and they're organized into categories. She also makes a huge wall chart with sticky notes and photos!!!! Plus, she was kind enough to make a "LOSER" pile for Enid.
At school, Win learns that Todd has skipped class all week. (Ummm, duh, that's sort of what happens when you drop out of school!!!) He's shocked and starts to worry so he goes looking for Todd. He discovers that NOBODY has seen Todd lately, AND he even QUIT the basketball team!!!! Oh shit, Todd's lost it!!!!
Lila, meanwhile, is going crazy for bargains. She's even learned about the wonders of coupons!!! Scary stuff, I know.
Winston continues to search for Todd. He runs into Carl (!!!!yay, Carl!!!!) and Carl gives him this helpful info: "He went somewhere, with some guys". Thanks, Carl, remind me to call you next time I need an alibi!!! Win is super smart, and he tracks Todd down based off of Carl's tip. He finds Todd at school (it's nighttime...) and he's in the process of stealing a car!!! Todd and his crew get scared off easily, and Win runs up and gets inside the car. (Damn, I thought he learned his lesson about that in "Kidnapped"...) Wires are exposed, so Win now knows for sure that Todd has turned evil!!! (Maybe it was his doppleganger...)
Todd goes to the Moon Beach to lay low after his failed attempt at criminal activity. Win finds him and confronts him. Todd denies it, and he sort of threatens Win a little bit. I'm not Win's biggest fan, but I think he may be onto something here, Todd. Stealing = bad.
Liz is back into the dating scene. There's a MONTAGE! of her getting ready for a date. Jess, Lila, and even Enid's stupid ass all try new looks for her, and it's a lot like CLUELESS. Liz's date for the evening is named Scott, and my notes tell me that someone was wearing a stupid hat, but I forgot to write down who it was. The evening goes well, but then Jess pops up in a thought bubble, wearing a devil costume. She reminds Liz of the new rules for dating, and the fact that men like a woman who takes charge. Liz follows this advice and orders the meal. She is too busy being take-chargey that she fails to notice that Scott is ALLERGIC to what she ordered. Epic fail. Later, Liz returns to the same dining establishment with another guy, and this time Lila and Enid join Jess in her thought bubbles. This is enough to make Liz lose her mind!!!!
While all of this is going on, Lila is STILL obsessed with saving money. She starts buying stuff in bulk and going to -get this!!!- GARAGE SALES!!!!! She even steals sugar packets. Finally, Jess has had enough of Lila's embarrassing new habits. She locks Lila in a department store and forces her to shop. Mr. Fowler was fine with this, especially since Lila has discovered pawn shops and started to pawn his valuables. He realized that he actually SAVED money by not putting Li on a budget. If I had a dad, I would want him to be like Mr. F.!!!! Emotional neglect and all.
Liz goes on yet another date. This time, she goes to the Moon Beach and breaks Jess's stupid dating rules. her date orders burgers, and Win serves them half-eaten ones. Liz goes to complain and Win tells her that he needed to talk to her in secret. He tells her about Todd's newfound auto theft hobby and Liz is all OMG. As if on cue, Todd prances into the Moon Beach at that moment. He's wearing BLACK LEATHER, so you know he's gone for good. He acts like a complete ass (my notes say "Todd come in, bes a dick") and yells at Liz for being such a meddling bitch. He even picks a fight with the basketball team, wanting to kick all of their asses at once. (I'd put my money on Todd!!!! Dude's BAD!!!!) Todd grabs Win and shakes him for telling Liz what he did. Todd = angry, I got that!!!! He leaves in a rage, announcing his intentions to go and party. For once, I wish I was going with him.
****SarahLynn Says****
*New Todd is growing on me even more!!!! I like this guy. I think that, since my beloved Bruce has been replaced by an imposter, Todd is my new SVH crush.
*Lila sucks at being poor, we are all aware of this.
*Liz sucks at dating. I guess having the same boyfriend since you were like 7 and shit doesn't help matters much.
Next Time on SVH TV:
"IQ Cometh"
Jess is a genius? And more Todd being a badass!!!!
Todd Wilkins gone bad!!! Oh no!!!!
Recap:
We begin today's episode in the Wakefield kitchen. Jess is digging in the fridge and complaining about how she hates food and water. Whatever, go to the Moon Beach already!!! Liz is sitting at the counter and looking all sad (she does this a lot lately). Before Todd dumped her ass, she ordered him a personalized Lakers jacket. She wants to give it to him anyways, since she can't return it. Jess stops her and begs her to let her have it instead. Jess delivers the hilarious line: "I'm sure one of these days I'll date a guy named Todd." If she only knew... Jess must be up to something here, because she suddenly starts babbling about how Liz needs to get over Todd's ass and get under someone else...
Jess apparently heard me earlier when I told her to go to the Moon Beach. She's sitting with Lila. Poor Lila has over-shopped (again *sigh*) and her father has now put her on a BUDGET!!!! (Yes, again.) Lila is understandably upset and she tries to bitch about it to Cheryl, but Cheryl isn't the type of person who spends a lot on clothing. Her outfit is from a "vintage" shop... And I imagine that, despite this, she must have a FEW haute couture items in her closet from all those years of modeling. You know she's just lying so Jess and Lila don't figure this out and start to "borrow".
Liz is now waiting for Todd to come and get his present. He shows up over an hour late. Liz bitches about it to Winston, and he tells her to try and be more understanding. Dude just needs his space. Of course, this concept is foreign to Liz, and she doesn't understand why Todd only wants to practice his basketball playing. She must not have been paying attention in the first episode. Todd obviously sucks at basketball, like bad enough to make him drop out of school!!!! No wonder he needs to practice instead of dealing with his meddling, obviously-not-over-him ex!!!! Liz is shocked to learn that Todd is having a party that night. He also had one the week before and was with some redhead. His friends thought that that whore was LIZ, WTF Todd?!?! Again? Liz decides that now is the time to get over Todd (no shit!!!) and she enlists Jess to help her date. Jess is well-prepared for this occasion. She has index cards with vitals on every guy at SVH, and they're organized into categories. She also makes a huge wall chart with sticky notes and photos!!!! Plus, she was kind enough to make a "LOSER" pile for Enid.
At school, Win learns that Todd has skipped class all week. (Ummm, duh, that's sort of what happens when you drop out of school!!!) He's shocked and starts to worry so he goes looking for Todd. He discovers that NOBODY has seen Todd lately, AND he even QUIT the basketball team!!!! Oh shit, Todd's lost it!!!!
Lila, meanwhile, is going crazy for bargains. She's even learned about the wonders of coupons!!! Scary stuff, I know.
Winston continues to search for Todd. He runs into Carl (!!!!yay, Carl!!!!) and Carl gives him this helpful info: "He went somewhere, with some guys". Thanks, Carl, remind me to call you next time I need an alibi!!! Win is super smart, and he tracks Todd down based off of Carl's tip. He finds Todd at school (it's nighttime...) and he's in the process of stealing a car!!! Todd and his crew get scared off easily, and Win runs up and gets inside the car. (Damn, I thought he learned his lesson about that in "Kidnapped"...) Wires are exposed, so Win now knows for sure that Todd has turned evil!!! (Maybe it was his doppleganger...)
Todd goes to the Moon Beach to lay low after his failed attempt at criminal activity. Win finds him and confronts him. Todd denies it, and he sort of threatens Win a little bit. I'm not Win's biggest fan, but I think he may be onto something here, Todd. Stealing = bad.
Liz is back into the dating scene. There's a MONTAGE! of her getting ready for a date. Jess, Lila, and even Enid's stupid ass all try new looks for her, and it's a lot like CLUELESS. Liz's date for the evening is named Scott, and my notes tell me that someone was wearing a stupid hat, but I forgot to write down who it was. The evening goes well, but then Jess pops up in a thought bubble, wearing a devil costume. She reminds Liz of the new rules for dating, and the fact that men like a woman who takes charge. Liz follows this advice and orders the meal. She is too busy being take-chargey that she fails to notice that Scott is ALLERGIC to what she ordered. Epic fail. Later, Liz returns to the same dining establishment with another guy, and this time Lila and Enid join Jess in her thought bubbles. This is enough to make Liz lose her mind!!!!
While all of this is going on, Lila is STILL obsessed with saving money. She starts buying stuff in bulk and going to -get this!!!- GARAGE SALES!!!!! She even steals sugar packets. Finally, Jess has had enough of Lila's embarrassing new habits. She locks Lila in a department store and forces her to shop. Mr. Fowler was fine with this, especially since Lila has discovered pawn shops and started to pawn his valuables. He realized that he actually SAVED money by not putting Li on a budget. If I had a dad, I would want him to be like Mr. F.!!!! Emotional neglect and all.
Liz goes on yet another date. This time, she goes to the Moon Beach and breaks Jess's stupid dating rules. her date orders burgers, and Win serves them half-eaten ones. Liz goes to complain and Win tells her that he needed to talk to her in secret. He tells her about Todd's newfound auto theft hobby and Liz is all OMG. As if on cue, Todd prances into the Moon Beach at that moment. He's wearing BLACK LEATHER, so you know he's gone for good. He acts like a complete ass (my notes say "Todd come in, bes a dick") and yells at Liz for being such a meddling bitch. He even picks a fight with the basketball team, wanting to kick all of their asses at once. (I'd put my money on Todd!!!! Dude's BAD!!!!) Todd grabs Win and shakes him for telling Liz what he did. Todd = angry, I got that!!!! He leaves in a rage, announcing his intentions to go and party. For once, I wish I was going with him.
****SarahLynn Says****
*New Todd is growing on me even more!!!! I like this guy. I think that, since my beloved Bruce has been replaced by an imposter, Todd is my new SVH crush.
*Lila sucks at being poor, we are all aware of this.
*Liz sucks at dating. I guess having the same boyfriend since you were like 7 and shit doesn't help matters much.
Next Time on SVH TV:
"IQ Cometh"
Jess is a genius? And more Todd being a badass!!!!
SVH TV (Season 2, Episode 3) - "Promotional Rescue"
Intro:
I think I pretty much covered this at the end of my last post...
Recap:
Surprise, surprise, Jess has crashed the Jeep yet again!!! As usual, she needs to come up with $200 to cover the repairs. Yet, she's at the Moon Beach, spending her parents' hard-earned money despite the fact that she eats like 6 meals a day at home, plus snacks. Win suggests that she quit with the gluttony and the bitching about her finances. Actually, he suggests she get a JOB (LOL!!!!), but I liked my version better.
Speaking of people spending money, Bruce's dad has recently bought him the Moon Beach. (Yay, Moon Beach!!! I like it even better now!!!) And thus, Bruce is now Win's BOSS!!!! Which means, Winston = Bruce's slave!!!! (No not THAT kind of slave...dirty, filthy-minded reader!!!!)
Sadly, we must now check in with the Other Side. Liz and Enid are in the billiards room. Enid is absolutely without a doubt the stupidest person on Earth. She thinks that the pool cue chalk is eyeshadow. Dumbass. Liz isn't listening to her incessant babblings, however, she's still moping over -you guessed it!!!- Todd. Cheryl is sick of this shit, so she devises a secret plan to help Liz get over it for good...
Back to Bruce!!!! Bruce is obsessed with turning the MB into a profit machine!!! Jess, also needing some profit, suggests a partnership. Jess wants to throw a bunch of themed parties at the MB, and Bruce agrees to pay her $50 per party. Jess's first action as partner is to suggest firing Winston, and Bruce agrees.
Damnit!!!! That was just getting interesting!!!! Now we're back to the Losers. They're riding in a convertible, and Enid is in the back, screaming like she's never ridden in a car before. I don't think I have ever been THAT excited in my life... You can totally tell Cheryl wants to punch her face in. Enid quits screaming long enough to pull out some car games. She has checkers!!!! And some other lame shit, but Cheryl isn't having it!!!! She tosses Enid's crap out the window, and I now want Cheryl to marry me!!!!
Back at the Moon Beach, Jess has hired Win's replacement. His name is Chad, and he's hot. Of course, he's also an idiot. He gives $25 change for a $10!!!! Jess is throwing a huge party at the MB TONIGHT!!!! This should be good...
NOOOO!!!! We're back to Liz/Cheryl/Eeny!!!! NOOOOO!!!! Enid even makes LIZ seem tolerable, damnit!!!! Cheryl's Big Secret Surprise Plan is camping at Devil's Canyon!!!! Wow, I was hoping for a spa weekend, or even a few days at a nice hotel... WTF, Cheryl/Tatyanna/Whoever the hell you want to be today?
Oh thank god, we're now back at the MB!!! I'm sorry to report that Jess's promo party is failing miserably. Jess was supposed to mail out the invites (damn, how long has Liz been gone?) but instead she put them in the recycling bin, thinking it was a mailbox. Easy enough mistake, I guess!!! Jess promises that next time it will be a million times better, and Bruce tells her that it HAS to be or else his dad is shutting down the MB!!!! Oh shit!!!! Bruce blames Jess for fucking everything up, and I think he's responsible for at least a LITTLE of the blame. He should have known what he was getting into when he hired Jess. Luckily, Jess seems to have like 6 other events planned that same day, and we get a MONTAGE! of this. There's a heavy metal pancake breakfast, and a creepy mime party. Of course, all are epic fails. Looks like the Moon Beach is fucked!!!!
Meanwhile, in the woods, Cheryl has "accidentally" pushed Enid off of a cliff...oh wait, wishful thinking!!!! Instead, Cheryl has built a fire and Liz is clutching a box containing all of Todd's stuff. Cheryl wants her to burn it (like in CLUELESS!!!!!), and Enid is STILL being annoying as hell. You can totally tell that Cheryl wants something really bad to happen to her, and even Liz is slightly annoyed. Liz is scared to burn all of the stuff because she isn't ready to forget Todd yet. (Probably because we still have like 2 1/2 seasons to go!!!!)
Flashing back to the MB yet again, Bruce is still failing. The place is empty as hell, and Jess is wondering why nobody showed up to the fondue party. Suddenly, a large crowd rushes in and demands burgers. They don't want fondue, so Jess and Bruce are SOL, and Jess suggests keeping the MB the way it was. Bruce agrees that it was perfect the way it used to be (like, yesterday!!!! or maybe the day before...) and he begs Jess to help him cook for the customers. Jess has had enough (and also made enough from her failed parties) and she quits, taking hottie Chad with her. Amazingly, we get ANOTHER MONTAGE! Two-for-one!!!! Hells yeah!!! Bruce is working his ass off, and he really sucks at it. The crowd starts to chant and Bruce screams in frustration.
At the camping spot, Enid is STILL babbling. SHUT UP!!!! SHUT UP!!!! You contribute NOTHING!!!! And I am losing what remains of my sanity listening to you!!!! I wish YOU had been riding with Liz on Jungle Prom Night!!!! Everybody decides to go to sleep, and Liz falls asleep holding a picture of Todd.
I really should have done this episode "A-plot"/"B-plot" style. I hate switching back and forth, and these plots are seemingly parallel!!!! Back at the MB (again, *sigh*) Bruce is cleaning up his mess. Win comes in to collect his final check, and Bruce begs him to come back. And then something amazing happens- the YouTube glitches and skips forward to the very end. Hopefully I didn't miss anything important!!! It doesn't appear so, because the episode ends with everything being resolved somehow. Jess even manages to fix the Jeep, but she lets Chad drive it afterwards and he crashes it AGAIN!!!! I wonder how much Mr. W. pays for car insurance every month?
****The SarahLynn Summary****
*Bruce now owns the Moon Beach, and Winston.
*Liz is not over Todd.
*Jess has seriously bad luck with that damn Jeep!!!!
Next Time on SVH TV:
"Dark Side of the Moon Beach"...oh, how I LOVE that Moon Beach!!!! Todd shows just how much he's changed. Can anyone save him before it's too late? And Lila learns how to live like the rest of us.
I think I pretty much covered this at the end of my last post...
Recap:
Surprise, surprise, Jess has crashed the Jeep yet again!!! As usual, she needs to come up with $200 to cover the repairs. Yet, she's at the Moon Beach, spending her parents' hard-earned money despite the fact that she eats like 6 meals a day at home, plus snacks. Win suggests that she quit with the gluttony and the bitching about her finances. Actually, he suggests she get a JOB (LOL!!!!), but I liked my version better.
Speaking of people spending money, Bruce's dad has recently bought him the Moon Beach. (Yay, Moon Beach!!! I like it even better now!!!) And thus, Bruce is now Win's BOSS!!!! Which means, Winston = Bruce's slave!!!! (No not THAT kind of slave...dirty, filthy-minded reader!!!!)
Sadly, we must now check in with the Other Side. Liz and Enid are in the billiards room. Enid is absolutely without a doubt the stupidest person on Earth. She thinks that the pool cue chalk is eyeshadow. Dumbass. Liz isn't listening to her incessant babblings, however, she's still moping over -you guessed it!!!- Todd. Cheryl is sick of this shit, so she devises a secret plan to help Liz get over it for good...
Back to Bruce!!!! Bruce is obsessed with turning the MB into a profit machine!!! Jess, also needing some profit, suggests a partnership. Jess wants to throw a bunch of themed parties at the MB, and Bruce agrees to pay her $50 per party. Jess's first action as partner is to suggest firing Winston, and Bruce agrees.
Damnit!!!! That was just getting interesting!!!! Now we're back to the Losers. They're riding in a convertible, and Enid is in the back, screaming like she's never ridden in a car before. I don't think I have ever been THAT excited in my life... You can totally tell Cheryl wants to punch her face in. Enid quits screaming long enough to pull out some car games. She has checkers!!!! And some other lame shit, but Cheryl isn't having it!!!! She tosses Enid's crap out the window, and I now want Cheryl to marry me!!!!
Back at the Moon Beach, Jess has hired Win's replacement. His name is Chad, and he's hot. Of course, he's also an idiot. He gives $25 change for a $10!!!! Jess is throwing a huge party at the MB TONIGHT!!!! This should be good...
NOOOO!!!! We're back to Liz/Cheryl/Eeny!!!! NOOOOO!!!! Enid even makes LIZ seem tolerable, damnit!!!! Cheryl's Big Secret Surprise Plan is camping at Devil's Canyon!!!! Wow, I was hoping for a spa weekend, or even a few days at a nice hotel... WTF, Cheryl/Tatyanna/Whoever the hell you want to be today?
Oh thank god, we're now back at the MB!!! I'm sorry to report that Jess's promo party is failing miserably. Jess was supposed to mail out the invites (damn, how long has Liz been gone?) but instead she put them in the recycling bin, thinking it was a mailbox. Easy enough mistake, I guess!!! Jess promises that next time it will be a million times better, and Bruce tells her that it HAS to be or else his dad is shutting down the MB!!!! Oh shit!!!! Bruce blames Jess for fucking everything up, and I think he's responsible for at least a LITTLE of the blame. He should have known what he was getting into when he hired Jess. Luckily, Jess seems to have like 6 other events planned that same day, and we get a MONTAGE! of this. There's a heavy metal pancake breakfast, and a creepy mime party. Of course, all are epic fails. Looks like the Moon Beach is fucked!!!!
Meanwhile, in the woods, Cheryl has "accidentally" pushed Enid off of a cliff...oh wait, wishful thinking!!!! Instead, Cheryl has built a fire and Liz is clutching a box containing all of Todd's stuff. Cheryl wants her to burn it (like in CLUELESS!!!!!), and Enid is STILL being annoying as hell. You can totally tell that Cheryl wants something really bad to happen to her, and even Liz is slightly annoyed. Liz is scared to burn all of the stuff because she isn't ready to forget Todd yet. (Probably because we still have like 2 1/2 seasons to go!!!!)
Flashing back to the MB yet again, Bruce is still failing. The place is empty as hell, and Jess is wondering why nobody showed up to the fondue party. Suddenly, a large crowd rushes in and demands burgers. They don't want fondue, so Jess and Bruce are SOL, and Jess suggests keeping the MB the way it was. Bruce agrees that it was perfect the way it used to be (like, yesterday!!!! or maybe the day before...) and he begs Jess to help him cook for the customers. Jess has had enough (and also made enough from her failed parties) and she quits, taking hottie Chad with her. Amazingly, we get ANOTHER MONTAGE! Two-for-one!!!! Hells yeah!!! Bruce is working his ass off, and he really sucks at it. The crowd starts to chant and Bruce screams in frustration.
At the camping spot, Enid is STILL babbling. SHUT UP!!!! SHUT UP!!!! You contribute NOTHING!!!! And I am losing what remains of my sanity listening to you!!!! I wish YOU had been riding with Liz on Jungle Prom Night!!!! Everybody decides to go to sleep, and Liz falls asleep holding a picture of Todd.
I really should have done this episode "A-plot"/"B-plot" style. I hate switching back and forth, and these plots are seemingly parallel!!!! Back at the MB (again, *sigh*) Bruce is cleaning up his mess. Win comes in to collect his final check, and Bruce begs him to come back. And then something amazing happens- the YouTube glitches and skips forward to the very end. Hopefully I didn't miss anything important!!! It doesn't appear so, because the episode ends with everything being resolved somehow. Jess even manages to fix the Jeep, but she lets Chad drive it afterwards and he crashes it AGAIN!!!! I wonder how much Mr. W. pays for car insurance every month?
****The SarahLynn Summary****
*Bruce now owns the Moon Beach, and Winston.
*Liz is not over Todd.
*Jess has seriously bad luck with that damn Jeep!!!!
Next Time on SVH TV:
"Dark Side of the Moon Beach"...oh, how I LOVE that Moon Beach!!!! Todd shows just how much he's changed. Can anyone save him before it's too late? And Lila learns how to live like the rest of us.
Monday, May 16, 2011
SVH TV (Season 2, Episode 2) - "Model Behavior"
Intro:
It's the first day of school (again) in Sweet Valley!!!! And there's a new student... Plus, Black Carl (who is hereby known simply as "Carl", due to the name change of Crazy Carl in "Kidnapped") returns!!!!
Recap:
Like I said, it's the first day of school at SVH. Liz is still all mopey over Todd's recent personality transplant, and Jess is getting sick of her whining 24/7. Lila runs up and announces that SVH has a new student, and she's -wait for it- A SUPERMODEL!!!!! Her name is Tatyanna Thomas, and she's really pretty. Even I think she's hot!!!!
The new Bruce (and his super weird posture...) saunter right up to Tatyanna and hits on her. She rejects him and acts really bitchy towards everybody. Nobody realizes how bitchy she's being, they just keep gawking at her and worshiping the ground her Jimmy Choos walk on. Seriously, girl just wants to be NORMAL and they're all treating her like some sort of freak show. Winston even goes so far as to snap pics of her as she tries to walk to class. CARL is also there (and I hope against hope that the writers do NOT make them a couple based solely on the fact that they have similar skin tones, but I can already see it coming) and even he's joining the effort to alienate this poor girl. Rumors are already flying around about how hot and sophisticated Tatyanna is. Seriously, this girl arrived like 30 seconds ago and she's all anybody can talk about. It's sad. Tatyanna proves right away that she isn't just a pretty face, she's also BRILLIANT!!!! She even corrects LIZ in class...WOW!!!! I like her!!!!
Tatyanna caps off her horrible day by visiting -where else?- the MOON BEACH!!!! (Yay, Moon Beach!!! Oh, how I have missed you and your neon awesomeness!!!!) Everybody continues to stare at her and she ignores all of them. Todd is in the backroom, brooding over the newly-installed pool tables. Tatyanna asks him to play a game with her (since he's the only one who has failed to acknowledge her existence) and he accepts. They have a nice, normal talk, and Tatyanna enjoys herself. She even lets Todd run her lucky charm (in a non-sexual way, of course). As is typical, Liz walks in right in the midst of all this, makes an incorrect assumption, and leaves quickly. Jess and Lila stay behind and follw Tatyanna around like a couple of creepers. She makes it very clear that she has nothing to say to them and that she is NOT going to be their new BFF.
Jess and Li go home dejected and bitch about how much they hate Tatyanna. Liz joins them and eats an entire tub of licorice (ewww). Liz tries to defend Tatyanna, but Jess informs her that Tatyanna was all over Todd after Liz left. (Of course, it wasn't really like that, but Liz is still making stupid assumptions so she believes it.) Jess and Lila decide to do some "research" on Tatyanna in back issues of Seventeen magazine. (Two episodes in a row!!!! Seventeen must have paid BIG money for that!!!!) They discover that, whenever Tatyanna's place of birth is mentioned, it's different in every article!!!! WTF??? Luckily, Lila has a friend who knows Tatyanna and is willing to give them some info...
At school, Win continues to stalk Tatyanna, and Liz is still worrying about Tatyanna and Todd. (I'm not so sure it's TATYANNA that you should be worried about, Lizzie.) Mr. Collins doesn't help the situation when he suggests that Liz interview Tatyanna for the Oracle. (Damn, even the teachers are on this girl!!!!) Liz has her doubts, but Mr. Collins gives HER a shoulder-pat and Liz agrees to give it a try. Of course, Tatyanna is trying to be NORMAL and the last thing she wants is a cover story for the Oracle, so she refuses to let Liz interview her. All this time, Winston and Manny are STILL stalking Tatyanna. Winston is determined to get a pic of her, and he makes Manny pose for practice photos. It's...bizarre, and he tells Manny to "look sexy". Okay then.
Jess and Lila have finally received their info on the REAL Tatyanna. They corner the poor girl in the bathroom and basically wave it in her face just because they can. Seriously, I really feel bad for this girl!!!! No wonder she likes hanging out with Todd, he's the only person who doesn't treat her like she's a freak. Tatyanna tells them to fuck off and she storms out of the bathroom. Win snaps a pic as she opens the door...what an asshole!!!! Tatyanna is awesome- she breaks Win's film!!!! Jess and Lila come out ready for revenge!!!! (Although I'm still not fully clear as to why they are doing this...what are they going to gain from this?) It seems that Tatyanna was born in Arkansas and her real name is Cheryl. (OMG, Cheryl Thomas? As in, the girl who dated Steven and then they broke up because he was white or something equally closed-minded? Easy Annie's stepsister?) And -guess what!!!!- Cheryl/Tatyanna doesn't give a shit that her "secret" is exposed!!!! She just wants to live a normal life!!!! She's sick of all this attention and people treating her like her shit doesn't stink!!!! She proceeds to clarify this for Jess and Li before running off. Liz shakes her finger at Jess and Li and follows Tatyanna/Cheryl. She asks why Tatyanna is so upset. (Ummm, duh, Liz!!!! Obviously Liz isn't paying attention today!!!!) Tatyanna/Cheryl explains everything to Liz real slowly, and also tells her that she really was NOT interested in Todd. She just wanted a friend, like a REAL friend. She tells Liz that she understands why she was upset, and that Todd is a great guy- but SO not her type. She decides to give friendship a try with Liz, and even agrees to do the stupid Oracle interview!!! The episode ends with her telling Liz to call her "Cheryl".
****The SarahLynn Summary****
*I'm sure Cheryl/Tatyanna will get over Jess and Lila's bitchiness and be their friend by the next episode.
*Whatever happened to Nicholas Morrow? And Koichi? I liked those guys.
*I still hate the new Bruce, but the new Todd is kind of growing on me.
*Cheryl is really, really pretty, but that does NOT make it okay to STALK her...Winston, I am speaking to YOU!!!!
*I don't think Enid was in this episode at all. I liked that.
Next Time on SVH TV:
Jess wrecks the Jeep (again), Bruce buys the Moon Beach, and Liz goes camping with Enid.
It's the first day of school (again) in Sweet Valley!!!! And there's a new student... Plus, Black Carl (who is hereby known simply as "Carl", due to the name change of Crazy Carl in "Kidnapped") returns!!!!
Recap:
Like I said, it's the first day of school at SVH. Liz is still all mopey over Todd's recent personality transplant, and Jess is getting sick of her whining 24/7. Lila runs up and announces that SVH has a new student, and she's -wait for it- A SUPERMODEL!!!!! Her name is Tatyanna Thomas, and she's really pretty. Even I think she's hot!!!!
The new Bruce (and his super weird posture...) saunter right up to Tatyanna and hits on her. She rejects him and acts really bitchy towards everybody. Nobody realizes how bitchy she's being, they just keep gawking at her and worshiping the ground her Jimmy Choos walk on. Seriously, girl just wants to be NORMAL and they're all treating her like some sort of freak show. Winston even goes so far as to snap pics of her as she tries to walk to class. CARL is also there (and I hope against hope that the writers do NOT make them a couple based solely on the fact that they have similar skin tones, but I can already see it coming) and even he's joining the effort to alienate this poor girl. Rumors are already flying around about how hot and sophisticated Tatyanna is. Seriously, this girl arrived like 30 seconds ago and she's all anybody can talk about. It's sad. Tatyanna proves right away that she isn't just a pretty face, she's also BRILLIANT!!!! She even corrects LIZ in class...WOW!!!! I like her!!!!
Tatyanna caps off her horrible day by visiting -where else?- the MOON BEACH!!!! (Yay, Moon Beach!!! Oh, how I have missed you and your neon awesomeness!!!!) Everybody continues to stare at her and she ignores all of them. Todd is in the backroom, brooding over the newly-installed pool tables. Tatyanna asks him to play a game with her (since he's the only one who has failed to acknowledge her existence) and he accepts. They have a nice, normal talk, and Tatyanna enjoys herself. She even lets Todd run her lucky charm (in a non-sexual way, of course). As is typical, Liz walks in right in the midst of all this, makes an incorrect assumption, and leaves quickly. Jess and Lila stay behind and follw Tatyanna around like a couple of creepers. She makes it very clear that she has nothing to say to them and that she is NOT going to be their new BFF.
Jess and Li go home dejected and bitch about how much they hate Tatyanna. Liz joins them and eats an entire tub of licorice (ewww). Liz tries to defend Tatyanna, but Jess informs her that Tatyanna was all over Todd after Liz left. (Of course, it wasn't really like that, but Liz is still making stupid assumptions so she believes it.) Jess and Lila decide to do some "research" on Tatyanna in back issues of Seventeen magazine. (Two episodes in a row!!!! Seventeen must have paid BIG money for that!!!!) They discover that, whenever Tatyanna's place of birth is mentioned, it's different in every article!!!! WTF??? Luckily, Lila has a friend who knows Tatyanna and is willing to give them some info...
At school, Win continues to stalk Tatyanna, and Liz is still worrying about Tatyanna and Todd. (I'm not so sure it's TATYANNA that you should be worried about, Lizzie.) Mr. Collins doesn't help the situation when he suggests that Liz interview Tatyanna for the Oracle. (Damn, even the teachers are on this girl!!!!) Liz has her doubts, but Mr. Collins gives HER a shoulder-pat and Liz agrees to give it a try. Of course, Tatyanna is trying to be NORMAL and the last thing she wants is a cover story for the Oracle, so she refuses to let Liz interview her. All this time, Winston and Manny are STILL stalking Tatyanna. Winston is determined to get a pic of her, and he makes Manny pose for practice photos. It's...bizarre, and he tells Manny to "look sexy". Okay then.
Jess and Lila have finally received their info on the REAL Tatyanna. They corner the poor girl in the bathroom and basically wave it in her face just because they can. Seriously, I really feel bad for this girl!!!! No wonder she likes hanging out with Todd, he's the only person who doesn't treat her like she's a freak. Tatyanna tells them to fuck off and she storms out of the bathroom. Win snaps a pic as she opens the door...what an asshole!!!! Tatyanna is awesome- she breaks Win's film!!!! Jess and Lila come out ready for revenge!!!! (Although I'm still not fully clear as to why they are doing this...what are they going to gain from this?) It seems that Tatyanna was born in Arkansas and her real name is Cheryl. (OMG, Cheryl Thomas? As in, the girl who dated Steven and then they broke up because he was white or something equally closed-minded? Easy Annie's stepsister?) And -guess what!!!!- Cheryl/Tatyanna doesn't give a shit that her "secret" is exposed!!!! She just wants to live a normal life!!!! She's sick of all this attention and people treating her like her shit doesn't stink!!!! She proceeds to clarify this for Jess and Li before running off. Liz shakes her finger at Jess and Li and follows Tatyanna/Cheryl. She asks why Tatyanna is so upset. (Ummm, duh, Liz!!!! Obviously Liz isn't paying attention today!!!!) Tatyanna/Cheryl explains everything to Liz real slowly, and also tells her that she really was NOT interested in Todd. She just wanted a friend, like a REAL friend. She tells Liz that she understands why she was upset, and that Todd is a great guy- but SO not her type. She decides to give friendship a try with Liz, and even agrees to do the stupid Oracle interview!!! The episode ends with her telling Liz to call her "Cheryl".
****The SarahLynn Summary****
*I'm sure Cheryl/Tatyanna will get over Jess and Lila's bitchiness and be their friend by the next episode.
*Whatever happened to Nicholas Morrow? And Koichi? I liked those guys.
*I still hate the new Bruce, but the new Todd is kind of growing on me.
*Cheryl is really, really pretty, but that does NOT make it okay to STALK her...Winston, I am speaking to YOU!!!!
*I don't think Enid was in this episode at all. I liked that.
Next Time on SVH TV:
Jess wrecks the Jeep (again), Bruce buys the Moon Beach, and Liz goes camping with Enid.
SVH TV (Season 2, Episode 1) - "Summer Lovin"
Intro:
Well, we survived season one!!!! Apparently, despite season one's timeline ending somewhere around October, we have now arrived at September yet again. Summer is winding down, and the new school year promises to be full of change and new beginnings. There's even a new theme song!!!! (No, not the song itself, just new shots of the characters...and a NEW BRUCE.) I'm not so sure how I feel about this Bruce replacement, but I guess I have to deal with it because the episode is starting...
Recap:
The episode begins with a bunch of people frolicking on the beach. It's the '90's, so there's an abundance of NEON!!!! And those terribly high-waisted, high-cut bikinis are scaring me!!!! Liz is leading some sort of beach cleanup while wearing a bikini that looks like something my grandmother (rest her soul) would wear. I watched this episode last week, and I'm going off notes here. My actual notes say: "Gramma bikini, UGLY, with a skirt for the bottoms", but yet I failed to describe the pattern, so I apologize. She's also changed her hair, and I kind of like what she did with her bangs. Jess is also there, and she's trying to force Liz into having some fun. I did think Jess's bikini was important enough to describe, apparently. It's a red and white gingham print with shorts for the bottom. I remember when those style bottoms were popular, I had like 12 different halter top/shirts bathing suits!!!! Those were awesome, but I prefer monokinis these days. Anyways, Jess is trying to convince Liz to be on her team for the Beach Olympics. Liz isn't as excited as Jess, because Bruce always wins and she and Jess always get 10th place.
I really am having trouble accepting this New Bruce. He's not half as hot as last season's B-Patz!!!! *Sigh*
Liz takes a break from her beach cleaning and reads an issue of Seventeen with Enid. (NOOOO!!!) I really can't picture Liz reading that trash -let alone taking a LOVE QUIZ- so I'm going to guess that Seventeen is the newest sponsor of this fine show. Welcome aboard, Seventeen!!! Winston comes running up to them, practically about to explode with happiness, and announces that Todd is back!!!! Liz didn't even know he was coming (he forgot to call...uh-oh) and she's shocked when he shows up to the beach party.
Meanwhile, Jess and Lila are drooling over the "hot" new lifeguard, Josh. Joshy-Boy just so happens to be the judge of the Beach Olympics, so Jess and Li are working their magic. "Bruce" pops up and tells Jess that she'll be losing the Beach Olympics (which I REALLY wish I could abbreviate, but "B.O."...no). Bruce is kind of flirting with Jess, and she's kind of flirting back. I wonder what this season has in store...
The Beach Olympics begin, and we get the first MONTAGE! of season two!!!! Jess helps her team win by cheating, and she seems oddly obsessed with what Bruce is doing. I wish they would just hurry up and makeout. In the midst of the Beach Olympics, Todd and Liz find time to talk. (Todd also has a new hairstyle, and he's still ugly.) Todd is moving back to Sweet Valley!!!! But he won't tell Liz why, and she thinks he's acting shady.
Bruce and Jess continue to bicker re. the Beach Olympics. (Yes, I said "bicker"!!!!) There's an obstacle course event coming up, and Bruce is sure he's going to win. Lila comes in and yells at Jess because she got sunburned using Jess's sunblock, which was only SPF 2. None of that was really necessary to the story, but the next few minutes are really lame, so I was just trying to spice up this recap with a little gratuitous Bruce and Lila action.
Now on to the lameness...Liz is back to hanging out with Enid. Stupid Eeny is bubbling in her annoying little voice about how nice it must be to have a boyfriend, and how she wants one (what happened to the Teen HelpLine guy?) and I really wish I could punch her for being such a squeaky little pest. Liz whines about how weird Todd has been acting lately, and how he's changed. In the midst of all this, Winston and Manny are sitting together. Manny appears to have some weird vision problems in this episode because everything gets all fuzzy and changes into random stuff...this time, the world becomes Gilligan's Island. I have no idea what they were trying to do here...doesn't make sense at all.
Moving on, Jess cheats her way to Beach Olympics victory, but her happiness is short-lived. Josh the lifeguard knows that both she and Bruce cheated, so he declares them both losers. Karma is a bitch, I guess. Liz is still moping about Todd, so she goes and tries to talk to him. She finds out that he only came back to Sweet Valley because he got kicked out of Fairmont Academy. What? Why? When? DETAILS!!!!! Sadly, that's all we get, except for the fact that Todd is now a high school dropout. Oh shit!!!!
Back at the beach party, Josh the lifeguard is giving Lila a foot rub. Ummm...okay, if you're into that sort of thing, I guess. Jess and Bruce are sitting by the bonfire and STILL fighting. Jess suddenly kisses him and they're both taken aback by it. Jess quickly says that it will never happen again, because she hates him. Ok then, thanks for saving me from that foot rub nastiness!!!
Liz and Todd are STILL talking. Todd is upset that he blew his chance. And, since he's no longer Todd the basketball superstar, he has no idea who he is or what he's doing with his life. (Dude, you're like 17...talk to me when you're 25.) Liz tries to understand what he's going through, but he isn't up for dealing with her meddling efforts, so he dumps her ass!!!! Sweet!!!! I bet she wishes she'd hooked up with Nicholas while he was gone. Liz joins Jess beside the fire and the two share a sisterly moment. Together, they can conquer the world AND the new school year!!!!
****The SarahLynn Summary****
*Bruce and Jess have some repressed sexual tensions between them...
*Todd came back. He's a loser now.
*Enid still pisses me off, and I think this episode was trying to tell me that Manny may be interested in her. I have no clue why he would be.
*I hate the new Bruce. Where did the old one go?
*Why did Todd get kicked out of school? My guess is that it was because he actually sucked at basketball, and nobody noticed because everybody in Sweet Valley sucked as well, but when he got to Vermont it became obvious...
Well, we survived season one!!!! Apparently, despite season one's timeline ending somewhere around October, we have now arrived at September yet again. Summer is winding down, and the new school year promises to be full of change and new beginnings. There's even a new theme song!!!! (No, not the song itself, just new shots of the characters...and a NEW BRUCE.) I'm not so sure how I feel about this Bruce replacement, but I guess I have to deal with it because the episode is starting...
Recap:
The episode begins with a bunch of people frolicking on the beach. It's the '90's, so there's an abundance of NEON!!!! And those terribly high-waisted, high-cut bikinis are scaring me!!!! Liz is leading some sort of beach cleanup while wearing a bikini that looks like something my grandmother (rest her soul) would wear. I watched this episode last week, and I'm going off notes here. My actual notes say: "Gramma bikini, UGLY, with a skirt for the bottoms", but yet I failed to describe the pattern, so I apologize. She's also changed her hair, and I kind of like what she did with her bangs. Jess is also there, and she's trying to force Liz into having some fun. I did think Jess's bikini was important enough to describe, apparently. It's a red and white gingham print with shorts for the bottom. I remember when those style bottoms were popular, I had like 12 different halter top/shirts bathing suits!!!! Those were awesome, but I prefer monokinis these days. Anyways, Jess is trying to convince Liz to be on her team for the Beach Olympics. Liz isn't as excited as Jess, because Bruce always wins and she and Jess always get 10th place.
I really am having trouble accepting this New Bruce. He's not half as hot as last season's B-Patz!!!! *Sigh*
Liz takes a break from her beach cleaning and reads an issue of Seventeen with Enid. (NOOOO!!!) I really can't picture Liz reading that trash -let alone taking a LOVE QUIZ- so I'm going to guess that Seventeen is the newest sponsor of this fine show. Welcome aboard, Seventeen!!! Winston comes running up to them, practically about to explode with happiness, and announces that Todd is back!!!! Liz didn't even know he was coming (he forgot to call...uh-oh) and she's shocked when he shows up to the beach party.
Meanwhile, Jess and Lila are drooling over the "hot" new lifeguard, Josh. Joshy-Boy just so happens to be the judge of the Beach Olympics, so Jess and Li are working their magic. "Bruce" pops up and tells Jess that she'll be losing the Beach Olympics (which I REALLY wish I could abbreviate, but "B.O."...no). Bruce is kind of flirting with Jess, and she's kind of flirting back. I wonder what this season has in store...
The Beach Olympics begin, and we get the first MONTAGE! of season two!!!! Jess helps her team win by cheating, and she seems oddly obsessed with what Bruce is doing. I wish they would just hurry up and makeout. In the midst of the Beach Olympics, Todd and Liz find time to talk. (Todd also has a new hairstyle, and he's still ugly.) Todd is moving back to Sweet Valley!!!! But he won't tell Liz why, and she thinks he's acting shady.
Bruce and Jess continue to bicker re. the Beach Olympics. (Yes, I said "bicker"!!!!) There's an obstacle course event coming up, and Bruce is sure he's going to win. Lila comes in and yells at Jess because she got sunburned using Jess's sunblock, which was only SPF 2. None of that was really necessary to the story, but the next few minutes are really lame, so I was just trying to spice up this recap with a little gratuitous Bruce and Lila action.
Now on to the lameness...Liz is back to hanging out with Enid. Stupid Eeny is bubbling in her annoying little voice about how nice it must be to have a boyfriend, and how she wants one (what happened to the Teen HelpLine guy?) and I really wish I could punch her for being such a squeaky little pest. Liz whines about how weird Todd has been acting lately, and how he's changed. In the midst of all this, Winston and Manny are sitting together. Manny appears to have some weird vision problems in this episode because everything gets all fuzzy and changes into random stuff...this time, the world becomes Gilligan's Island. I have no idea what they were trying to do here...doesn't make sense at all.
Moving on, Jess cheats her way to Beach Olympics victory, but her happiness is short-lived. Josh the lifeguard knows that both she and Bruce cheated, so he declares them both losers. Karma is a bitch, I guess. Liz is still moping about Todd, so she goes and tries to talk to him. She finds out that he only came back to Sweet Valley because he got kicked out of Fairmont Academy. What? Why? When? DETAILS!!!!! Sadly, that's all we get, except for the fact that Todd is now a high school dropout. Oh shit!!!!
Back at the beach party, Josh the lifeguard is giving Lila a foot rub. Ummm...okay, if you're into that sort of thing, I guess. Jess and Bruce are sitting by the bonfire and STILL fighting. Jess suddenly kisses him and they're both taken aback by it. Jess quickly says that it will never happen again, because she hates him. Ok then, thanks for saving me from that foot rub nastiness!!!
Liz and Todd are STILL talking. Todd is upset that he blew his chance. And, since he's no longer Todd the basketball superstar, he has no idea who he is or what he's doing with his life. (Dude, you're like 17...talk to me when you're 25.) Liz tries to understand what he's going through, but he isn't up for dealing with her meddling efforts, so he dumps her ass!!!! Sweet!!!! I bet she wishes she'd hooked up with Nicholas while he was gone. Liz joins Jess beside the fire and the two share a sisterly moment. Together, they can conquer the world AND the new school year!!!!
****The SarahLynn Summary****
*Bruce and Jess have some repressed sexual tensions between them...
*Todd came back. He's a loser now.
*Enid still pisses me off, and I think this episode was trying to tell me that Manny may be interested in her. I have no clue why he would be.
*I hate the new Bruce. Where did the old one go?
*Why did Todd get kicked out of school? My guess is that it was because he actually sucked at basketball, and nobody noticed because everybody in Sweet Valley sucked as well, but when he got to Vermont it became obvious...
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Top Five Season One Moments
Intro:
In honor of me FINALLY finishing season one, I decided to resurrect my favorite style of post- The Top Five!!!!
5. Jessica's Leopard Bikini ("Skin and Bones")
(YouTube)
It would be wrong of me not to include this! She is SO HOTT in that scene, plus it's a MONTAGE! Like, I fell in love with this girl watching this. Amazing.
4. KURT RAMBIS ("Club X")
Watching this back in the day, I had no idea who Kurt Rambis was. I was more of a baseball girl and he -obviously- played basketball, so I didn't fully appreciate it for what it was. When I re-watched it (a mere 2 hours after seeing Kurt in person!), I was pleasantly surprised. Even the BF was a little blown away by it, and that's pretty rare. Sadly, I never got my DVD signed, but at least I had a good laugh every time I saw him after this!!! Plus, I was super impressed that he beat THE Todd Wilkins (in the form of a MONTAGE!, of course). I informed him of this, and he smiled slightly, probably remembering how he got to meet BRUCE!!!
3. Liz's Motorcycle Accident ("Coma")
As many of you know, I detest Elizabeth Wakefield for many reasons. This episode made season one a little more tolerable. I liked that Liz slept through most of it (and got in an accident!) and that she woke up almost as cool as the rest of us. Her and Bruce making out in 1BRUCE1 was one of the high points thus far. Too bad she had to go and ruin it by returning to normal Liz.
2. "Uh-Oh Seven"
Initially, I hated this episode. I found it boring and confusing back when I first saw it (and when I re-watched it after the DVD came out), but I have since became a fan of James Bond. Basically, this episode was a rip-off of a couple Bond movies (with names changed slightly), and there was lots of BRUCE!!! Plus, it featured Liz writing the episode as a story, so she was barely in it. Jess looked SUPER hot, and she was the star of the episode. Also, I had lots of fun looking up the characters from the Bond films (Octopussy = OctoPatti, Gold Fowler = Goldfinger, ect.) and matching them to Liz's rip-offs. And did I mention BRUCE?!?!
and my #1 moment...
1. "Kidnapped"
It just doesn't get any better than a three-part episode, unless it involves Liz being bound and gagged!!! Throw in some random Bruce action, a crazed psycho, Nicholas Morrow, AND THREE MONTAGES!!!, and you have what is simply...THE BEST EPISODE EVER!!! All of the elements combined in perfect alignment to produce a very dramatic, action-packed "total 9-1-1"!!! Even if it didn't follow the book correctly (Carl/Peter/Whatever), I can get past that and enjoy this episode for wit's many redeeming elements.
****A Look Into The Future****
*Todd returns, and all hell breaks loose.
*Totally unnecessary scenes featuring Liz and Jess in bikinis!!!
*Jess has a new love interest.
*SarahLynn tries desperately not to throw stuff at the screen every time Enid is in a scene.
*About 237 parties.
AND........
*A NEW BRUCE!!!!!
In honor of me FINALLY finishing season one, I decided to resurrect my favorite style of post- The Top Five!!!!
5. Jessica's Leopard Bikini ("Skin and Bones")
(YouTube)
It would be wrong of me not to include this! She is SO HOTT in that scene, plus it's a MONTAGE! Like, I fell in love with this girl watching this. Amazing.
4. KURT RAMBIS ("Club X")
Watching this back in the day, I had no idea who Kurt Rambis was. I was more of a baseball girl and he -obviously- played basketball, so I didn't fully appreciate it for what it was. When I re-watched it (a mere 2 hours after seeing Kurt in person!), I was pleasantly surprised. Even the BF was a little blown away by it, and that's pretty rare. Sadly, I never got my DVD signed, but at least I had a good laugh every time I saw him after this!!! Plus, I was super impressed that he beat THE Todd Wilkins (in the form of a MONTAGE!, of course). I informed him of this, and he smiled slightly, probably remembering how he got to meet BRUCE!!!
3. Liz's Motorcycle Accident ("Coma")
As many of you know, I detest Elizabeth Wakefield for many reasons. This episode made season one a little more tolerable. I liked that Liz slept through most of it (and got in an accident!) and that she woke up almost as cool as the rest of us. Her and Bruce making out in 1BRUCE1 was one of the high points thus far. Too bad she had to go and ruin it by returning to normal Liz.
2. "Uh-Oh Seven"
Initially, I hated this episode. I found it boring and confusing back when I first saw it (and when I re-watched it after the DVD came out), but I have since became a fan of James Bond. Basically, this episode was a rip-off of a couple Bond movies (with names changed slightly), and there was lots of BRUCE!!! Plus, it featured Liz writing the episode as a story, so she was barely in it. Jess looked SUPER hot, and she was the star of the episode. Also, I had lots of fun looking up the characters from the Bond films (Octopussy = OctoPatti, Gold Fowler = Goldfinger, ect.) and matching them to Liz's rip-offs. And did I mention BRUCE?!?!
and my #1 moment...
1. "Kidnapped"
It just doesn't get any better than a three-part episode, unless it involves Liz being bound and gagged!!! Throw in some random Bruce action, a crazed psycho, Nicholas Morrow, AND THREE MONTAGES!!!, and you have what is simply...THE BEST EPISODE EVER!!! All of the elements combined in perfect alignment to produce a very dramatic, action-packed "total 9-1-1"!!! Even if it didn't follow the book correctly (Carl/Peter/Whatever), I can get past that and enjoy this episode for wit's many redeeming elements.
****A Look Into The Future****
*Todd returns, and all hell breaks loose.
*Totally unnecessary scenes featuring Liz and Jess in bikinis!!!
*Jess has a new love interest.
*SarahLynn tries desperately not to throw stuff at the screen every time Enid is in a scene.
*About 237 parties.
AND........
*A NEW BRUCE!!!!!
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Great TV Viewing (Season 1 , Episode 22) - "Say Goodbye"
Intro:
We've FINALLY reached the end of the first season! Of course, I'm about halfway through season two on YouTube, so it's not the end of an era or anything just yet. My wrap-up on the entire first season will be posted at some point as well.
If memory serves, the book version of today's episode made it onto my Top Five SVH Moments list. This is the book where Tricia Martin dies, I believe. But, being that the show does not include Tricia OR Steven, I know this will be NOTHING like the book. Lucky for me, as I only read that book once. It was, however, part of a weird experience growing up...
The year was 1992 and I was about six years old. My sister and I shared a set of bunkbeds in a house that was built not far from a Native American burial ground (which we NEVER got to have a party on...damn you, SVT, for all your fun adventures!) and all this sacred land. We always thought our house was haunted (I'm not so sure of my beliefs on the subject at this point, but as a child I believed EVERYTHING was haunted, thanks again, SVT!) and one night a few books flew off of the tall bookshelf that was right next to our beds. This book was one of them. The others were 'Steven's Bride' and 'Caroline's Mystery Dolls', and they had been neatly ordered on the shelf. Nothing else was disturbed, but it became a running joke between me and my sister. Because we thought EVERYTHING was hilarious as children, including the paranormal. One of us would "hide" on the top bunk and throw this book when the other walked into the room, yelling "SAY GOODBYE!!!" as we threw. It was funny for whatever reason, and it amused us greatly. Weird, I know.
Okay, now that you all think I'm a complete loser (if you didn't before reading this, that is!), let's get season one finished!!!
Recap:
We begin with Todd talking to the basketball coach. I love basketball!!! And so does Todd. He just got a scholarship to some snobby private school. He's going to be the new starting forward!!! (They only start ONE?!? Don't most teams start TWO? I think so.) But -there's always a BUT- the school is in VERMONT!!! Todd discusses it with Winston at the Moon Beach, and Win thinks Liz will understand. Apparently, Fairmont Academy has produced more NBA hopefuls than any other school. (And Google says it's in CALIFORNIA, I think Todd is LYING!!!!) If I were Todd, I would have gone to Oak Hill, just sayin'.
Todd goes to tell Liz and finds her at (surprise!) the Moon Beach. WITH Nicholas Morrow!!! Todd's upset that Nicholas is already moving in on Liz, but he's running late and has to go pack for his new school. Liz is mad that Todd hasn't had time to spend with her, so he promises to spend the following night with her. Alone. Holding hands and making out, I imagine. Win announces that he is throwing Todd a going away party that same night. Oh shit!!!
Liz talks to her parents during the commercial, and they allow her to go visit Todd for Thanksgiving, which is like a month away (WOW, judging from my TV timeline, they've been in school for about SIX months and it's STILL only October? Weird). Why she even bothered to ask, I have no idea. They didn't seem to care when Todd moved in or when she AND Jess got kidnapped or when they had that party with Leonardo DiCaprio in The Basketball Diaries... Todd isn't thrilled, so Liz says she'll come for Christmas instead, but Todd says he'll be really busy with the basketball season for like forever. Liz doesn't take the hint and she gives Todd a really ugly framed photo of herself. It's REALLY not her best photo, he would probably have been happier if it was a pic of JESS!!! Liz promises that nothing will change between them.
Win throws his Moon Beach party and Enid drags Liz to it. She tells Liz to focus on the food and not cry. I. HATE. ENID. Seriously!!! Of course, Bruce has to tell Liz how HOTT the Fairmont Academy girls are rumored to be. Todd doesn't help matters. He's too busy working the room to even say hello to Liz. She talks to Nicholas instead and tries to pull Todd away from everybody. So they can go to Miller's Point and hold hands and kiss, I guess. Winston isn't having that. He quickly jumps up and makes a toast in Todd's honor. It involves something about a Mork and Mindy lunchbox, whatever THAT means... (*Googling*) Bottom line: Everybody will miss Todd a lot and Liz is pissed that she has to share Todd. I would think she would be used to that by now... Liz screams at Todd and they fight. Todd thinks she's hooking up with Nicholas, and Liz thinks he's ignoring her. And SarahLynn could care less. Where's Jessica?!?! And BRUCE? Todd goes back to his party and Liz goes home.
Two weeks pass and Jess finally shows up! She's decided it's time for Liz to date again. She pimps Liz out to every guy at school, and tries to flirt with Nicholas. Of course, Nicholas likes LIZ, not Jess. He asks Liz out for a boating date and Jess is very unhappy about this.
Of course, we HAVE to have a revenge-driven subplot. Jess decides that she'll call Todd and lure him home. Then he will find Liz and Nicholas. Somehow, Jess thinks this will end with Nicholas in her arms. I fail to see her logic for the 137th time. Lila does as well. She knows this plan will backfire, and it does.
Todd flies home at rapid speed and arrives in time to see Liz and Nicholas returning home. He promptly leaves upon seeing this and Liz chases after him. Jess is left alone with Nicholas and she makes her move. He promptly rejects her.
Liz finds him at the pier with Winston. Winston leaves them alone (FINALLY!) and Liz explains. It all ends with Todd wanting to move back. Liz refuses to let him ruin his basketball playing opportunity, but she does get him all to herself for the weekend. Yay, I guess?
Even grosser is the MONTAGE! Lots of Liz and Todd moments. And kissing. Ewwww, that's really too much!!! I could have done without the montage this time...
Todd gets on the plane to Vermont and promises to make it work with Liz. Liz randomly runs into Nicholas, who JUST HAPPENED to be hanging out at the airport... She agrees to go have lunch with him. Of course, Todd runs off the plane for some reason and witnesses all of this...
****The SarahLynn Summary****
*Always wait until your significant other's plane has taken off to begin dating another guy.
We've FINALLY reached the end of the first season! Of course, I'm about halfway through season two on YouTube, so it's not the end of an era or anything just yet. My wrap-up on the entire first season will be posted at some point as well.
If memory serves, the book version of today's episode made it onto my Top Five SVH Moments list. This is the book where Tricia Martin dies, I believe. But, being that the show does not include Tricia OR Steven, I know this will be NOTHING like the book. Lucky for me, as I only read that book once. It was, however, part of a weird experience growing up...
The year was 1992 and I was about six years old. My sister and I shared a set of bunkbeds in a house that was built not far from a Native American burial ground (which we NEVER got to have a party on...damn you, SVT, for all your fun adventures!) and all this sacred land. We always thought our house was haunted (I'm not so sure of my beliefs on the subject at this point, but as a child I believed EVERYTHING was haunted, thanks again, SVT!) and one night a few books flew off of the tall bookshelf that was right next to our beds. This book was one of them. The others were 'Steven's Bride' and 'Caroline's Mystery Dolls', and they had been neatly ordered on the shelf. Nothing else was disturbed, but it became a running joke between me and my sister. Because we thought EVERYTHING was hilarious as children, including the paranormal. One of us would "hide" on the top bunk and throw this book when the other walked into the room, yelling "SAY GOODBYE!!!" as we threw. It was funny for whatever reason, and it amused us greatly. Weird, I know.
Okay, now that you all think I'm a complete loser (if you didn't before reading this, that is!), let's get season one finished!!!
Recap:
We begin with Todd talking to the basketball coach. I love basketball!!! And so does Todd. He just got a scholarship to some snobby private school. He's going to be the new starting forward!!! (They only start ONE?!? Don't most teams start TWO? I think so.) But -there's always a BUT- the school is in VERMONT!!! Todd discusses it with Winston at the Moon Beach, and Win thinks Liz will understand. Apparently, Fairmont Academy has produced more NBA hopefuls than any other school. (And Google says it's in CALIFORNIA, I think Todd is LYING!!!!) If I were Todd, I would have gone to Oak Hill, just sayin'.
Todd goes to tell Liz and finds her at (surprise!) the Moon Beach. WITH Nicholas Morrow!!! Todd's upset that Nicholas is already moving in on Liz, but he's running late and has to go pack for his new school. Liz is mad that Todd hasn't had time to spend with her, so he promises to spend the following night with her. Alone. Holding hands and making out, I imagine. Win announces that he is throwing Todd a going away party that same night. Oh shit!!!
Liz talks to her parents during the commercial, and they allow her to go visit Todd for Thanksgiving, which is like a month away (WOW, judging from my TV timeline, they've been in school for about SIX months and it's STILL only October? Weird). Why she even bothered to ask, I have no idea. They didn't seem to care when Todd moved in or when she AND Jess got kidnapped or when they had that party with Leonardo DiCaprio in The Basketball Diaries... Todd isn't thrilled, so Liz says she'll come for Christmas instead, but Todd says he'll be really busy with the basketball season for like forever. Liz doesn't take the hint and she gives Todd a really ugly framed photo of herself. It's REALLY not her best photo, he would probably have been happier if it was a pic of JESS!!! Liz promises that nothing will change between them.
Win throws his Moon Beach party and Enid drags Liz to it. She tells Liz to focus on the food and not cry. I. HATE. ENID. Seriously!!! Of course, Bruce has to tell Liz how HOTT the Fairmont Academy girls are rumored to be. Todd doesn't help matters. He's too busy working the room to even say hello to Liz. She talks to Nicholas instead and tries to pull Todd away from everybody. So they can go to Miller's Point and hold hands and kiss, I guess. Winston isn't having that. He quickly jumps up and makes a toast in Todd's honor. It involves something about a Mork and Mindy lunchbox, whatever THAT means... (*Googling*) Bottom line: Everybody will miss Todd a lot and Liz is pissed that she has to share Todd. I would think she would be used to that by now... Liz screams at Todd and they fight. Todd thinks she's hooking up with Nicholas, and Liz thinks he's ignoring her. And SarahLynn could care less. Where's Jessica?!?! And BRUCE? Todd goes back to his party and Liz goes home.
Two weeks pass and Jess finally shows up! She's decided it's time for Liz to date again. She pimps Liz out to every guy at school, and tries to flirt with Nicholas. Of course, Nicholas likes LIZ, not Jess. He asks Liz out for a boating date and Jess is very unhappy about this.
Of course, we HAVE to have a revenge-driven subplot. Jess decides that she'll call Todd and lure him home. Then he will find Liz and Nicholas. Somehow, Jess thinks this will end with Nicholas in her arms. I fail to see her logic for the 137th time. Lila does as well. She knows this plan will backfire, and it does.
Todd flies home at rapid speed and arrives in time to see Liz and Nicholas returning home. He promptly leaves upon seeing this and Liz chases after him. Jess is left alone with Nicholas and she makes her move. He promptly rejects her.
Liz finds him at the pier with Winston. Winston leaves them alone (FINALLY!) and Liz explains. It all ends with Todd wanting to move back. Liz refuses to let him ruin his basketball playing opportunity, but she does get him all to herself for the weekend. Yay, I guess?
Even grosser is the MONTAGE! Lots of Liz and Todd moments. And kissing. Ewwww, that's really too much!!! I could have done without the montage this time...
Todd gets on the plane to Vermont and promises to make it work with Liz. Liz randomly runs into Nicholas, who JUST HAPPENED to be hanging out at the airport... She agrees to go have lunch with him. Of course, Todd runs off the plane for some reason and witnesses all of this...
****The SarahLynn Summary****
*Always wait until your significant other's plane has taken off to begin dating another guy.
Great TV Viewing ( Season 1 , Episodes 19, 20, and 21) - "Kidnapped
Intro:
This was my FAVORITE SVH episode of all time! I had this one on VHS, and my most vivid memory is a promo preview where the TV versions of Jess and Liz introduce this video, which one of them (I forget who) promises is a "total 9-1-1". Oh, the '90's!!!! The VHS also had a special behind-the-scenes feature AND a music video ("Rose Colored Glasses"). I rented this tape from my local video store (Home Video, *RIP*) so many times that the owner eventually ended up giving it to me. I guess nobody else ever rented it except for me and my sister.
Anyways, this episode introduces us to Nicholas Morrow (which actually somewhat resembles what happened in the books!). This is also where I learned what Ether is. And who could forget Crazy Carl?!?!
Recap:
Part One
We begin at the Moon Beach (yay, Moon Beach!), where Winston is desperately hitting up his friends for money. It's his mom's birthday and he's broke. Of course, Liz is full of helpful suggestions. She's also wearing a candy striper outfit. (Why do they call them "candy stripers"? When I was in the hospital, they were simply called "volunteers", and they didn't wear stupid outfits like that...) Apparently, Liz is now working at the hospital (which is NOT called Fowler Memorial...WTF?!?!) and some talk show host is currently recovering there. Of course, Jess is all over this. She dreams of hosting a talk show (again, those crazy '90's!!!), and she is desperate to meet Jeremy Franks (who I think was called Jeremy FRAKES in the book...) but Liz won't hear of it. Liz takes her non-paying job way too seriously, so Jess is left alone to come up with a scheme.
Liz goes to work and tends to the ailing Jeremy. He has a broken leg, and I totally forgot how that happened, if they even bothered to explain it. Anyways, it isn't serious. The studio is on Jeremy's ass about finding a new co-host for his show, "Frankly Speaking". Liz cheers him up by sneaking him a pizza because he hates hospital food. I guess some rules are made to be broken?
Liz leaves Jeremy to eat his dinner in peace. She prances around the hospital and suddenly an orderly crashes his cart into her. Sadly, he doesn't cause any major damage, and Liz apologizes for being in the way. Of course, Liz is the #1 candy striper, so the charge nurse yells at the orderly. I assume that this is supposed to be Crazy Carl, but his name has suddenly become PETER. Seriously?!?! Anyways, he's a major creeper, I can tell just by looking at him, but Liz is a Saint so she just keeps acting nice. A new group of candy stripers shows up during all of this, and Liz is shocked to see that Jess is among them.
Liz finishes her shift and goes home to do more saintly deeds. She helps Winston bake a cake for his mother (and cancels a date with Todd to do so, he's pretty pissed about it) and Todd whines the entire time. He gets even bitchier when he learns that the cake is a pineapple cake and doesn't have frosting! Me, I would also get bitchy if somebody blew me off to make a freakin' PINEAPPLE cake. I'm allergic to pineapple, you bitch!!! Todd thinks that Liz is spending way too much time with Win, and he makes that known. Seriously, Todd is a whiny little bitch in this episode. I think he needs a nap or something.
Back at the hospital, Jess works her way into Jeremy's room and introduces herself. She asks for an autograph and, when Jeremy goes to sign it, she hands him HER headshot. LOL, that girl is just too confident sometimes! He stares stupidly at her, and she decides to change the TV channel for him. Of course, Jess grabs the bed remote by accident and causes even more damage to poor Jeremy. I hope he sues for this... The head nurse comes in and catches Jess. Jess is re-assigned to bedpan duty. GROSS!!!! I went to nursing school, and I know from experience that bedpan duty is a form of punishment!!!! *Shudders at the memory*
Liz finds out about this, and she bitches at Jess for being in HER ward. She complains about how annoying Jess is as she goes to finish her end-of-shift paperwork. (Because volunteers have to do paperwork? Unlikely story. Even as a nursing assistant, we did very minimal paperwork, so I sincerely doubt a volunteer would have a pile of it like Liz seems to...) Amazingly, somebody did ALL of Liz's paperwork without her knowing. I begin to question the operations of that hospital, since they cannot even be trusted to keep simple paperwork in a secure location...add that to my list of things to include in my lawsuit. Of course, Crazy Creeper Peter did it all, but Liz doesn't have any idea.
Once again, Jess finds herself in Jeremy's room. She's pretending to be Liz and carrying a big picture of water. Uh-oh. Of course, it's time for Jeremy's sponge bath! She sees his naked ass and drops the entire pitcher of water on him. Of course, the head nurse is a witness to this and Jess's candy striper career is finished!!!
I guess the hospital closes for the night, because the next scene is Creeper Peter in a dark reception area. He creeps around and steals Liz's personnel file from the administration.
Meanwhile, at the Moon Beach, Win presents Liz with a thank you gift for the wonderful cake. He's made Liz a friendship bracelet, and Todd is none too happy about this. He thinks Win has a major crush on Liz (which he does), and he thinks Liz is flirting back. Todd leaves in a huff and Liz goes home alone. When she gets there, she sees a massive bouquet of flowers on the kitchen counter and she assumes they're from Todd. Of course, you and I both know that they aren't from Todd... Liz goes to thank Todd, and he's all like "WTF?!?!" He thinks that Win sent them, so he goes and yells at poor Win. Win denies being in love with Liz, but Todd is unconvinced.
Liz goes back to work, and Peter creeps around her all night. Liz asks the charge nurse about him, and she assures Liz that he's just shy and quiet. He's harmless... RIGHT!!!! Meanwhile, Jess and Lila have a plan to get Jess the co-host job. Jess sneaks back into his room (seriously, where is the security in this place?!?!) and threatens to unleash an army of teenage girls armed with headshots and audition tapes. Jeremy is in pain, and he begs Jess to call off her troops. She agrees, as long as he promises her the job. He gives in, an we get a (really unnecessary) MONTAGE! The girls chase Jeremy, and Jess wheels him around the hospital to escape them. It would have made more sense to leave him in his room and simply tell the girls that he'd been released, but Jess doesn't think like I do, I guess. Of course, Jeremy backs out of his promise as soon as the threat is averted. Jess is pissed and she sends him to the operating room with a confused nurse. (Again, grounds for a lawsuit...) He, naturally, wants to avoid unnecessary medical procedures, so he again agrees to let Jess be on his show.
Across town, Todd is still brooding around the Moon Beach. Liz is with him. They go to leave and SOMEONE has placed a love note on the windshield of the Jeep! Of course, Todd automatically jumps to conclusions and blames Winston. He seethes in anger as he throws the love note into the trash and Liz drives away. Crazy Peter is creeping nearby, and part one ends with him popping out of the shadows. Obviously, this was included for the benefit of viewers who were too stupid to realize that Win did NOT send the notes or flowers. STALKER!
Part Two
Jess and Lila are thrilled when they receive exciting news. Young Society Magazine's Bachelor of the Year is moving to Sweet Valley! His name is Nicholas Morrow and he's 17. Pardon my ignorance, but I was not aware that teen magazines had Bachelor of the Year issues. Is this normal? I have no clue. Anyways, it seems Nicholas' arrival is the perfect excuse to throw a PARTY! Jess and Lila are already fighting over him, and both rush home to "make" him his favorite food, which is fudge. Okay then. I want to know what the hell happened to REGINA?!?! Why does she not exist? Is she already dead or what?
Checking in with Liz and Todd, Todd is still upset about the whole Winston thing. Liz further complicates things by agreeing to help Win with some video essay project. Todd is PISSED, as usual, but Liz refuses to break a promise and she agrees to meet Win as soon as she finishes her shift. Jess comes home and demands that Liz help her make fudge for Nicholas, but Liz is already running late, so she leaves Jess alone in the kitchen, promising to drive her to the welcoming party.
Flash forward to the end of Liz's shift. She walks out of the dark hospital and gets in the Jeep. Crazy Peter is hiding in the back and he quickly covers Liz's mouth with a Ether-soaked rag before she can scream. Fade to black.
Jess is unaware of this incident, so she goes to the party on her own, mad at Liz for blowing her off. As she leaves, Win calls and leaves a message on the machine. He too is upset that Liz blew him off. He tells the machine that he is going to the hospital to find her.
Meanwhile, Liz is waking up in some ghetto shack out in the middle of nowhere. She's bound and gagged!!! Sweet!!! Crazy Peter comes in dressed like a lumberjack and rips the duct tape off her mouth. Liz screams, but there's nobody around for miles. Peter screams with her, and it's more than a little creepy. Has anyone ever seen the movie 'Cold Storage'? It's a horrible, sucky movie that I watched on NetFlix a couple days ago, and Peter reminds me of the guy in that movie.
At Nicholas' party, everybody is wondering where Liz is. Jess is upset that nobody is hitting on her and they're all obsessive over Liz, so she lies and says that Liz had to babysit for Mr. Collins. Everybody accepts this and Nicholas finally arrives! Jess talks to him, and brags about co-hosting the talk show. Nicholas is unimpressed. He hates talk shows. (I used to LOVE talk show! Ricki Lake, Richard Bey, Jenny Jones, Montel, Maury, Springer...My guilty pleasure as a child.) Todd eventually realizes that Winston is also not present at the party, and he is worried that Win is with Liz. I guess the idea of hooking up with Jessica has yet to develop inside his feeble little mind, so Todd still cares about Liz even though Jess is obviously preoccupied with Nicholas. Todd drags Jess away and brings her home. He hears Win's answering machine message and assumes that Liz met up with him at the hospital, because she obviously hasn't been home yet. Todd calls the police. Why, I ask? There's no physical proof that Liz has been kidnapped. For all he knows Win and Liz are studying or babysitting together somewhere. I guess even simply trying to steal Liz away from Todd is illegal, because the police spring into action.
Liz is still being held against her will. Peter promises he won't hurt her because he loves her. That's what they always say! Liz tells him that the ropes around her wrists and ankles are hurting her, so Peter unties them. She promptly hits him with a lamp and makes a run for it. Since this is only like halfway through part two of a three-part story arc, he catches her. She hides in the bathroom. The mirror is broken, so Liz grabs a large piece of glass. Sweet! I really hope Peter gets it in the eye.
Meanwhile, Winston is searching for Liz at the hospital. He finds the Jeep and searches it for clues. The keys are in it, and Liz has left her purse on the seat. The police show up and arrest Winston. That doesn't make sense to me. They still have no proof of any foul play. I could see questioning Win and treating it as a missing person/runaway case, but arresting Win is ridiculous. I guess they can wait AN ENTIRE MONTH to QUESTION a Wakefield in a manslaughter case (see: A Night To Remember), but a missing Wakefield requires serious, immediate action. Curious. The police inform Jess and Todd that Winston has been arrested, and they think he's responsible.
Meanwhile, back at the Crazy Shack (aka- Peter's Pad), Peter is heading off to the hospital for his shift. See, he has to make people think everything is normal and follow his regular routine. Liz plays nice and tells him she'll miss him, and she asks him to wear the friendship bracelet that Win gave her in part one. He's obviously none-too-bright and he happily puts it on as he leaves. Sadly, Liz forgot to stab him with the broken mirror (OK, it probably didn't even cross her mind) and she goes to work on her ropes again. She easily frees herself and runs to safety.
Winston is out of police custody and everybody suspects him. Because a sixteen year-old is capable of such behaviors, even if they show no signs of being psycho. Wow, Winston's friends sure have a lot of faith in him, *sarcasm*. What a bunch of assholes! Todd threatens to kill Win, which is probably not the best route to go if you believe that somebody knows something others don't. Win swears that he didn't do it, but everyone continues to suspect him. They still allow him to help them look for Liz and pass out flyers during the MONTAGE! though. Even Bruce helps. Jess cries, and Todd comforts her...where have I seen that before?!?!
While canvassing the hospital, Win runs into Peter and shows him the Missing Person flyer. He notices that Peter is wearing the bracelet that he made for Liz... At the same time, the cops find Liz and Todd STILL thinks Win is the guilty party. Winston figures out that Peter is responsible, and Peter conveniently chooses that moment to attack Jess with a scalpel. Peter thought Jess was Liz, and his outburst gets him arrested on the spot. Todd apologizes to Winston, and the police bring Liz to the hospital. Of course, they aren't bringing her to a doctor or anything, and there are no parents in sight. I guess Ned and Alice didn't take this too seriously, they were probably waiting for actual evidence of a kidnapping... Anyways, Liz and Jess hug, and Todd and Win join in as well. Everybody cries, and I begin to wonder why part three is necessary...
Part Three
Liz goes on Frankly Speaking (yes, Jeremy is alive and well, and still hasn't let Jess co-host) and tells her story. Jess is jealous that Liz is on TV. Suddenly, Jeremy announces (it's a live show) that Peter has escaped police custody during the commercial break! I'm no expert, but I would think that they would tell Liz and Jess about this privately and escort them out of the studio, but Jeremy just lets Liz stand on stage and looked shocked.
Liz and Jess get 24 hour police protection. Jess has another giant zit on her face, and I'm getting bored by the lack of ACTION!!!! Jess is too, and she wants to go to this new club with Nicholas and Bruce. I also want to go!!! PLEASE!!! Unfortunately, the cops refuse her request and she is forced to sneak out. What she doesn't know is that, while she was inside the Moon Beach, Peter crept up and slashed the tires. Jess gets a flat while driving home, and Peter makes his move. Jessica is now missing. Of course, the police are clueless and so the search party re-forms. I imagine that a search party led by Liz will be much more effective than an effort led by Jess.
Peter brings Jess to a ghost town and ties her up in the old saloon. He thinks she's Liz and he professes his love for her. Jess, of course, proves that she is NOT Liz and puts on a bitch act. She tells him he's insane and orders him to release her. He realizes his mistake and Jess informs him that Liz also hates him. Probably not a good thing to tell somebody who's got total control of your fate, Jess... Peter promptly freaks out and throws Jess into a hole in the floor.
Liz goes on Jeremy's show and pleads with Peter. She starts reading from a script and then switches to her own plea. She offers Peter whatever he wants and says she'll trade places with Jess. The cops are pissed that she said that, but it's not like THEY have done ANYTHING helpful in this episode. You would think they would have stationed at least ONE officer outside of the MB on the night Jess was taken!!
Anyways, Peter has rigged up some sort of fuse and barrel combo back at the old saloon. He calls Liz and tells her to meet him in an hour. And she has to come ALONE. Of course, everybody tags along and hides in various locations and Liz wears a wire. Peter also shows up alone and tells Liz he'll take her to see Jess. Liz demands to know where she is, and Peter gives some cryptic clue about her location. The cops prove their competency yet again by rushing in and apprehending Peter, ruining everything in the process. Now Liz has ONE HOUR to find Jess! Liz remembers that Peter had a "special place" where he wanted to take her, a place where nobody's been for years. It takes her all of 2 minutes to realize he was talking about a ghost town, and the search party reforms and searches MONTAGE!-style!!!! It was absolutely necessary!!! Love it. And -the best part- BRUCE IS THERE!!!! Yay!!!
Lila and Nicholas enter the saloon and find Peter's fuse. They walk right on top of Jess (she's been covered by floorboards) and leave, thinking nothing of any of it. Suddenly, the fuse ignites and a fire breaks out!!! Everyone has a "DUH!" moment and Liz runs into the burning saloon to rescue Jess. Jess is passed out, but Todd helps pull her to safety just in time! She survives and becomes the new co-host of Jeremy's show. I guess he finally gave in when he remembered that every job in Sweet Valley is only allowed to last until the end of the episode.
****The SarahLynn Summary****
*Never be nice to anyone. Or else they might fall in love with you and kidnap your ass.
*But don't worry, they LOVE you and won't hurt you.
*Unless you tell theym that you DON'T love them.
*Oh, and, Bruce will help search for you!!!
This was my FAVORITE SVH episode of all time! I had this one on VHS, and my most vivid memory is a promo preview where the TV versions of Jess and Liz introduce this video, which one of them (I forget who) promises is a "total 9-1-1". Oh, the '90's!!!! The VHS also had a special behind-the-scenes feature AND a music video ("Rose Colored Glasses"). I rented this tape from my local video store (Home Video, *RIP*) so many times that the owner eventually ended up giving it to me. I guess nobody else ever rented it except for me and my sister.
Anyways, this episode introduces us to Nicholas Morrow (which actually somewhat resembles what happened in the books!). This is also where I learned what Ether is. And who could forget Crazy Carl?!?!
Recap:
Part One
We begin at the Moon Beach (yay, Moon Beach!), where Winston is desperately hitting up his friends for money. It's his mom's birthday and he's broke. Of course, Liz is full of helpful suggestions. She's also wearing a candy striper outfit. (Why do they call them "candy stripers"? When I was in the hospital, they were simply called "volunteers", and they didn't wear stupid outfits like that...) Apparently, Liz is now working at the hospital (which is NOT called Fowler Memorial...WTF?!?!) and some talk show host is currently recovering there. Of course, Jess is all over this. She dreams of hosting a talk show (again, those crazy '90's!!!), and she is desperate to meet Jeremy Franks (who I think was called Jeremy FRAKES in the book...) but Liz won't hear of it. Liz takes her non-paying job way too seriously, so Jess is left alone to come up with a scheme.
Liz goes to work and tends to the ailing Jeremy. He has a broken leg, and I totally forgot how that happened, if they even bothered to explain it. Anyways, it isn't serious. The studio is on Jeremy's ass about finding a new co-host for his show, "Frankly Speaking". Liz cheers him up by sneaking him a pizza because he hates hospital food. I guess some rules are made to be broken?
Liz leaves Jeremy to eat his dinner in peace. She prances around the hospital and suddenly an orderly crashes his cart into her. Sadly, he doesn't cause any major damage, and Liz apologizes for being in the way. Of course, Liz is the #1 candy striper, so the charge nurse yells at the orderly. I assume that this is supposed to be Crazy Carl, but his name has suddenly become PETER. Seriously?!?! Anyways, he's a major creeper, I can tell just by looking at him, but Liz is a Saint so she just keeps acting nice. A new group of candy stripers shows up during all of this, and Liz is shocked to see that Jess is among them.
Liz finishes her shift and goes home to do more saintly deeds. She helps Winston bake a cake for his mother (and cancels a date with Todd to do so, he's pretty pissed about it) and Todd whines the entire time. He gets even bitchier when he learns that the cake is a pineapple cake and doesn't have frosting! Me, I would also get bitchy if somebody blew me off to make a freakin' PINEAPPLE cake. I'm allergic to pineapple, you bitch!!! Todd thinks that Liz is spending way too much time with Win, and he makes that known. Seriously, Todd is a whiny little bitch in this episode. I think he needs a nap or something.
Back at the hospital, Jess works her way into Jeremy's room and introduces herself. She asks for an autograph and, when Jeremy goes to sign it, she hands him HER headshot. LOL, that girl is just too confident sometimes! He stares stupidly at her, and she decides to change the TV channel for him. Of course, Jess grabs the bed remote by accident and causes even more damage to poor Jeremy. I hope he sues for this... The head nurse comes in and catches Jess. Jess is re-assigned to bedpan duty. GROSS!!!! I went to nursing school, and I know from experience that bedpan duty is a form of punishment!!!! *Shudders at the memory*
Liz finds out about this, and she bitches at Jess for being in HER ward. She complains about how annoying Jess is as she goes to finish her end-of-shift paperwork. (Because volunteers have to do paperwork? Unlikely story. Even as a nursing assistant, we did very minimal paperwork, so I sincerely doubt a volunteer would have a pile of it like Liz seems to...) Amazingly, somebody did ALL of Liz's paperwork without her knowing. I begin to question the operations of that hospital, since they cannot even be trusted to keep simple paperwork in a secure location...add that to my list of things to include in my lawsuit. Of course, Crazy Creeper Peter did it all, but Liz doesn't have any idea.
Once again, Jess finds herself in Jeremy's room. She's pretending to be Liz and carrying a big picture of water. Uh-oh. Of course, it's time for Jeremy's sponge bath! She sees his naked ass and drops the entire pitcher of water on him. Of course, the head nurse is a witness to this and Jess's candy striper career is finished!!!
I guess the hospital closes for the night, because the next scene is Creeper Peter in a dark reception area. He creeps around and steals Liz's personnel file from the administration.
Meanwhile, at the Moon Beach, Win presents Liz with a thank you gift for the wonderful cake. He's made Liz a friendship bracelet, and Todd is none too happy about this. He thinks Win has a major crush on Liz (which he does), and he thinks Liz is flirting back. Todd leaves in a huff and Liz goes home alone. When she gets there, she sees a massive bouquet of flowers on the kitchen counter and she assumes they're from Todd. Of course, you and I both know that they aren't from Todd... Liz goes to thank Todd, and he's all like "WTF?!?!" He thinks that Win sent them, so he goes and yells at poor Win. Win denies being in love with Liz, but Todd is unconvinced.
Liz goes back to work, and Peter creeps around her all night. Liz asks the charge nurse about him, and she assures Liz that he's just shy and quiet. He's harmless... RIGHT!!!! Meanwhile, Jess and Lila have a plan to get Jess the co-host job. Jess sneaks back into his room (seriously, where is the security in this place?!?!) and threatens to unleash an army of teenage girls armed with headshots and audition tapes. Jeremy is in pain, and he begs Jess to call off her troops. She agrees, as long as he promises her the job. He gives in, an we get a (really unnecessary) MONTAGE! The girls chase Jeremy, and Jess wheels him around the hospital to escape them. It would have made more sense to leave him in his room and simply tell the girls that he'd been released, but Jess doesn't think like I do, I guess. Of course, Jeremy backs out of his promise as soon as the threat is averted. Jess is pissed and she sends him to the operating room with a confused nurse. (Again, grounds for a lawsuit...) He, naturally, wants to avoid unnecessary medical procedures, so he again agrees to let Jess be on his show.
Across town, Todd is still brooding around the Moon Beach. Liz is with him. They go to leave and SOMEONE has placed a love note on the windshield of the Jeep! Of course, Todd automatically jumps to conclusions and blames Winston. He seethes in anger as he throws the love note into the trash and Liz drives away. Crazy Peter is creeping nearby, and part one ends with him popping out of the shadows. Obviously, this was included for the benefit of viewers who were too stupid to realize that Win did NOT send the notes or flowers. STALKER!
Part Two
Jess and Lila are thrilled when they receive exciting news. Young Society Magazine's Bachelor of the Year is moving to Sweet Valley! His name is Nicholas Morrow and he's 17. Pardon my ignorance, but I was not aware that teen magazines had Bachelor of the Year issues. Is this normal? I have no clue. Anyways, it seems Nicholas' arrival is the perfect excuse to throw a PARTY! Jess and Lila are already fighting over him, and both rush home to "make" him his favorite food, which is fudge. Okay then. I want to know what the hell happened to REGINA?!?! Why does she not exist? Is she already dead or what?
Checking in with Liz and Todd, Todd is still upset about the whole Winston thing. Liz further complicates things by agreeing to help Win with some video essay project. Todd is PISSED, as usual, but Liz refuses to break a promise and she agrees to meet Win as soon as she finishes her shift. Jess comes home and demands that Liz help her make fudge for Nicholas, but Liz is already running late, so she leaves Jess alone in the kitchen, promising to drive her to the welcoming party.
Flash forward to the end of Liz's shift. She walks out of the dark hospital and gets in the Jeep. Crazy Peter is hiding in the back and he quickly covers Liz's mouth with a Ether-soaked rag before she can scream. Fade to black.
Jess is unaware of this incident, so she goes to the party on her own, mad at Liz for blowing her off. As she leaves, Win calls and leaves a message on the machine. He too is upset that Liz blew him off. He tells the machine that he is going to the hospital to find her.
Meanwhile, Liz is waking up in some ghetto shack out in the middle of nowhere. She's bound and gagged!!! Sweet!!! Crazy Peter comes in dressed like a lumberjack and rips the duct tape off her mouth. Liz screams, but there's nobody around for miles. Peter screams with her, and it's more than a little creepy. Has anyone ever seen the movie 'Cold Storage'? It's a horrible, sucky movie that I watched on NetFlix a couple days ago, and Peter reminds me of the guy in that movie.
At Nicholas' party, everybody is wondering where Liz is. Jess is upset that nobody is hitting on her and they're all obsessive over Liz, so she lies and says that Liz had to babysit for Mr. Collins. Everybody accepts this and Nicholas finally arrives! Jess talks to him, and brags about co-hosting the talk show. Nicholas is unimpressed. He hates talk shows. (I used to LOVE talk show! Ricki Lake, Richard Bey, Jenny Jones, Montel, Maury, Springer...My guilty pleasure as a child.) Todd eventually realizes that Winston is also not present at the party, and he is worried that Win is with Liz. I guess the idea of hooking up with Jessica has yet to develop inside his feeble little mind, so Todd still cares about Liz even though Jess is obviously preoccupied with Nicholas. Todd drags Jess away and brings her home. He hears Win's answering machine message and assumes that Liz met up with him at the hospital, because she obviously hasn't been home yet. Todd calls the police. Why, I ask? There's no physical proof that Liz has been kidnapped. For all he knows Win and Liz are studying or babysitting together somewhere. I guess even simply trying to steal Liz away from Todd is illegal, because the police spring into action.
Liz is still being held against her will. Peter promises he won't hurt her because he loves her. That's what they always say! Liz tells him that the ropes around her wrists and ankles are hurting her, so Peter unties them. She promptly hits him with a lamp and makes a run for it. Since this is only like halfway through part two of a three-part story arc, he catches her. She hides in the bathroom. The mirror is broken, so Liz grabs a large piece of glass. Sweet! I really hope Peter gets it in the eye.
Meanwhile, Winston is searching for Liz at the hospital. He finds the Jeep and searches it for clues. The keys are in it, and Liz has left her purse on the seat. The police show up and arrest Winston. That doesn't make sense to me. They still have no proof of any foul play. I could see questioning Win and treating it as a missing person/runaway case, but arresting Win is ridiculous. I guess they can wait AN ENTIRE MONTH to QUESTION a Wakefield in a manslaughter case (see: A Night To Remember), but a missing Wakefield requires serious, immediate action. Curious. The police inform Jess and Todd that Winston has been arrested, and they think he's responsible.
Meanwhile, back at the Crazy Shack (aka- Peter's Pad), Peter is heading off to the hospital for his shift. See, he has to make people think everything is normal and follow his regular routine. Liz plays nice and tells him she'll miss him, and she asks him to wear the friendship bracelet that Win gave her in part one. He's obviously none-too-bright and he happily puts it on as he leaves. Sadly, Liz forgot to stab him with the broken mirror (OK, it probably didn't even cross her mind) and she goes to work on her ropes again. She easily frees herself and runs to safety.
Winston is out of police custody and everybody suspects him. Because a sixteen year-old is capable of such behaviors, even if they show no signs of being psycho. Wow, Winston's friends sure have a lot of faith in him, *sarcasm*. What a bunch of assholes! Todd threatens to kill Win, which is probably not the best route to go if you believe that somebody knows something others don't. Win swears that he didn't do it, but everyone continues to suspect him. They still allow him to help them look for Liz and pass out flyers during the MONTAGE! though. Even Bruce helps. Jess cries, and Todd comforts her...where have I seen that before?!?!
While canvassing the hospital, Win runs into Peter and shows him the Missing Person flyer. He notices that Peter is wearing the bracelet that he made for Liz... At the same time, the cops find Liz and Todd STILL thinks Win is the guilty party. Winston figures out that Peter is responsible, and Peter conveniently chooses that moment to attack Jess with a scalpel. Peter thought Jess was Liz, and his outburst gets him arrested on the spot. Todd apologizes to Winston, and the police bring Liz to the hospital. Of course, they aren't bringing her to a doctor or anything, and there are no parents in sight. I guess Ned and Alice didn't take this too seriously, they were probably waiting for actual evidence of a kidnapping... Anyways, Liz and Jess hug, and Todd and Win join in as well. Everybody cries, and I begin to wonder why part three is necessary...
Part Three
Liz goes on Frankly Speaking (yes, Jeremy is alive and well, and still hasn't let Jess co-host) and tells her story. Jess is jealous that Liz is on TV. Suddenly, Jeremy announces (it's a live show) that Peter has escaped police custody during the commercial break! I'm no expert, but I would think that they would tell Liz and Jess about this privately and escort them out of the studio, but Jeremy just lets Liz stand on stage and looked shocked.
Liz and Jess get 24 hour police protection. Jess has another giant zit on her face, and I'm getting bored by the lack of ACTION!!!! Jess is too, and she wants to go to this new club with Nicholas and Bruce. I also want to go!!! PLEASE!!! Unfortunately, the cops refuse her request and she is forced to sneak out. What she doesn't know is that, while she was inside the Moon Beach, Peter crept up and slashed the tires. Jess gets a flat while driving home, and Peter makes his move. Jessica is now missing. Of course, the police are clueless and so the search party re-forms. I imagine that a search party led by Liz will be much more effective than an effort led by Jess.
Peter brings Jess to a ghost town and ties her up in the old saloon. He thinks she's Liz and he professes his love for her. Jess, of course, proves that she is NOT Liz and puts on a bitch act. She tells him he's insane and orders him to release her. He realizes his mistake and Jess informs him that Liz also hates him. Probably not a good thing to tell somebody who's got total control of your fate, Jess... Peter promptly freaks out and throws Jess into a hole in the floor.
Liz goes on Jeremy's show and pleads with Peter. She starts reading from a script and then switches to her own plea. She offers Peter whatever he wants and says she'll trade places with Jess. The cops are pissed that she said that, but it's not like THEY have done ANYTHING helpful in this episode. You would think they would have stationed at least ONE officer outside of the MB on the night Jess was taken!!
Anyways, Peter has rigged up some sort of fuse and barrel combo back at the old saloon. He calls Liz and tells her to meet him in an hour. And she has to come ALONE. Of course, everybody tags along and hides in various locations and Liz wears a wire. Peter also shows up alone and tells Liz he'll take her to see Jess. Liz demands to know where she is, and Peter gives some cryptic clue about her location. The cops prove their competency yet again by rushing in and apprehending Peter, ruining everything in the process. Now Liz has ONE HOUR to find Jess! Liz remembers that Peter had a "special place" where he wanted to take her, a place where nobody's been for years. It takes her all of 2 minutes to realize he was talking about a ghost town, and the search party reforms and searches MONTAGE!-style!!!! It was absolutely necessary!!! Love it. And -the best part- BRUCE IS THERE!!!! Yay!!!
Lila and Nicholas enter the saloon and find Peter's fuse. They walk right on top of Jess (she's been covered by floorboards) and leave, thinking nothing of any of it. Suddenly, the fuse ignites and a fire breaks out!!! Everyone has a "DUH!" moment and Liz runs into the burning saloon to rescue Jess. Jess is passed out, but Todd helps pull her to safety just in time! She survives and becomes the new co-host of Jeremy's show. I guess he finally gave in when he remembered that every job in Sweet Valley is only allowed to last until the end of the episode.
****The SarahLynn Summary****
*Never be nice to anyone. Or else they might fall in love with you and kidnap your ass.
*But don't worry, they LOVE you and won't hurt you.
*Unless you tell theym that you DON'T love them.
*Oh, and, Bruce will help search for you!!!
Monday, April 18, 2011
Great TV Viewing (Season 1 , Episode 18) - "Dancin' Fools"
Intro:
Again, I have no memory of this episode. Raise your hand if you're surprised. I'm really just trying to knock this one out as quickly as possible so I can get to recapping the following episode. It's a THREE-PART episode!!!
Recap:
We open at Sweet Valley High, where everyone is abuzz about some World of Dance freestyle dance competition. Lila is entering with the hope of dethroning the reigning Queen of the Dance, which just so happens to be our very own Jessica Wakefield! Jess has won two years in a row, and Lila walks away with a certificate for a free car wash. This year, the stakes are raised. The Grand Prize is a spot on the World of Dance show!!! Winston also wants to enter, but nobody wants to dance with him. Awwww, poor Win.
Jess's partner (I forget his name) is fruity as hell. I can tell by his see-through shirt and LEATHER vest combo. He looks like Mr. Slave from South Park...
Anyways, Mr. Slave will NOT be able to dance with Jess this year. Madonna has asked him to be a backup dancer! O.M.G.!!!! Whatever will Jess do?
At the Moon Beach, Todd is bitching about his hatred of all things cultural. He thinks dancing is for pussies, but Liz forces him to do it every year. Why? I have no idea, it's not like she can ever compete with the greatness that is JESS... Speaking of Jess, she's looking for a new partner and she will be holding open auditions all week. Koichi (yay, I'm starting to like him!) wants to dance, so he decides to try out. Win also wants to dance. Apparently, Win has been dancing for years and he's actually really into it. I'm not really surprised by this. Of course, Liz offers him some encouraging words and he decides to give it a shot.
Jess holds her auditions. A bunch of sucky dancers show up and I start to grow bored with this episode. I wish my cable was working so I could watch something besides this. In the hallway, Manny comes up to Enid, looking straight out of Saturday Night Fever. They do some lame dance and agree to be partners. Good luck with that.
Todd continues to bitch some more. (Again, at the Moon Beach, I swear this show only has like 3 sets...) Liz finally drops his ass and Koichi volunteers to be her partner. Lila, meanwhile, has hired a world champion dancer named Rico. Jess shows up and whines about how much everybody sucks, and Liz suggests she let poor Winston be her partner. Jess gives in and goes and puts on her hot-ass workout apparel. She watches Win dance, and decides he'll suffice.
Of course, this leads to a MONTAGE! Everybody dances and I try not to throw up. Stupidest. Montage. Ever. These kids are a far cry from Dancing With The Stars. Not that I've ever watched that crap, but I did see Save The Last Dance one time, so I am a qualified expert. (Side note: Actually, I was captain of a state champion dance squad back in the day. So there.)
Two weeks pass, and Jess's original partner returns the day before the competition. Of course, Jess immediately drops Winston and Liz is none too happy about it. (Also, Jess has a MASSIVE zit in this scene. I never noticed how bad their skin was, *shudders at the thought of life before ProActiv*) Liz must be getting her period or something, because she keeps up with the bitching. She and Todd fight about the dance contest some more...blah, who cares?!?! Todd is the jealous type, I get it already!!!!
Tragedy strikes when Jess's partner gets yet another job offer. He's going to teach dance on one of Mr. Fowler's cruise ships. Obviously, Lila had a hand in this. Jess gets her back by stealing her partner (Rico). Lila partners with Winston out of desperation. Rico totally blows off Jess's scheduled rehearsal, so she gives him a print-out of the choreography right before they go on stage. What Jess doesn't know is that Rico doesn't speak English. It's pretty obvious, being that all Rico ever says is "Time to dance?"... Apparently, the only dance Rico knows is the Mambo. Oops.
The contest starts. Liz and Koichi do some sort of country line dance type-thing. It's pretty stupid so I won't bore you with anymore details. Koichi cleverly dances off stage and Todd dances on... I think Koichi and Todd set this up as a surprise for Liz, but I could really care less. Liz is happy, and I hope she gets disqualified for switching partners mid-song. Next comes the crapfest that is Enid and Manny. They do some sort of stupid disco dance and I wish I could slap Enid. Really, I've had enough of her after that last episode. Whatever happened to Mike?!?! Told you he wouldn't last...
Lila and Winston take the stage. They have VERY sparkly outfits, and I like it A LOT!!!! They do some serious Dancing With The Stars shit, and I'm still in awe of all their sparklicious goodness. I love sparkles!!!! I want them to win.
Finally, Jess takes the stage. Of course, she is doing some sort of slutty Jessica Dance and it would really be more appropriate for the mainstage at a strip club. But it's HOT, so I'm enjoying it. Rico comes on stage, Mamboing his little Latin ass off. Of course, Jess didn't plan for THAT, so their routine is horrible and everybody laughs because it's so uncoordinated. Jess drags Rico off stage.
Lila and Winston win the contest!!!! It turns out that the spot on the World of Dance show is only for a MALE dancer, so Win is the clear winner here. Lila's upset, but she is rewarded for her efforts with a certificate for yet another free car wash. Karma's a bitch, or something.
****The SarahLynn Summary****
*Again, I got nothing. This episode was pretty pointless and I only recapped it so I could get to the BEST part of season one...
Up Next: Great TV Viewing -"Kidnapped". Three part episode!!!! Crazed orderlies, the arrival of Nicholas Morrow, trashy TV talk shows, and BRUCE!!!!!
Again, I have no memory of this episode. Raise your hand if you're surprised. I'm really just trying to knock this one out as quickly as possible so I can get to recapping the following episode. It's a THREE-PART episode!!!
Recap:
We open at Sweet Valley High, where everyone is abuzz about some World of Dance freestyle dance competition. Lila is entering with the hope of dethroning the reigning Queen of the Dance, which just so happens to be our very own Jessica Wakefield! Jess has won two years in a row, and Lila walks away with a certificate for a free car wash. This year, the stakes are raised. The Grand Prize is a spot on the World of Dance show!!! Winston also wants to enter, but nobody wants to dance with him. Awwww, poor Win.
Jess's partner (I forget his name) is fruity as hell. I can tell by his see-through shirt and LEATHER vest combo. He looks like Mr. Slave from South Park...
Anyways, Mr. Slave will NOT be able to dance with Jess this year. Madonna has asked him to be a backup dancer! O.M.G.!!!! Whatever will Jess do?
At the Moon Beach, Todd is bitching about his hatred of all things cultural. He thinks dancing is for pussies, but Liz forces him to do it every year. Why? I have no idea, it's not like she can ever compete with the greatness that is JESS... Speaking of Jess, she's looking for a new partner and she will be holding open auditions all week. Koichi (yay, I'm starting to like him!) wants to dance, so he decides to try out. Win also wants to dance. Apparently, Win has been dancing for years and he's actually really into it. I'm not really surprised by this. Of course, Liz offers him some encouraging words and he decides to give it a shot.
Jess holds her auditions. A bunch of sucky dancers show up and I start to grow bored with this episode. I wish my cable was working so I could watch something besides this. In the hallway, Manny comes up to Enid, looking straight out of Saturday Night Fever. They do some lame dance and agree to be partners. Good luck with that.
Todd continues to bitch some more. (Again, at the Moon Beach, I swear this show only has like 3 sets...) Liz finally drops his ass and Koichi volunteers to be her partner. Lila, meanwhile, has hired a world champion dancer named Rico. Jess shows up and whines about how much everybody sucks, and Liz suggests she let poor Winston be her partner. Jess gives in and goes and puts on her hot-ass workout apparel. She watches Win dance, and decides he'll suffice.
Of course, this leads to a MONTAGE! Everybody dances and I try not to throw up. Stupidest. Montage. Ever. These kids are a far cry from Dancing With The Stars. Not that I've ever watched that crap, but I did see Save The Last Dance one time, so I am a qualified expert. (Side note: Actually, I was captain of a state champion dance squad back in the day. So there.)
Two weeks pass, and Jess's original partner returns the day before the competition. Of course, Jess immediately drops Winston and Liz is none too happy about it. (Also, Jess has a MASSIVE zit in this scene. I never noticed how bad their skin was, *shudders at the thought of life before ProActiv*) Liz must be getting her period or something, because she keeps up with the bitching. She and Todd fight about the dance contest some more...blah, who cares?!?! Todd is the jealous type, I get it already!!!!
Tragedy strikes when Jess's partner gets yet another job offer. He's going to teach dance on one of Mr. Fowler's cruise ships. Obviously, Lila had a hand in this. Jess gets her back by stealing her partner (Rico). Lila partners with Winston out of desperation. Rico totally blows off Jess's scheduled rehearsal, so she gives him a print-out of the choreography right before they go on stage. What Jess doesn't know is that Rico doesn't speak English. It's pretty obvious, being that all Rico ever says is "Time to dance?"... Apparently, the only dance Rico knows is the Mambo. Oops.
The contest starts. Liz and Koichi do some sort of country line dance type-thing. It's pretty stupid so I won't bore you with anymore details. Koichi cleverly dances off stage and Todd dances on... I think Koichi and Todd set this up as a surprise for Liz, but I could really care less. Liz is happy, and I hope she gets disqualified for switching partners mid-song. Next comes the crapfest that is Enid and Manny. They do some sort of stupid disco dance and I wish I could slap Enid. Really, I've had enough of her after that last episode. Whatever happened to Mike?!?! Told you he wouldn't last...
Lila and Winston take the stage. They have VERY sparkly outfits, and I like it A LOT!!!! They do some serious Dancing With The Stars shit, and I'm still in awe of all their sparklicious goodness. I love sparkles!!!! I want them to win.
Finally, Jess takes the stage. Of course, she is doing some sort of slutty Jessica Dance and it would really be more appropriate for the mainstage at a strip club. But it's HOT, so I'm enjoying it. Rico comes on stage, Mamboing his little Latin ass off. Of course, Jess didn't plan for THAT, so their routine is horrible and everybody laughs because it's so uncoordinated. Jess drags Rico off stage.
Lila and Winston win the contest!!!! It turns out that the spot on the World of Dance show is only for a MALE dancer, so Win is the clear winner here. Lila's upset, but she is rewarded for her efforts with a certificate for yet another free car wash. Karma's a bitch, or something.
****The SarahLynn Summary****
*Again, I got nothing. This episode was pretty pointless and I only recapped it so I could get to the BEST part of season one...
Up Next: Great TV Viewing -"Kidnapped". Three part episode!!!! Crazed orderlies, the arrival of Nicholas Morrow, trashy TV talk shows, and BRUCE!!!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)